


Future Days

by HanayaS



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-19 17:52:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 52,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1478704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HanayaS/pseuds/HanayaS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Felicity wakes up in the hospital after a fall and things are not as she remembers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Felicity opened her eyes slowly, taking in her surroundings. The bright fluorescent of the lights seemed increase the pounding in her head and the antiseptic smell turned her stomach. Her body was stiff and aching and her mind was in a haze. She was in a hospital, of that she was certain, but she couldn’t remember why she was there. She took stock of her injuries, which included headache and general achiness along with a splinted left arm, and assumed there must have been a mission gone wrong. Still, she couldn’t remember what the mission was, or even who they’d been going after lately.

Oliver was folded awkwardly into a hospital chair next to her bed. He was fast asleep and taking in the rumpled state of his clothes, he’d been there for a while. This leant credence to Felicity’s mission gone wrong theory, as it would explain his presence in her room; Oliver always felt guilty when she got hurt.

She located the remote for the bed and managed to get herself into an almost-seated position. The mechanical whir of the motor caused Oliver to stir slightly, but Felicity was thankful that he hadn’t woken up. She was in the process of shifting the pillows so that she could get comfortable when a nurse came in. She was wearing purple scrubs and her name badge said “Karen”.

“Well look who’s finally awake,” Karen said, smiling.

“How long was I out?” Felicity asked, her voice hoarse.

“Since they brought you in, day before yesterday,” Karen filled a cup with water and handed it to Felicity. “This will help with the dryness.”

“Thank you,” Felicity said softly. She took a sip, the cool water soothing her throat.

“This one’s been worried about you. Hasn’t left your side,” Karen said, indicating Oliver. “You’ve got one of the good ones.”

“He’s a good guy,” Felicity responded, figuring there was no point in trying to explain the complicated friendship/partnership she had with Oliver.

“How are you feeling?” Karen asked, as she checked Felicity’s IV.

“I’m alright, I guess,” Felicity responded. “My head’s aching and everything’s a bit fuzzy, but I guess that’s probably to be expected.” She considered asking why she’d been brought in, but she knew that whatever cover story Oliver and Diggle had worked up wouldn’t shed any light on what had actually happened.

“Well, I know that Dr. Bernhard was waiting for you to wake up before we ran some tests,” Karen told her. “So I am going to let him know that you’re up, and once we get those tests run, we can get you something for the pain.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Then she looked over to Oliver. “Well, it looks like everyone’s up now, so I’ll leave you two to catch up, while I go get the doctor.”

Karen left the room, and Felicity turned to look over at Oliver, who was sitting forward in his chair. As her eyes met his, he broke out into a wide smile, reaching out and taking her right hand in both of his, careful of the IV.

“Hey, you’re awake,” he said, “how are you feeling?”

“A little sore,” Felicity admitted, “and I don’t really remember what happened.”

She dropped her voice to a whisper, “I assume our evening plans went awry.”

“Something like that,” Oliver said with a small smile. “Though you were not supposed to be there; I thought we had agreed on that.”

Felicity shrugged. “I might be a little fuzzy on the details right now, but I’m sure I had a good reason.”

“Not good enough,” Oliver insisted, running one hand gently up her forearm, and looking into her eyes. “We agreed; no more evening plans for you.”

Felicity frowned, pulling her hand out of Oliver’s grasp. “That doesn’t sound like something I’d agree to. My life, my choice; remember?”

Oliver frowned, “yes, but-” he began, but was interrupted when Karen returned with Dr. Bernhard.

“Well Mrs. Queen, I’m glad to see you’re finally awake,” he said. “How are you feeling?”

Felicity looked quizzically at the doctor. “Oh, I’m not Mrs. Queen.”

Dr. Bernhard looked down at the chart in his hand, and then back up at Felicity, his brow furrowed. “You’re not Felicity Queen?”

“No, I’m Felicity Smoak.” Felicity began to wonder what had happened when she’d been brought in. Had they just assumed that Oliver was her husband or did he tell them that to pull some kind of strings? It seemed like the kind of asinine thing he would do, especially if he was feeling guilty that she’d gotten hurt.

Dr. Bernhard put down the chart. “Felicity, do you know who this man is?” he asked, gesturing to Oliver.

“That’s Oliver Queen,” she said, “but we’re not married. We work together, and I mean, we’re friends, but we’re not married, we’re not even dating.”

She glanced over at Oliver, who was sitting stiffly in the chair, wearing an unreadable expression.

“Felicity, can you tell me the last thing that you remember?” Dr. Bernhard asked.

Felicity closed her eyes for a moment, trying to remember. Everything was hazy and it seemed like there was a big black hole in her memory. “I’m not really sure,” she admitted. “Being at home, maybe? Nothing specific.”

Dr. Bernhard nodded. “Okay. Can you tell me the date?”

“March, I think,” Felicity said, struggling, “not sure the day.”

“And the year?”

“2014”

“Okay.” Dr. Bernhard picked up her chart, and made a few notes.

“Is something wrong?” Felicity asked, sensing some tension in the room.

“Well, Felicity, I’d like to start running some tests. I’d like to start by getting a CT scan and an MRI to get an understanding of what we’re dealing with here. I’m concerned that your fall and the head trauma might have done a little more damage than I’d originally thought.”

Felicity sighed. “I got the date wrong, didn’t I?”

Dr. Bernhard nodded.

“What is the date?” Felicity asked.

“April 7th,” the doctor replied.

“Oh, that’s not too bad.”

“2018.”

Felicity’s stomach lurched. “I think I’m going to be sick.”


	2. Chapter 2

Oliver handed her a cup of water, and helped her to settle back onto the pillows after the others had left. The water did little to alleviate the acidic taste in her mouth, but she continued to take small sips anyway. Finishing the water, she placed the cup on the tray beside her and brought her hands up to cover her face, taking a few deep breaths as she tried to block out everything for a moment.

Oliver seemed to sense that she needed space and settled back into his chair. After a few moments of silence he asked “Are you okay?”

“Am I okay?” Felicity could stop herself from chuckling. “This is crazy. I must still be unconscious and this is some sort of weird trauma-induced dream. It can’t be 2018. That’s like some kind of crazy future year, like in a science fiction movie or something.”

“And 2014 isn’t?” Oliver asked, managing a small smile.

“Okay, fair point,” Felicity shrugged. “But still, people don’t just wake up and lose years of their life. This isn’t a TV show, or worse, some kind of soap opera. These things don’t happen in real life.”

Starting to feel panicked, Felicity closed her eyes and tried to remember something, anything, about the last 4 years of her life. However, the more she struggled to remember, the more frustrated she became. It was like there was a big black hole where her memories were supposed to be, and trying to remember only made the pain in her head increase. It didn’t help that even with her eyes closed she could feel Oliver staring at her.

She knew that he was worried and confused, but she was too. The added pressure wasn’t helping. She opened her eyes and looked over at him; he was running his left hand through his short hair, scratching at the back of his head, something he did when he was stressed. As he did it, however, Felicity noticed a glint of metal and suddenly something clicked.

“Oh my God!” she exclaimed.

“What?” he asked, sitting up straighter and looking at her, concerned.

“We’re actually married, aren’t we?” she asked. “I’m actually Mrs. Queen. You and I got married. Why would-? I mean, how did-? When did?” Felicity struggled to find the words. “Are we married?”

Oliver nodded. “Yes, we are married.”

Felicity let out an astonished chuckle. “Okay, I am definitely dreaming, because in what crazy parallel universe do the two of us end up married?”

Oliver frowned. “I don’t think it’s crazy.”

“Oh, it’s crazy,” Felicity responded, her mind reeling. It’s not like she’d never had an interest in him; she’d always found him attractive and they’d definitely had a connection, but they were so different. They were friends and crime-fighting partners, but she’d never thought they could really be anything more than that. “How long have we been married?”

“Almost three years. We got married in August.”

Felicity did the math in her head. “August 2015? How long were we together when we got married?”

“Long enough,” Oliver smiled. “We made our relationship official the beginning of 2015, I believe.”

“That seems fast.”

“When you know, you know,” Oliver responded, softly. “Besides with what we do, you realize that life is just too short to wait.”

Felicity nodded, struggling to process what Oliver was telling her. He seemed to sense this, and pulled out his phone. A moment later, he held it out to show her a photo of the two of them, on their wedding day. It was clearly a candid shot, a private moment caught on camera. His hand was around her waist, touching the sash of her white dress, while she ran her hand along the lapel of his jacket. They were gazing at each other, smiling. She looked really happy in the photo, they both did. 

After a moment, Oliver tucked the phone back into his pocket and looked up at her sadly. “You really don’t remember?”

Felicity shook her head. “Everything is pretty fuzzy.”

Oliver leaned forward, cupping her cheek with his left hand. “We will get this figured out.”

Felicity nodded and Oliver dropped his hand, sitting back in the chair. “Okay, so we’re married and we’re still doing our usual evening activities?”

Oliver nodded.

“Am I still working at Queen Consolidated?”

“Yes.”

“Please tell me I’m not still your assistant.”

Oliver smiled. “No, you are no longer my assistant. You are back in the IT department. “

“Okay, that’s good,” Felicity continued, “and John. Is he still around?”

“Diggle is still around and doing well. He will be glad to hear that you are awake and with us once more. He was worried.”

“It seems like he wasn’t the only one who was worried,” Felicity admitted. 

Oliver met her eyes and opened his mouth to say something, but Felicity interrupted him. “Where do we live? And please don’t tell me we live with your mother.”

He chuckled. “No, we have a house. It’s just outside the city, so we have some privacy. We bought it just before we got married; in fact it was my wedding gift to you.”

“I find it hard to believe I would accept that big of a gift.”

“You didn’t at first,” Oliver told her, “but when you saw the wraparound porch with the porch swing overlooking the yard, you caved.”

“I always wanted a porch swing,” Felicity said, wistfully.

“I know.” Their eyes met, and there was a softness and a love in Oliver’s eyes that Felicity had never seen before. In that moment she could almost believe what he was telling her was true. 

“Felicity,” he said softly, “I need-” he began, but was interrupted when Karen returned to the room.

“Alright, Mrs. Queen, it’s time to take you down to CT,” Karen said. 

Felicity broke eye contact with Oliver and nodded to the nurse.

Karen turned to Oliver. “This would probably be a good time for you to go get a coffee or something.”

Oliver nodded as he stood up. “I should make some calls, anyway.” He kissed the top of Felicity’s head. “I’ll see you soon.”

Felicity nodded as she watched him leave. 

“How are you hanging in?” Karen asked, as she worked at unhooking Felicity from the various machines monitoring her. 

“Well, apparently I’ve missed out on the last few years, during which time I changed jobs, got married and bought a house,” Felicity replied honestly. “So, I guess I’m doing as well as can be expected.”

“At least you married a handsome billionaire?” Karen offered.

Felicity smiled. “Well, when you put it that way, it sounds like I won the amnesia lottery.”

“That’s the spirit.”

“So, Karen, catch me up. Who’s the president? Do we have flying cars yet? What have I missed?”

The two women chatted until the orderly arrived with a wheelchair to take Felicity to CT. Karen helped Felicity out of bed and into the wheelchair, reassuring her that things would be fine and that the scans would help them to figure things out. 

The orderly wasn’t very talkative and so they passed the trip through the hospital in silence. Felicity’s thoughts were running rampant as she tried to process all the information she’d learned since she woke up. She was married. To Oliver. No matter how much she thought about it, it just didn’t make sense. From what she remembered of her life in 2014, they were not even close to being in a romantic relationship, so it was hard to believe that that would be married in just over a year. Yet, she’d seen the photo, and the way that Oliver had looked at her, and so somehow she knew it must be true. She just had so many questions. 

The radiologist, who introduced himself as Dave, met them in the hallway and the orderly handed him Felicity’s chart.

“Alright, let’s see what we have here,” he said, looking it over. “You are Felicity Queen?”

“That’s what they tell me,” Felicity said wryly.

Dave smiled. “30 years old. Here for a head CT after trauma.”

Felicity nodded.

“And you’re 12 weeks pregnant. Congratulations.”

“I’m sorry- What?!”

***

After a brief bout of hyperventilation, the radiologist was able to get Felicity calmed down enough to complete the CT scan. Still, she felt completely overwhelmed and wondered how much more she could handle. How could she be pregnant? And married to Oliver? And 30? So many big things had happened in her life and she was beyond frustrated that she couldn’t remember them.

When the orderly brought her back to her room, Oliver was there. He was still in the same rumpled clothes, pacing back and forth. For some reason, the sight brought a smile to Felicity’s face. At least some things were just as she remembered, and Oliver had never been good at waiting. When he saw her, he came to her side, taking over for the orderly and helping her get back into the hospital bed. He fussed over the pillows and blankets, helping her to get settled, and Felicity let him, knowing that he needed to feel useful. 

“So,” she began, once the orderly had left the room, “is there anything else you need to tell me?”

“I imagine that there are a lot of things I need to tell you,” he said, cautiously.

“How about that I’m pregnant?” she said, feeling a little annoyed at his evasiveness.

“Oh,” he said, his face falling. “I was going to tell you.”

“You were?”

“Yeah, I wanted to tell you, but you seemed very overwhelmed and I didn’t want to add to that and…” he trailed off.

“And what?”

“And we don’t know what is going on yet.”

“That’s why they did the CT. So we can figure out what’s going on,” Felicity said, feeling like she was missing something. “That’s actually when they told me about the pregnancy, which means that you thought it was important to tell my doctors but not to tell me.”

Oliver took a deep breath. “I meant that we don’t know what is going on with the pregnancy. “

“Oh,” Felicity looked down at her lap, suddenly uncomfortable.

“It’s still really early in the pregnancy and they were waiting for you to wake up to do an ultrasound. The doctor said that’s the only way they can tell if the baby is alright at this stage,” he rubbed his hand along his jaw, anxiously. “I wasn’t sure if I should tell you at all, just in case.”

“Oh,” Felicity repeated, placing a hand on her stomach. Although she was still processing the news that she was pregnant, and wasn’t yet attached to the pregnancy, she felt a pang of concern.

“The doctor said that everything should be fine, despite the fall, apparently the baby is well cushioned in there. They just need to do the ultrasound to be sure.” Oliver placed his hand over hers on her stomach, but Felicity quickly pulled hers away, feeling overwhelmed.

“Sorry,” Oliver whispered, pulling his hand back.

“It’s okay. Just a lot to process,” Felicity admitted.

“I know,” Oliver nodded. “And I should have been the one to tell you. It’s strange though, we haven’t told anyone. You wanted to wait the full 12 weeks. You didn’t want to tempt fate, you said. We were going to start telling people this weekend. Then this happened.” Oliver cleared his throat, his face once again becoming an unreadable mask. “Anyway, I spoke to Diggle. He was glad to hear that you are awake. I think he will come by a little later, I hope that will be alright?”

Felicity nodded.

“Likewise, a visit from Thea may be unavoidable. I tried to explain that you would likely need some time, but she is not great at listening.” He managed a small smile. “I know you don’t remember, but the two of you have become quite close.”

“Makes sense, since we are sort of related now,” Felicity admitted. “Does she know, by the way?”

“About what?”

“Your evening activities.”

Oliver nodded. “She does.”

“Wow, that’s big,” Felicity said, genuinely surprised. “I’ve really missed a lot.”

“You didn’t miss it,” Oliver said, “you just forgot.”

“I guess.”

“We will figure this out, Felicity,” he said, hesitantly placing his hand on her arm. “I promise.”

***

Over the next hour or so, Felicity was shuffled back and forth for additional tests, including an MRI and blood work. Oliver was always in the room waiting for her when she got back. When they were together, they sat mostly in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Dr. Bernhard came to speak to them.

“Well,” he began, “we’re still waiting on the results from the blood work, but I have had a chance to look over the imaging that has been done, and things are looking not too bad.”

“What does that mean?” Oliver asked.

“Well, I don’t see any evidence of any active brain bleeds, which is good. There is a little bit of swelling, however, which is probably why you were unconscious for so long, Mrs. Queen. It’s also probably why you’re having some issues with your memory.”

“I can’t remember the last four years,” Felicity said, more than a little irritated, “I think that’s a little more than a memory issue.”

“Well, Mrs. Queen, the brain sometimes responds to trauma, like you experienced, in different ways. Sometimes, after a trauma, they experience some memory loss, we call this post-traumatic amnesia, and in your case, it seems to have affected your memories from the past few years. The good news is that it usually passes.”

“How long will that take?” Felicity asked.

“It’s hard to say. Could be days, could be weeks. It’s almost impossible for us to determine,” Dr. Bernhard explained. “However, we will keep monitoring you for a while longer, and after that the best treatment is actually to get back to your usual routine. We find that being exposed to reminders of past memories can often trigger those memories to return.”

“So, I really could get my memories back?” Felicity asked, feeling a glimmer of hope.

“I don’t see why you wouldn’t,” Dr. Bernhard smiled. “Other than that, you seem to be in good health, so I don’t imagine you’ll be with us much longer.”

“And the baby?” Oliver asked.

“I have spoken with Obstetrics and they will be sending someone up later to do an ultrasound,” he replied. “We’ll know more then.”

Felicity felt a pang of guilt. She’d been so caught up worrying about getting her memories back that for a few minutes she’d forgotten about the pregnancy. She then felt even guiltier because a part of her almost hoped that there was no pregnancy to worry about. She was already completely overwhelmed, and how was she supposed to be a mother when she barely even knew who she was? She looked over at Oliver and she could see the worry in his eyes. She knew he was trying to be strong for her, but she also knew him well enough to know that he was struggling.   
Everything was such a mess.


	3. Chapter 3

Never in her life had Felicity been as happy to see anyone as she was when John Diggle came into her hospital room. She and Oliver had been sitting in an awkward silence for much too long.

“John,” she said, smiling brightly.

“Hey Felicity, I’m glad to see you’re back with us.” Diggle said, hugging her gently. “How are you doing?”

“As well as can be expected for someone who had can’t remember what she did last week, or last year,” Felicity told him. “By the way, you look different. Did you get a haircut?”

“Probably a few dozen,” Diggle replied.

“That must be it.”

“Hey Oliver, you’re looking a little rough,” Diggle turned to look at Oliver.

“Thank you,” he replied.

“Why don’t you go get some air? I’ll hang out here and keep watch for a while.”

Oliver nodded and stood up, stretching. “Thanks Dig.” He turned to look at Felicity. “I’ll be back soon.”

She nodded. 

After Oliver left, Diggle sat on the edge of her bed. “So, how are you doing, really? Oliver told me the doctor said you have some kind of post-traumatic amnesia.”

“It’s like there’s a big black nothing where the last few years of my life are supposed to be. It feels like this is all a dream, or maybe that I’m going crazy,” Felicity sighed. “It seems like just yesterday I was   
Oliver’s assistant, going about my double life and taking down the criminals one hack at a time. Then today things are completely different, I’ve lost all of this time and I find out that not only am I with Oliver, I’m married to him. He will barely leave my side, and he’s just sitting there looking at me like I could disappear at any moment, or maybe he’s looking at me like I already have disappeared. I don’t even know who I am in 2018, or what I’m like.”

“Hey, you’re still you, even in 2018,” Diggle said reassuringly. “Trust me on that much.”

“I’m a stranger to my own life,” she said, frustrated. “I don’t know what’s been going on, I don’t know what I do every day, I don’t even know where I live. I don’t know anything about my life. I have so many   
questions.”

“So ask them,” he said. “Believe it or not, I know you pretty well Felicity Queen.”

“That sounds so weird ,” Felicity made a face. “Seriously, when did I become Felicity Queen?”

“August 8th 2015. I should know, I walked you down the aisle.”

“You did?” Felicity put her hand on Diggle’s arm. “That’s so sweet. I would have thought you’d have been Oliver’s best man.”

“I did that too,” Diggle smiled. 

“Of course.”

“What else do you want to know?”

“I don’t even know where to start,” Felicity admitted.

“Do you want me to give you the highlights?”

“Yes please,” Felicity said, leaning back onto the pillows.

“Well, let’s see. You and Oliver told me that you were together some time in January of that year, although I’m pretty sure something had been going on since the fall. Around the same time, you decided that   
you weren’t going be his girlfriend and his assistant, so you went back to IT. They’ve tried to promote you there a few times, but you’ve turned down most promotions since apparently you’d rather deal with the tech than manage people.”

“That sounds like me.”

“You and Oliver got engaged sometime around May, I think. There was a close call, and I think that’s what prompted it. You’ll have to get him to tell you the whole story. He bought you the house shortly after. It’s on Blind Line, by the way, just a few kilometers out of the city proper. You two actually got married there. It’s a nice piece of property.”

“I hear it has a porch.”

“That it does,” Diggle nodded. “Things at the Foundry have been business as usual. We’ve had more than our fair share of work, minor stuff mostly, but we’ve taken down a few major threats as well. Roy’s been around a lot more, and Sara comes and goes.”

"I heard Thea knows.”

“Yes she does. Oliver hasn’t gotten any better with his excuses and it finally caught up to him,” Diggle shrugged. “She took it surprisingly well though.”

Felicity nodded. Listening to Diggle talk seemed to only increase her frustration about her missing memories. She didn’t want to just hear about the things that Diggle was telling her, she wanted to remember them. To remember the details and to be able to feel the way she was supposed to feel, about Oliver and Thea and everything.

“It’s going to be okay, you know?” Diggle said, as though he could read her thoughts. “We’re going to figure this out.”

“I hope so. The doctor said that my memory would probably come back, but what if it doesn’t?” Felicity rambled. “I can’t be Oliver’s wife; I don’t even remember starting a relationship with him. I don’t   
remember our first date or our first kiss. I’m his friend, his Girl Wednesday, his partner in crime, but that’s as far as it goes. The Oliver I remember doesn’t have any romantic inclinations towards me, but this Oliver, the one I’ve woken up to, is looking at me like I’m the most precious thing in the world and I have to admit, it’s kind of freaking me out. And what’s going to happen when they let me out of the hospital, I’m going to go live with him? In a house that I don’t remember, one that he apparently bought for me? And I’m supposed to have his baby and live happily ever after? How can I be a wife and mother when I don’t even know who I am anymore?”

“You’re pregnant?” Diggle said, surprise evident.

Felicity clapped her hands over her mouth. “Yes, I mean, maybe. I don’t know.” She sighed. “I don’t think I was supposed to tell you that. Apparently I didn’t want to tell anyone until after 12 weeks, but I guess I -was- pregnant or I -am- pregnant but they’re not sure if the baby is okay because of the accident and they have to do an ultrasound or something to see.”

“Oh Felicity,” Diggle said softly, taking her hand. “I didn’t know. I mean, I knew you guys had been trying, but it’s been almost a year, so I didn’t know.”

“He didn’t tell me we’d been trying for a while,” she said quietly.

“You guys didn’t talk about it much. I know he was worried, and you were too.”

“So, we finally get pregnant, and I might lose the baby,” she sighed. “And even if we don’t, best case scenario is a brain damaged mother who doesn’t even remember trying to get pregnant. No wonder Oliver looks like the floor is about to drop out from underneath him.”

“It’s going to be okay.”

“I’m scared, Dig,” Felicity admitted. “I don’t know if I can do this. I can’t be who he wants me to be.”

“He just wants you to be you.”

“No, he wants me to be -her-. The Felicity he married, the one he loves, and the one who loves him.”

“I don’t think those are as different as you’re making them out to be,” Diggle smiled. “You seem just the same to me.”

“Thanks.”

Felicity started to think of another question to ask, when a woman in salmon coloured scrubs came to knock at the door.

“Mrs. Queen?” she asked.

“That’s me,” Felicity responded. “Or so they tell me.”

The woman frowned. “I’m Dr. Segal, from Obstetrics. Dr. Bernhard asked me to come and do an ultrasound.”

Felicity nodded. “You’re in the right place.” She turned to Diggle. “Could you go get Oliver?”

“Of course.” He kissed her forehead. “It will all be alright. Don’t worry.”

“Thanks John.”

***

It wasn’t until she was lying back, with her hospital gown pushed up and cold gel being spread across her stomach that Felicity really thought about the life potentially growing inside of her. In that moment Felicity felt a flood of guilt and protectiveness and sent up a prayer to whoever was listening for the baby to be safe and healthy. She may not remember wanting or conceiving a baby, and she certainly didn’t feel ready to be a mother, but she realized that she didn’t want to lose the baby either. Squeezing her eyes shut, she blindly held out her right hand towards Oliver. He took it and squeezed reassuringly.

“A lot of first time parents worry after a fall, but this early in the pregnancy, the uterus is still protected within the pelvis, which means the risk to the fetus is minimal. Still, it’s best to be cautious, so let’s take a look,” Dr. Segal started to run the wand across Felicity’s abdomen. 

For a moment time seemed to stand still, and then they heard it- the steady thumping sound. Felicity opened her eyes and turned to look at the monitor. She could just make out a blurry shape that looked vaguely baby like.

“Alright, there we go,” Dr Segal said, smiling. “The heartbeat sounds strong, and at 150 beats per minute we’re right where we should be at 12 weeks.”

She continued to move the wand along Felicity’s abdomen, trying to get a better angle. Finding a good view, she froze the screen. “Let’s take a look. There you can see the head,” she said gesturing, “and there’s a hand, and the legs. Everything looks just as it should.”

Felicity let out the breath she hadn’t realized that she’d been holding. She looked away from the screen, turning to look at Oliver. As their eyes met, she noticed that his shone with unshed tears. He looked both thrilled and relieved. Felicity was relieved too, but she knew that she wasn’t feeling anything close to what Oliver must be feeling. For him this was -their- child, the one they’d planned for, and waited for, while to her it still felt like a dream.

“Well, Mrs. Queen, I would suggest that you follow up with your regular OB in the next week or so, but since things look good now, I don’t anticipate that there will be any issues from the fall,” Dr. Segal turned off the machine and wiped the gel off of Felicity’s stomach. 

“Thank you,” Oliver said, clearing his throat.

“You’re welcome,” Dr. Segal responded, as she left the room, “and congratulations.”

“So,” Felicity began, covering her stomach again, “I guess we’re having a baby.”

Oliver hesitantly reached out and took her hand again, “We are having a baby.”

Felicity wasn’t sure whether she should be thrilled or terrified. These were hardly the circumstances under which she thought she’d have a child. All she could think was - I really need to get my memory back.

***

“Hey sister sister,” a youthful voice exclaimed, waking Felicity once again. She opened her eyes and saw Thea, smiling broadly as she stepped into the hospital room.

“Thea?” Felcity mumbled, as she tried to get into a seated position.

“Oh God, were you sleeping?” Thea said, coming to Felicity’s side. “I’m so sorry. I was just so glad that you were finally awake. Although, I guess you weren’t really.”

Thea helped Felicity to arrange the pillows behind her so that she could sit up, and then gave her a hug.

“We were so worried,” Thea told her.

“I know,” Felicity said, looking to the chair Oliver had been occupying, which was conspicuously empty. “Where did Oliver go?”

“Diggle took him home to get some stuff,” Thea replied. “He hadn’t left the hospital since you were admitted, and it was getting kind of gross.”

Felicity smiled. “That’s good; things have been a little intense today.”

“I can imagine,” Thea said. “How are you feeling?”

No matter how many times she was asked this question, Felicity still wasn’t sure how to respond. Her whole world had been flipped upside down and she was struggling to find her equilibrium. How was she feeling? Overwhelmed to say the least; scared, confused, exhausted. She couldn’t even begin to sort it all out.

“I’m okay,” she said, finally. “Tired, and more than a little confused, but okay.”

“Yeah, Ollie said that you were having memory issues.” Thea perched on the edge of Felicity’s bed.

Felicity nodded. “I don’t remember anything from the last four years.”

“Seriously? Nothing?” Thea asked.

“Nothing yet,” Felicity said, “but the doctor said my memory will probably come back in time.”

“That sucks.”

“Yes, it does.”

“Well, sister sister,” Thea smiled, “I have a present for you.”

“Sister sister?” Felicity frowned, confused.

“Yeah, you know, like the show.”

“With the twins?”

“Yeah- sister, sister, never knew how much I missed ya,” Thea sang.

Felicity chuckled. “I think I remember.”

“Well, that’s you; you’re my sister sister, the one I never knew I always wanted,” Thea said with a smile.

“Oh,” Felicity said softly, feeling guilty. Oliver had mentioned that they’d become close, but she hadn’t realized how close they must have been. Growing up, she too had always wanted a sister, and now it seemed that she had finally gotten her wish, but she didn’t remember any of it. 

“I’m sorry I don’t remember,” she said sincerely.

“It’s okay,” Thea responded. “Do you want your present now?”

“Sure.”

Thea reached into her bag and pulled out a tablet. “Okay, so it’s just my crappy tablet and not your awesome one, but I figured if you didn’t remember marrying my brother, you wouldn’t remember your password, and you keep that thing locked down tighter than the Queen family jewels so no one else can use it.”

Felicity smiled. “That is true.”

“Plus, I know that you’re probably crazy bored stuck in this bed and not being able to research all the stuff the doctors have been telling you. Don’t deny it; you know that you love to be super-informed. You nearly drove Ollie insane the last time you bought a car. Not to mention the last time he was in the hospital and you were practically banned because you drove the staff crazy with questions.”

Felicity took the tablet from Thea. “Thank you, this was really thoughtful.”

“That’s what sisters are for.”

On an impulse, Felicity leaned forward and hugged Thea. “Alright, now catch me up. What have you been doing for the last four years?”


	4. Chapter 4

Oliver returned just in time for evening rounds. He was freshly showered and dressed, but still wore the same tired, worried expression that he’d had before he left. He dropped a small bag on the side table and settled into his chair.

“I was just telling Mrs. Queen” Dr. Bernhard began.

“Felicity,” she interjected.

“Indeed,” Dr. Bernhard continued. “I was just telling Felicity that I’d like to keep her one more night for observation, and run another CT scan in the morning. However, if that CT is clear, there’s no reason she can’t go home tomorrow. Her blood work is normal, and her wrist and other injuries are minimal. The only pressing concern is the memory loss, and the best thing that we can do for that is to allow Mrs, I mean Felicity, to get back to her usual routine.”

“You really think that will get my memory back?” Felicity asked.

“I am optimistic about it,” Dr. Bernhard said, “although I would also recommend that you see a neuropsychologist, to help you work through the process of regaining your memories. I know of one in Starling City, so I can make the referral if you’d like.”

“Please,” Felicity said, knowing that she’d agree to anything if it could help get her memory back, even if it was a shrink.

“Wonderful. I will contact Dr. Callahan with the referral and her office will contact you next week.”

“Thank you Dr. Bernhard,” Oliver said, standing up to shake the doctor’s hand.

“You’re very welcome. Now get some rest, both of you,” he said, looking pointedly at Felicity and Oliver. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

After the doctor left, Oliver turned to Felicity. “How are you holding up?”

Felicity ran her hand through her hair, sighing. “As well as can be expected, I suppose.”

“How did your visit with Thea go?”

“Really good,” Felicity said. “Even though I don’t remember having such a close relationship with her, it was still great to catch up. I can’t believe all that she’s been up to with managing the club and getting her degree at the same time. She’s come a long way.”

Oliver smiled. “That she has.”

“And she brought me a tablet, so I’ve been catching up with the world too. I can’t believe how many silly reality shows have kept going when some of my favourite shows have been cancelled. Not impressed. Plus I totally missed the new Star Wars movie, which apparently actually lived up to expectations. And don’t get me started on the new President. I can’t even talk about that.”

“Well, let me assure you that you did not vote for him. You also enjoyed the new Star Wars movie, and we own it, so you will have the chance to watch it. In fact, I think you might appreciate getting to watch it again for the first time. Also, rest assured that you have found new shows to love and to force me to watch.”

“Okay, good.”

“I brought you a few things as well,” he said, reaching for the bag, and handing it to Felicity. “It isn’t much, just some clothes and pyjamas and a few photo albums. About a year ago, you got it into your head that we needed to have real photo albums with printed photos instead of just digital ones, so you spent hours putting these together.”

Felicity opened the bag and reached past the clothes, pulling out a thick leather album. She ran her hand along the smooth cover, unsure if she was ready to face the potential Pandora’s box contained inside.

“I thought they might help.”

“Thank you,” Felicity said softly, looking up and meeting Oliver’s eyes. He looked so hopeful, as though he’d convinced himself that if she could just see what their life had been like, she would remember. Felicity wasn’t so certain, and she wasn’t sure she could handle his response if the photos didn’t trigger any memories.

“I’m just a little tired, though,” Felicity said, hoping it didn’t sound as lame an excuse as it did in her head. “I’ll take a look later, okay?” She put the album back into the bag.

Oliver nodded, a look of hurt crossing his face. “Did you want to get changed? I could help, if you needed.”

“Thank you, but Karen, the nurse from earlier said she would come by to help me shower before her shift ends. So, she should be by shortly.”

“Oh, okay,” Oliver sat back in the chair. 

“You should go home,” she said, “get some rest. You must be exhausted.”

“I’m okay here.”

“Seriously Oliver, that chair can’t be comfortable and I’ll just be sleeping. You could get some decent sleep and then come back in the morning.”

“I’m not leaving you,” he said firmly.

“Okay.”

***

The evening passed quickly. The shower relaxed Felicity so fully that she fell asleep as soon as she was back in the bed. She woke once in the night to find that Oliver had pulled his chair against her bed. He was sleeping with his head tucked into her side on the bed, his hand clutching hers tightly. 

In the morning they made small talk as they shared her breakfast at her insistence. He wouldn’t leave her side to get something for himself and she was too nauseous to eat much of anything. After breakfast they took her down for another CT scan and before the morning was over, she had been cleared to go home.

Felicity, needing to feel some sense of control, convinced both the nurse and Oliver to let her get dressed on her own while Oliver went to get the car. Felicity took her time changing, noticing the slight changes in her body that time had brought. Her breasts were fuller and her waist was slightly thicker, likely because of the pregnancy. She also seemed to be in better shape than she remembered, with noticeable muscle definition in her arms and legs. She also discovered a small green arrow tattooed on her left hip; it was simple and cute, no more than an inch long, and Felicity found herself wondering when she’d gotten it.

She stepped into the well worn jeans and pulled on her favourite MIT sweatshirt. She was pleased that Oliver had chosen to bring not just clothes she remembered, but her favourite comfort clothing. As she did up the jeans, she felt something poking through the pocket. Slipping her hand inside, she pulled out a set of rings. One was a platinum band with bead set stones, topped off with a large round solitaire, the other was a matching band- her wedding rings. She contemplated them for a moment, debating whether she was ready to put them on, to become Felicity Queen. 

Then she put them on, because there was no debate. Whether she remembered it or not, she -was- Felicity Queen. This wasn’t a dream, this was her life, and she needed to start living it. She looked down at the rings, their sparkle standing out against the deep blue of her splint. It was time to go home. 

As per hospital policy, Felicity was taken out of the hospital in a wheelchair. As the orderly pushed her out the front doors she saw Oliver, once again pacing, talking on his cell phone. He was standing in front of a blue grey Audi Q5 hybrid, likely the car that Felicity had researched to death, according to Thea. When he saw her, he quickly hung up and walked over to her, picking up her bag and taking her by the hand to help her out of the wheelchair.

“Are you ready to go home?” he asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” she said, giving him a small smile.

He helped her into the car, even going as far as to buckle her in, and she let him, knowing that he was just as nervous as she was. He put her bag in the back, and then got in.

They passed the drive in relative silence, Felicity watching the city go by out her window, while Oliver kept looking over at her with an intensity that she could practically feel.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she told him, when she couldn’t take it any longer. “I have no intention of disappearing, or of jumping out of the car while we’re driving.”

“I know,” he said sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I get it,” she said, “sort of. I’m me, but I’m not -her-.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” he said, his voice low and serious.

“I know,” she told him softly. Felicity knew that she should reassure him, but she couldn’t. She didn’t know what the future would bring for either of them, whether she would recover her memories, whether they would work things out. She was just as afraid of losing herself as he was.

“So,” she said finally, “you’re still hanging in as CEO. I have to admit I’m a little surprised.”

“You and me both,” he told her. “I have actually started to enjoy it, well, parts of it. And as it turns out, I am actually pretty good at it.”

He looked over at her and smiled, “although I do have to admit, I have had a lot of help.”

As they drove out of Starling and down the country roads just outside of the city, they passed the time by talking about Queen Consolidated and all of the changes that Oliver had implemented in his time as CEO. 

Felicity stopped listening, however, when Oliver turned down a long driveway and she caught her first view of the house. 

It may not have triggered a memory, but it did take her breath away. It was perfect. The two storey house was much larger than the one that Felicity had grown up in, but was probably considered small by Queen standards. It had an almost rustic look to it; painted wood with a stone chimney and stone columns, but what really stood out was the large porch that wrapped around most of the house. In the last 48 hours there had been a lot of things that Felicity had struggled to believe were true, but living in this house wasn’t one of them. It really was the house she’d always dreamed of.

Oliver pulled up in front of the house and turned off the car, looking over at Felicity, who couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of the house. “Are you ready to go inside?”

Felicity just nodded.

Oliver came around the car and opened the door for her, taking her hand and helping her out. She followed him up the steps, admiring the wooden porch swing as he unlocked the door. They stepped into the front entryway and Felicity got her first look at the interior. She walked through the front entryway past the stairs into a large living room with a stone fireplace. The walls were a calming sage green, and across the mantle she could see her own family photos alongside Oliver’s, with a black and white photo of him and his father next to a large wooden sailboat.

“It’s perfect,” she said as Oliver came to stand beside her.

“That’s exactly what you said the first time I brought you here,” Oliver said, a wistful expression on his face. “Of course then you proceeded to tell me off for buying a house without consulting you first.”

Felicity smiled. “That definitely sounds like something that I would do.”

“Are you up to doing the grand tour?”

“Sure.”

Oliver took Felicity through the entire house, room by room. Although she was tired, she looked around each room attentively, hoping that something would spark a memory. Unfortunately the only items she recognized were hers from before the accident. Still, she could see her own influences throughout, the brightly coloured table runner in the dining room, the top of the line coffee maker in the kitchen and the wall of bookshelves in the living room. It was strange experience to see her own things in this house mixed with Oliver’s, as though she really had stepped into some kind of alternate universe.

As he took her around the house, he shared a few stories about the house and their experience moving in. He told her that his mother had tried to buy them a chandelier for their dining room. This had been before she’d seen the house, of course, as it was not the type of house that would suit a chandelier. He told her that she’d spent weeks driving him crazy with paint swatches, since she was determined that the house would be done in soothing colours, so that it could be a retreat from the chaos of their lives. 

Felicity tried to take it all in. She didn’t remember the house or any of the stories that Oliver told her, but there was just something comfortable and familiar about it. She may not have felt like she’d ever been there before, but she also couldn’t shake the feeling that she was home.


	5. Chapter 5

After the tour, Felicity went to the bedroom to lay down for a few minutes while Oliver made lunch. She already thrown up twice since they’d arrived, solidifying her discovery that morning sickness doesn’t go away just because you forget you’re pregnant. 

As she lay on the soft bed and looked around, she willed herself to remember something, anything about her life. The room was painted a soothing shade of blue, with a single painted landscape hanging over the bed. There was a bookshelf in the corner, but no other furniture aside from the king sized bed and a single night table, on one side of the bed. Felicity assumed that it was her side, because of the charging station, glasses case and stack of pregnancy books that rested there. 

Lying on her side, she picked up one of the books and flipped through it. A number of pages were earmarked and there were blocks of text circled and underlined, along with notes in all the margins. Felicity smiled as she recalled how many of her textbooks in College had ended up much the same way. 

Not long after Felicity woke up to a hand gently stroking her hair.

“Felicity,” Oliver whispered. “Hey, come and get some lunch.”

They headed down to the dining room, to eat the soup and sandwiches that Oliver had prepared. Beside her water glass, Felicity found two large pills and looked at Oliver questioningly. 

“Prenatal vitamins.”

“Gotcha,” Felicity said, taking the pills with the water.

Felicity was a few bites into her soup when suddenly her brain made the connection. “This is my Nana’s chicken soup,” she declared.

“I know,” Oliver responded.

“You know how to make my Nana’s chicken soup?”

“I know how to help you make your Nana’s chicken soup,” he admitted. “This is just reheated. A few weeks ago, the morning sickness was so bad that this was one of the only things that you could eat so we made a huge batch to freeze, so that we would have it on hand. I thought it might make you feel more at home.”

“It does,” Felicity told him. “Thank you.”

“I just want to help in whatever way that I can.”

“I know.” Felicity took another bite of her soup, taking comfort in its familiarity.

As they ate, Felicity asked some of the questions she had, and Oliver attempting to catch her up to what their friends and family had been up to in the last few years.

Felicity’s mother, Irene, called not long after they had finished eating.

“Oh good, you’re alive,” Irene said when Felicity answered.

“Hello to you too mom,” Felicity replied.

Irene continued talking without missing a beat. “I’ve been trying to call but I couldn’t get a hold of anybody. Oliver left me a message a couple of days ago saying that you’d been in some sort of accident and then yesterday he left another one saying that you had some kind of amnesia or something. That’s crazy, of course, because who really gets amnesia aside from characters on soap operas? But I haven’t been able to get Oliver on the phone, and I wanted to check in on you and make sure you’re alright. I’ve been busy though; I just finished working a double shift and all the crazies were out today. But anyway, I’m glad that I called because I was getting worried, but you sound like you’re fine.”

“Actually, mom-” Felicity began. 

“That husband of yours worries too much,” Irene continued. “I guess he can afford to with all that money of his. I tell ya Felicity, you lucked out with that one. Even if you get divorced, you will still be set for life. I know, I know, that’s not the reason you married him, I’m just saying.”

As she listened to her mother ramble, Felicity felt oddly comforted. Despite all the things in her life that had changed in the last four years, her mother seemed exactly the same. Felicity’s relationship with her mother had always been challenging, to say the least, and there had even been times when Felicity was growing up that she had wondered which one of them was the parent. Still, her mother had always tried to do her best for Felicity, and she had worked hard at a lot of crappy jobs to make sure that their family had always had everything they needed and Felicity was grateful for that.

“Mom,” Felicity said, interrupting her mother’s tirade about her work day.

“What is it?” Irene asked.

“I love you,” Felicity said, finding herself tearing up.

“I love you too baby.”

Irene fell silent for a moment, but then said “you are alright, aren’t you?”

Felicity nodded. “Yeah mom, I’m alright. It’s just a bump on the head and a sprained wrist. I’m sure I’ll be back to normal soon.”

Felicity couldn’t bring herself to tell her mother the whole truth. She didn’t know what Oliver had left in his message, and she didn’t want to worry her any more than she had to. 

“Oh good,” Irene replied, relief evident in her voice. “You know I’d come out there if I could. It’s just really hard to get away from work. But if you really needed me to, I could figure it out.”

“It’s okay mom, you don’t need to come out here. I’m really okay,” Felicity said, hoping she sounded convincing.

“Alright baby,” Irene said. “I should go. I just got home and I am wiped out.”

“Go rest mom,” Felicity said softly. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Feel better baby.”

“I will,” Felicity replied. “Bye mom.”

Felicity had wandered out onto the front porch as she’d been talking. As she hung up the phone, she sat down on the porch swing, tucking her legs underneath her. The swing rocked gently as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Oliver came out onto the porch a few minutes later. He stood, leaning against the railing and looking out at their yard.

“Was that your mom?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“You okay?” he looked back at her over his shoulder.

Felicity nodded. “It was good to hear her voice.” She smiled, “she still rambles.”

Oliver turned to face Felicity. “Sounds like someone else I know.”

“Yes, well, rambling is what Smoak women do best.”

Felicity shifted over to one side of the swing, making space for Oliver. 

“I couldn’t tell her,” Felicity admitted. “I don’t know how much you told her in your messages but I just couldn’t tell her that I don’t remember anything.”

“I can understand that,” Oliver said, sitting next to her on the swing.

“It would just stress her out, and she’d try and come out here. I just don’t think I could handle that right now.”

Oliver nodded.

“I love my mom. She’s always been good to me. But she can be a lot to handle, and I think I have plenty of that right now. And who knows, maybe my memory will come back and I won’t have to tell her. I just don’t want her to worry.”

Felicity frowned. “Am I a bad person for not telling her? I mean she’s my mom and this is a really big thing to keep from her. Should I have told her?”

Oliver paused before answering. “I can understand why you decided not to tell her right now and I want you to know that I support you in whatever you decide. If tomorrow you change your mind and you want to fly her out here, we can do that too.”

“Thank you,” Felicity said, meeting his gaze. “I think I just need to figure out how I’m feeling before I can deal with her feelings, or anyone else’s for that matter.” 

They sat quietly for a few minutes, the porch swing rocking soothingly.

“I should go and finish the reports for my tomorrow’s meetings,” Oliver said, standing up. “Do you need anything?”

“No, thank you.”

Oliver reached out and gently stroked Felicity’s hair before turning and heading back into the house, leaving Felicity alone with her thoughts. 

***

After dinner Oliver and Felicity settled onto the couch to watch “His Girl Friday”, one of Felicity’s favourite movies. Exhausted from the events of the day, Felicity barely managed to keep her eyes open until the end of the movie. So, as the credits rolled, she excused herself to go to bed.

As she stood, she realized that she wasn’t just heading up to her bed, she was heading up to -their- bed. Trivial as it seemed, she wasn’t sure that she was comfortable sharing a bed with Oliver. Although technically he was her husband, it didn’t feel that way, he just felt like a friend. She wasn’t ready to jump into bed with him with her feelings as jumbled as they were, especially knowing his feelings for her went much deeper than that. 

“Oliver, I,” she began, not knowing how to begin.

He looked up at her. “Do you want me to sleep in the guest room?”

“Is that okay? Or maybe I should sleep in the guest room, I mean it’s not really fair for me to kick you out of your bed, or I guess it’s our bed, but I don’t really remember it, so in that way it’s really just yours.”

“Felicity,” he stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay. You should sleep in our bed, and I will be fine in the guest room.”

“Thank you,” she said softly.

“Get some rest,” Oliver said, taking his hand of her shoulder and gently running it along the length of her arm before dropping it at his side. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“I will. Goodnight.”

***

_“How are your ribs?” Felicity asked him, as Oliver came to sit beside her on the swing._

_“Not too bad, which probably means they’re just bruised, not cracked.”_

_Felicity took a sip of her tea. “For a second there, I thought I lost you tonight. There was a crash and the comms went dead and for just a moment I wondered if this was the going to be the night I lost you.”_

_He reached out a hand to cup her face, gently running his thumb across her bottom lip. “Hey, I’m okay.”_

_She reached up to cover his hand with her own, turning her head slightly to kiss his palm. “I know you’re okay tonight, but maybe another night you won’t be. Maybe we shouldn’t be trying to have a baby; maybe we’re kidding ourselves trying to have a normal life.”_

_“Don’t say that. We can do this. I have you and Dig, and even Roy, watching my back. We could make it work as a family,” Oliver put his arm around Felicity’s shoulders and pulled her towards him, leaning back on the swing. “I want that with you, the whole package, a baby and a normal life. I’m sure we can figure it out.”_

_Felicity nodded, and Oliver kissed the top of her head. “C’mon, it’s late, let’s go to bed.”_

_“It’s not late, it’s early; the sun’s about to come up,” she told him. “Let’s just stay here a few more minutes.”_

_“Okay,” he said, dropping a light kiss on her lips._

_Felicity curled closer into his side, careful not to press against his bruised ribs. The warmth of his body and the steady slow beat of his heart comforted her as they watched the sun rise from their porch._

***  
Felicity’s eyes snapped open, her head throbbing. Looking out the window, she saw that it was still dark outside. She eased herself into a sitting position, trying to shake off the dream she’d had. Or maybe it   
hadn’t been a dream, maybe it was a memory? It had seemed real enough. Maybe her subconscious was trying to help her out, to throw her a bone. 

She got out of bed and headed downstairs to the kitchen. She spent a few minutes opening and closing cupboards before she was able to find a glass. She turned on the tap to pour herself a glass of water, when she heard a noise behind her.

She turned and saw Oliver, shirtless and wearing grey pyjama pants. “Oh, I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

He shook his head. “I was already up.”

“Okay, good. I mean, not good. You should be able to sleep, just good that I’m not the one that woke you.” Felicity sighed. 

Oliver gave her an amused look. “Why are you awake?”

“Had a dream.”

“Nightmare?” he asked.

She shook her head and took a sip of her water. “Actually, I think it might have been a memory.”

Oliver raised his eyebrows. “What happened?”

“We were on the swing, out on the porch. You had some bruised ribs or something, and it was after a mission where the comms had died. It was really late, or maybe early.”

“We watched the sun rise?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“That was a memory from the fall, I think. We fell asleep on the swing and I missed a couple of meetings.”

“Okay, that’s good to know,” Felicity said, rubbing the side of her neck.

“Did you remember anything else?” 

Felicity shook her head, frowning. “No, sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Oliver approached her, and put a hand on her upper arm, looking into her eyes. “Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah, I’ve got a bit of a headache, but I’m okay.”

“Okay.”

“I should go back to bed,” Felicity told him, taking a step backwards. She put the glass in the sink and quickly left the kitchen.

***

When Felicity came down the stairs the next morning, Oliver was already dressed and in the kitchen, standing at the counter.

“Please tell me that is coffee that I smell,” she said.

“It is indeed,” he told her, pulling down a mug and pouring her a cup, “but it is also decaf.”

“Right. No caffeine for the pregnant lady.”

“Actually, there’s no caffeine for either of us. That was the deal we made,” he said, handing her the mug.

“Are you planning on gaining an extra 30 pounds as well?”

“Not planning, no,” he said, smiling. “Can I make you something to eat?”

“I will have you know, I am perfectly capable of making my own toast,” she told him, opening the fridge and pouring milk into her coffee.

“You‘re going to have more than toast, aren’t you? You need to eat properly.”

Felicity sighed. “Don’t go all mother hen on me. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“I know you are,” Oliver sighed as he picked up a sealed envelope from the kitchen table. “I have something for you.”

“What is it?”

“It’s your ‘In Case of Death’ folder,” he said, frowning.

“My what?” she asked.

“Your ‘In Case of Death’ folder. A few years ago, you were worried that if something happened to you we wouldn’t be able to access the systems we needed, so you made this. You keep it locked up in the safe in the office. I remembered about it last night, so I pulled it out this morning,” he handed her the file.

“Do you know what’s in it?” She asked, turning the envelope over in her hands.

“There’s a copy of our will and a letter regarding your funeral wishes. However, what I thought you might find helpful right now is the list of computer passwords and other system-related instructions on how to use some of the security features and what not. Anyway, the information you need to access your tablet and your computer systems should all be in there.”

“Thank you.”

“Now, are you sure that you don’t need me to stay with you today?”

“I will be fine on my own,” Felicity insisted. “You need to go to work, and I’ve got lots of reading to do.”

“You will call if you need anything?”

“Of course.”

Oliver stepped forward, as though to kiss her, but stopped halfway. Instead, he awkwardly patted her shoulder, and then walked past her out of the kitchen, sighing. 

Felicity turned slightly to watch him go, but he never looked back. When she heard the door close, she took a deep breath and sat down at the table, contemplating the envelope. Leave it to her to have planned for every potential outcome, including her own death or, in this case, the death of her memories. If anything was going to lead her down the path to recovering the last four years, Felicity knew she would need to start with her computers. Technology, after all, was what made Felicity Smoak (and Felicity Queen) who she was.


	6. Chapter 6

The first week that Felicity was home from the hospital was rough to say the least. After she’d convinced Oliver to go back to work, she had hoped that she would be able to go back soon after. However she hadn’t considered what it would be like to forget four years of technological advances. With the help of her “In case of death” file, she’d been able to log on to her systems in the house, but had a lot more trouble navigating them than she’d anticipated. Basic things like web searches were easy, as they hadn’t changed much, but there were programs and systems that she’d never dealt with before that, for the moment, seemed beyond her abilities. How was she supposed to work in IT when right now she was the one who needed to call IT? After a few days, Felicity realized that her recovery and her return to work were going to take a lot longer than she’d planned. 

Adding to her frustration, Felicity also hadn’t remembered anything beyond the dream she’d had her first night in the house. This was in spite of her best efforts to jog her memory by exploring the house and the surrounding property, as well as visiting Queen Consolidated when she met Oliver for lunch. Still, no object or place seemed to evoke any memories, no matter how long she stared. She and Thea had even spent an afternoon going through the photo albums that Felicity had been too overwhelmed to look at in the hospital.

Thea had dropped by at noon the first day that Oliver had gone back to work, a bag from Big Belly Burger in hand. Felicity had invited her in and they’d sat together at the table, eating their burgers.

“Alright, Thea, fess up. Did Oliver send you?” Felicity asked.

“Not exactly,” Thea admitted, sheepishly. “I called him this morning to see how you were doing, and he just seemed really worried about you. He didn’t like leaving you here by yourself while you were recovering.”

Felicity sighed. 

“He loves you, he’s allowed to worry,” Thea admonished. “Anyway, you should be thanking me, because I’m pretty sure he was planning to come home until I said that I would drop by and bring you lunch.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s no biggie,” Thea smiled. “I had the afternoon off anyway.”

“Do we do this a lot?” Felicity asked. “Have lunch, I mean? Oliver mentioned that we were close.”

“Yeah, we usually get lunch or go shopping or something a few times a month; it just depends on how busy things get. I think we’re both trying to catch up on a lifetime’s worth of sister stuff since neither of us had a sister growing up.”

“I did always want a sister,” Felicity said, smiling. 

“Well you’ve got one now.”

“I’m glad for that.”

Thea regaled Felicity with tales of her morning classes as they finished their burgers, and they headed into the living room. As they sat on the couch, Thea noticed the stack of photo albums on the table. They were the same ones that Oliver had brought to the hospital. Felicity had put them there earlier, intending to look through them, but had lost her nerve.

“I see you’ve got out the albums,” Thea said. “Have they helped you to remember anything?”

“I actually haven’t opened them yet,” Felicity admitted. “I was afraid that it might be weird to look at pictures of myself from events that I don’t remember. Like I’m looking at an alternate version of my life, except it is my life, but my life that I don’t remember. Not that that makes it any less my life, but it’s like a stranger lived part of my life and now I’m just getting it back and I have to see all the things that they did when they were me.”

Thea put a hand on Felicity’s arm. “Okay, sis, you are definitely over thinking this. They’re just pictures, and you’re going to have to see them sooner or later.”

Thea picked up a brown leather album. “C’mon, we can look through them together. Maybe if I can tell you what’s happening in the pictures, it won’t seem so strange.” 

She opened the album; on the first page were photos of Oliver and Felicity dressed up at the Queen mansion with Moira and Thea. “I remember this, it was the first Queen Holiday party after you and Ollie started seeing each other. Ollie drove mom crazy because he kept insisting that you be included in all the family photos, but you guys hadn’t told her that you were together yet, you hadn’t told any of us. She kept telling Ollie that his assistant didn’t belong with the family, and you were on her side, but Ollie wouldn’t let up and eventually he wore both of you down. It was pretty great.”

Although Thea spent the entire afternoon going through the stack of photo albums with Felicity, telling her stories about holidays and parties, Felicity still hadn’t recovered any more memories. Talking to Thea had helped to fill in some of the blanks, but hearing about what had happened from someone else wasn’t the same as remembering it for herself. In some ways it was actually more frustrating to know what had happened and to not be able to remember it. 

By the end of the week, Felicity had cleaned the house from top to bottom in order to deal with everything that she was feeling. Her frustration with not being able to remember, and her struggles catching up with technology were compounded by pregnancy hormones, throwing her emotions completely out of whack. 

Oliver had come home one night and found her in tears sitting at her desk in her office.

“Felicity, what’s wrong?” he asked, rushing to her side.

“I got an error message that I’ve never seen before and so I had to look it up online and I still don’t know how to fix it,” she sobbed. 

Oliver gently pulled her up out of the chair and into his arms, holding her as she continued to sob.

“I can’t even fix my own computer. How am I supposed to work in IT if I can’t even fix my own system? What if I can’t figure it out? What if I’m too far behind? New stuff comes out every day and I’m already four years behind. If I can’t get my brain to remember all this stuff, I might never catch up, and I don’t know how to do anything else.”

“Hey,” Oliver whispered into her hair. “It’s going to be okay. We are going to figure this out.”

All week she’d kept her distance from Oliver, as she struggled with the sudden shift in their relationship, and he’d respected that. They’d made idle conversation over breakfast and dinner, but Oliver had let her have her space. Felicity didn’t remember being his wife, but that didn’t mean that she’d never had any feelings for him, and she’d been afraid that if she reached out to him, she would lose herself in that relationship without ever figuring out how she really felt. Still, she’d missed her friend.

Being in his arms now, she felt safe and comforted; something that had been in short order ever since she woke up and her whole world was turned upside down. Oliver’s embrace grounded her and allowed to begin to confront what had happened to her. Her tears may have started because of an error message, but it seemed in the safety of Oliver’s arms the floodgates had opened and all of the worries that Felicity had pushed to the back of her mind came forth. 

“It’s been a week and I have exactly one memory of the last four years and I swear I’ve looked at every single thing in this house and nothing else is coming back. I can’t go to work because for the first time _in my entire life_ I suck with computers, which also means that I can’t help you and Dig, not that you’d probably let me go to the Foundry anyway, because you’re being super over-protective. And I can’t keep cleaning, because my wrist really really hurts. Though I will be cleaning that bathroom every day for the foreseeable future because apparently morning sickness never goes away, and frankly, I don’t even know why they call it that because I’m sick all day, but that’s a whole other thing.” 

Felicity’s tears began to subside as she rambled. “I don’t know what else to do, I don’t know how to make myself remember and I don’t know what happens if I never remember.” 

She took a deep breath, her arms tightening around Oliver’s waist. “Oliver, what happens if I never remember?”

“If you never remember, we will figure it out. No matter what, we will make it work,” he said, kissing the top of her head.

Felicity nodded, then rested her head on his chest and allowed herself to relax in Oliver’s arms. He began to rub her back lightly with one hand and for a few minutes they remained that way, taking comfort in each others’ arms. Felicity knew in that moment that she’d made a mistake pushing Oliver away; she might not feel like his wife, but they had always been partners. They would deal with this just like they’d dealt with everything else- together. 

***

A few days later, Oliver brought an unexpected guest home for dinner. Tim Cavazzini had worked in the IT department at Queen Consolidated for the better part of the last decade, and had actually been the one to train Felicity when she’d started there, years prior. When Felicity saw him in the doorway, she couldn’t contain the smile that came over her face.

“Tim!” she exclaimed. “What are you doing here? I feel like it’s been a lifetime since I’ve seen you. Which, I guess in my case is oddly true.”

Tim smiled. “Yeah, Mr. Queen told me about your accident. I’m sorry to hear about your memory loss.”

“Tim, I mean it, call me Oliver. Especially when we’re not at the office.” Oliver moved to stand next to Felicity, kissing her temple as he greeted her. “I hope you don’t mind that I brought someone home with me for dinner.”

“As long as Tim doesn’t mind that dinner is just pasta and salad,” Felicity said, smiling.

“I’m easy to please, you should remember that at least,” Tim responded.

“Well the food’s almost done, so why don’t you have a seat in the dining room and I’ll just finish up in the kitchen,” Felicity said, gesturing in the direction of the dining room. 

Oliver followed Felicity into the kitchen, where she began to take down an extra place setting for their guest. Oliver grabbed a couple of beers and a bottle of water out of the fridge and then emptied the pasta into a serving dish, while Felicity put the finishing touches on the salad.

“So, I have to ask- what prompted the surprise dinner guest?” Felicity asked.

“Well,” Oliver replied. “Tim came up to the office today to help me out with something and he asked about you. We got to talking and then I thought; who better to help you catch up on technology than your tech mentor?”

“You brought him here to be my tech tutor?” Felicity asked, surprised.

“Yeah.”

“That is really the most thoughtful thing,” Felicity’s eyes began to fill with tears. 

“I thought that Tim would be a good choice because you always tell me that he’s the best, and I knew that you’d remember him from before the accident,” Oliver explained. “When I asked him, he didn’t even hesitate to agree to do it. He’s a good guy.”

“This is really sweet Oliver,” Felicity said. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Oh, hormones,” Felicity grumbled, wiping the tears from her eyes. 

Oliver put a hand on her shoulder, giving her a comforting smile.

“C’mon, let’s go eat,” Felicity said.

They sat together at the table to eat. It was the first time that they’d had anyone over to the house for dinner since the accident and Felicity felt strangely nervous about playing hostess. She was also infinitely thankful that she’d chosen to wear jeans instead of yoga pants that day, since she’d been out for a walk.

“Tim, Lily must be getting big,” Felicity commented. “How old is she now?”

“She’s six, actually. She’ll go to first grade in the fall,” Tim said, smiling.

“Wow, I can’t believe it. She was so little.”

“Yeah, I can hardly believe it either,” Tim admitted. “We’ve actually had another one, as well. Adriana just turned two.”

“Another girl? That’s great. Maggie must be thrilled.”

“Thrilled, and exhausted. We both are. They are precious, but they are also a handful,” Tim pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Here take a look.”

He pulled up a photo of the two girls on his phone and handed it to Felicity, so that she and Oliver could look at it.

“What about you guys? Do you know if it’s a boy or girl yet?” Tim asked.

Felicity looked over at Oliver, confused, and found that he had a similar expression.

“Did I tell you that I was pregnant?” Felicity asked, handing Tim back the phone.

“No,” Tim admitted. “But I’ve got two kids, so I recognized the signs. I know you don’t remember, but we work pretty closely together. Wasn’t hard to guess.”

“We don’t know the gender. We actually haven’t started to tell people yet,” Oliver said cautiously.

“Oh, I’m not going to tell anyone at the office. It’s none of my business, and frankly I don’t really like to talk to people.”

“That much I remember,” Felicity said, smiling.

“I’m really happy for you guys,” Tim said. “I know things are a little rough now, but I’m sure it will all work out. And when that little person comes into your life, everything will change. In a good way, I mean.”

“I hope so,” Felicity replied.

After dinner, Tim and Felicity spent a couple of hours in the office, where he walked her through her systems and helped her to solve some of the system errors she’d been encountering. It was a start, at least, and they made plans to meet up again to continue the tutoring. Tim also left her with a list of resources to help her keep at it, including some up to date hacking resources, which Felicity was grateful for. Although she couldn’t tell Tim why she needed them (and he didn’t ask), she really wanted to get back to helping Oliver as the Arrow. She needed to feel useful again and nothing made her feel more useful than helping to keep Starling City safe.

Felicity was waving to Tim from the front porch, when Oliver came down to say goodnight before he went to bed.

“How did it go?” he asked.

“Pretty good,” Felicity replied. “He helped me fix that error message.”

“Good,” Oliver said, nodding.

Felicity only hesitated for a moment before stepping forward and wrapping her arms around Oliver’s waist, resting her head on his chest. He seemed slightly surprised but tightened his arms around her.

“Thank you,” she said, honestly. “I think I really needed that.”

“I’m glad,” he told her. “I just wish I could do more to help.”

“I know. Me too.”

Oliver kissed the top of her head as he ended the hug. “C’mon, let’s go to bed.”


	7. Chapter 7

Dr. Callahan’s office was different than Felicity had expected. She had anticipated a clinical setting with uncomfortable chairs and stark white walls. Instead, the room was warm and inviting with blue-grey walls and worn leather couches. It felt more like a living room than a doctor’s office. 

Felicity was admiring one of the paintings on the wall when the office door opened and an older woman stepped in. 

“Hello, I’m Dr. Callahan,” the older woman reached out to shake Felicity’s hand.

“Hi,” Felicity responded. “Felicity Smoak, I mean not Smoak. Felicity Queen.”

“It’s nice to meet you Felicity. Please have a seat.”

“You’re English,” Felicity began as she sat down on the worn leather couch. “I didn’t know that. Not that it matters or anything. I had a boss who was English. He was also Oliver’s stepfather; does that make him my stepfather in law? Or I guess ex-stepfather in law. Which I guess is really nothing,” Felicity closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Sorry, I babble when I’m nervous, actually I babble when I’m not nervous too. I’m a babbler.”

“It’s okay Felicity. You can relax.” Dr. Callahan smiled. “And yes, I am from Brighton, in England.”

“That’s good, I mean, I think that’s good,” Felicity clasped her hands tightly together, trying to calm her nerves. “Did you like living in England?”

“I did. However I am also quite fond of Starling City,” Dr. Callahan opened the leather portfolio she held on her lap. “Now, Felicity, you were referred by Dr. Bernhard after you had a fall?”

Felicity nodded.

“And I understand that as a result of this fall, you are experiencing post-traumatic amnesia, which is to say that you’re having trouble recollecting the last few years?”

“Yes,” Felicity explained. “I don’t really remember anything from the last four years. I thought we were still in 2014. Actually, I’m still not completely convinced that this isn’t all just a crazy dream.”

“I think that’s perfectly understandable. Our memories are what ground us to reality, what allow us to track the passage of time. Without those memories, things must feel very surreal. I imagine that a lot has changed in your life in the past few years.”

“You could say that,” Felicity scoffed. “I got married, got pregnant, bought a house and changed my job. Apparently I have missed out on all the big moments in my life. It’s a lot to deal with.”

“And are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Are you dealing with all that has happened to you?”

Felicity thought for a moment, rubbing her hand along her neck and shoulder. “I don’t know. I’m trying to. It’s not easy though.”

“I wouldn’t have believed you if you said that it was,” Dr. Callahan gave a sympathetic smile. “You’ve had a lot to process in only a couple of weeks.”

Felicity nodded, still rubbing her neck.

“Felicity, I’d like to try to help, if you’ll let me. In my experience it’s important for individuals who’ve been through a trauma, such as you have, to talk about what they’re experiencing. To talk about how they’re coping with the changes and more importantly, how they are feeling. This is not an easy thing that you’re going through, and I’m not going to lie to you, it will probably get worse before it gets better.” Dr. Callahan paused. “It will get better though. I can promise you that.”

“Thank you,” Felicity responded quietly.

“Okay, then, let’s begin,” Dr. Callahan said, picking up her pen. “What do you remember from before the accident? What was your life like four years ago?”

Felicity told Dr. Callahan about working at Queen Consolidated, first in the IT department, then as Oliver’s assistant. She talked about weekends spent hanging out with Oliver, Sara, and Diggle, leaving out their less than legal activities. She even reminisced about her old townhouse which, despite her love for her dream house, part of her still missed.

“You were happy?” Dr. Callahan asked.

“Yeah,” Felicity shrugged. “I mean things weren’t always great, but I was happy with my life.”

“And now?”

“Now, I don’t know. Things are so different. I don’t feel like I fit into this life.” Felicity’s eyes filled with tears. “I used to feel useful, but now, I’m not. I can’t do my job because I don’t understand all the new technology, and I _loved_ my job. I really loved my job. And everyone is looking at me like they’re just waiting for me to get my memories back, so that I can be that Felicity again. And it’s been almost two weeks and all I’ve remembered is one stupid thing, and I’m starting to worry that it’s all that I’ll ever remember. And Oliver. Oh god, Oliver. The way that he looks at me just kills me. I don’t know how to be what he needs anymore. To be honest, sometimes it’s just really hard to be around him, because I feel like I’m letting him down.”

The tears began to fall freely down Felicity’s cheeks. “And he’s trying so hard. I _know_ he’s trying so hard to be there for me, to be patient, to give me space. He wants to help me so badly, and I just don’t know how to let him. I can’t be his wife, and I don’t even really know how to be his friend like this anymore.”

“Is that what you want to be- his friend?”

Felicity reached for a tissue, dabbing at her eyes. “Honestly, I don’t know.”

“What can you tell me about your relationship with Oliver?” Dr. Callahan asked. “You’ve said that you were friends from the time that you remember, and now you’re married. There must be a strong connection between you.”

Felicity nodded. “There is.”

“Did you have romantic feelings for him before?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?” Felicity said, honestly. “I really tried not to think about it. We worked together, which would have made a romantic relationship complicated, so that was off the table in a way. We were friends, and colleagues, and that’s all we really could be.”

“Yet, you and he did enter into a romantic relationship. So something must have changed.”

“If it did, I don’t know what it was,” Felicity admitted. 

“Maybe you should ask him.” Dr. Callahan leaned forward. “In order to move forward, you need to face the past. At some point you and Oliver chose to enter into a romantic relationship. You were married, you became pregnant. Regardless of whether or not you get your memory back, you still have a choice in this. At some point you will have to choose whether or not this is the life that you want, and in order to make an informed decision, you need to talk to Oliver, to find out how you got to where you are. It doesn’t mean that you have to make the same choices that you made before.”

Felicity nodded.

“I know this is a lot to take in,” Dr. Callahan said. “I don’t want to overwhelm you, so I think we should end a little early today.”

“Thank you,” Felicity said. “And you’re right, I need to start figuring things out, I can’t keep waiting for my memory to come back.”

“Can I give you some homework?” Dr. Callahan asked.

“Sure.”

“Spend some time with Oliver, go out on a date,” she suggested. “You knew him as a friend; get to know him as a partner, as a spouse.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that,” Felicity admitted.

“I believe you are more ready than you think,” Dr. Callahan smiled. “You don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not. Just be yourself, and be honest with him, and see where it goes.”

“I can do that.”

“Good,” Dr. Callahan stood up. “And don’t forget to come back and tell me all about it next week.”

Felicity smiled as she stood. “I will.”

***

Diggle was waiting for her outside of the office after her session and the two of them headed for lunch at Big Belly Burger.

“I have to admit, Dig. I didn’t expect you to be the only one waiting for me when I got out of my session,” Felicity said as they sat down.

“He’s trying to give you your space,” Diggle replied.

“He really has been so good about all of this. I know it can’t be easy for him,” she looked up at Diggle, frowning. “You see him every day. How is he doing?” 

“He’s Oliver, he’s fine.”

“How is he _really_ doing?”

“He walks around a lot like a guy who can’t find his car keys.”

Felicity sighed. “It’s just weird now, being around him. He looks at me differently, like he’s expecting me to be her.”

“You are her, Felicity.”

Felicity shook her head. “I’m not her, not really. I mean, I’m not the her that he loves.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I don’t know,” Felicity said, flustered. She picked up the plastic menu and fiddled with the edges. “I guess I just don’t understand how I went from Felicity the sidekick to Felicity Queen. I don’t know what changed for him to see me differently. How I became this person that I’m supposed to be now, running my own IT team, being a sister and a wife and a mom. Suddenly I have all of these roles and responsibilities and I kind of feel like a kid playing dress up. Except it’s my actual life.”

They were interrupted briefly when the waitress came to take their order, and Felicity took a moment to take deep breaths and try to compose herself. She was still feeling emotionally overwhelmed from her session with Dr. Callahan.

“Can I admit something to you John?” Felicity asked.

“Of course.”

“I’m scared.” Felicity nervously tucked her hair behind her ears. “I don’t know if I can do this. If I don’t get my memories back, I don’t know if I’m ready to be Mrs. Queen. I’m definitely not ready to be a mom. Before this I could barely keep a plant alive, so how am I supposed to take care of a baby, especially in this city where horrible things happen all the time. I heard on the news the other day that babies are going missing from the hospital. I am definitely not ready for this.”

“Look, Felicity, I get it,” Diggle said, patting her arm sympathetically. “A lot has changed in the last four years, but you are still you. You might feel out of place right now, but you will figure it out. You always do.”

“Thanks Dig,” Felicity took his hand and squeezed it, smiling.

“Anytime.”

“So, new topic,” Felicity declared, taking a deep breath. “I have been informed that you and Lyla are still going strong, but I don’t see a ring on your finger, so what’s that all about?”

“We have an understanding,” Diggle told her.

“Oh, is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

Diggle chuckled. “Lyla and I both have jobs and responsibilities that can make things challenging. We have a place together, but we’ve been married and divorced once already and neither of us wants to put that pressure on our relationship again. Not yet anyway.”

“You’re happy though?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

*** 

That night, as they were eating dinner, Oliver asked Felicity how her session with Dr. Callahan had gone.

“It was good,” Felicity told him. “She was really nice, and I think it was helpful to talk about everything that’s happening with someone who isn’t actually directly involved. Not that I can’t talk to you and Dig and Thea and everyone, it’s just different.”

“I can understand that,” Oliver said. “I am glad that it was helpful. Are you going to go back?”

“Yeah. I think I’ll try to see her weekly for now,” Felicity pushed her food around her plate nervously. “Actually she gave me some homework.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. She thought it would be a good idea for us to go out, you know, like on a date,” Felicity said, biting her lip nervously.

Oliver looked up from his plate, meeting her eyes. “You want to go on a date?”

“Yes, I mean, well, it’s homework for therapy,” Felicity rambled. “Not that I don’t want to go on a date with you, I mean, I do, sort of. I mean yes. I would like to go on a date. If you want to.”

Oliver smiled. “How does Saturday night sound? We could go to dinner.”

“That would be good,” Felicity managed a small smile, feeling simultaneously excited and nervous. She was going on a date, with Oliver. There was no turning back now.


	8. Chapter 8

As Saturday drew nearer, Felicity became increasingly nervous. Despite being fairly certain about Oliver’s feelings towards her, she was still struggling with her own feelings towards him and going on an actual date felt like a huge step in their relationship. Logically she knew that they’d done this successfully many times before, but she couldn’t remember any of that so it didn’t count. 

It was all happening differently than she’d imagined it previously. Because of course she’d imagined what it would be like to go on a date with Oliver. He was Oliver; handsome, strong, hero of Starling City Oliver, who was one of her closest friends. She’d have to have been a robot to have not developed any kind of feelings for him. 

She’d fantasized about him asking her out one night while they were working in the Foundry, with no provocation, no evident reason. She’d imagined that she would wear a great dress and they would go out to a nice restaurant and drink expensive red wine and forget about all of the drama in their lives. And maybe that was the way that it had gone down the first time, but Felicity couldn’t remember and she wasn’t ready to ask.

Indeed, their circumstances were very different. Felicity felt like she was jumping into the middle of their story, instead of getting to start at the beginning. Although it felt like a first date to Felicity, she knew for Oliver it wasn’t, and that only made her more nervous. It felt like her whole future was riding on this one night, and no matter how much she tried to push that feeling away, knowing she was overreacting, she just couldn’t.

By Saturday morning, Felicity was a complete wreck. She’d spent an hour trying on every dress in her closet, but nothing fit right. She may not have been that far along in her pregnancy, but she was showing just enough that her closet full of fitted dresses were no longer wearable. Sitting on the floor of the closet, on a bed of brightly coloured clothes, Felicity realized that it was time to call for backup.

***

Felicity arrived at Verdant to pick up Thea. It was the first time she’d come to the club since the accident, and she was relieved to see that it looked much the same as she remembered. Thea came out from the back and greeted Felicity.

“Thanks for making time for me,” Felicity said. “I know it was short notice.”

“It’s no problem. Shopping emergencies are what I live for,” Thea replied. “What’s the occasion?” 

“Oliver and I are going out on a date.”

“Ooh, a second first date. That’s exciting,” Thea smiled. “I can see why you would want a new outfit for that.”

“Well, that and the fact that none of my dresses will zip up anymore.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Felicity realized that she’d revealed too much.

“Oh my God, are you pregnant?” Thea asked, eyes wide.

“Umm,” Felicity panicked, not sure how to respond.

“Oh my God, you are! You are totally pregnant!” Thea exclaimed, practically squealing. “I knew it! Well, I didn’t know it, but I knew it.”

Thea pulled Felicity into a tight hug, rocking back and forth. “This is so exciting!”

“Okay Thea,” Felicity said, feeling overwhelmed. “Let a girl breathe.”

Thea practically jumped back. “Oh no, did I squish him? Or her?” 

She gently rubbed Felicity’s stomach. “I’m sorry baby.”

“I think I’m the only one who got squished,” Felicity told her, rolling her eyes.

“Well then, I’m sorry mommy,” Thea teased.

That word struck a chord with Felicity, bringing up emotions she wasn’t ready to deal with. “Okay, let’s not go there yet.”

“Sorry,” Thea said sincerely, “I’m just excited. I’m going to be an aunt! Yay!”

“Yes, you are,” Felicity said. “But here’s the thing. I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t supposed to tell you. I think Oliver and I were supposed to tell you together, but then things got…”

“Complicated?” Thea offered.

“Exactly. So, if you could not tell Oliver that I told you,” Felicity said sheepishly.

“Your secret is safe with me,” Thea promised, pretending to seal her lips. “Now let’s go find you a dress to make you look like a hot mama.”

***

That night Felicity practiced her deep breathing in an effort to stay calm as she headed down the stairs towards Oliver, who was waiting by the front door. The dress that Thea had helped her to pick out was a deep midnight blue sleeveless chiffon dress, with an empire waist, which hid the small swell of her stomach. It had a full skirt, which ended just above her knees. She’d left her hair down, and it curled softly over her shoulders, however she found herself nervously twirling a strand as she became aware of Oliver’s eyes on her.

“You look beautiful,” he told her, his eyes running over her.

“I don’t know, I feel like it’s too low cut or something; then again, my boobs are huge right now, I guess that’s one of the perks of being pregnant,” she rambled nervously, fidgeting with the neckline of her dress.

“Felicity,” he said, laying a hand on her shoulder, causing her to look up and meet his eyes. “You look incredible.”

“Thank you,” she replied. “You look pretty good too.”

Oliver was wearing a charcoal grey suit with a white dress shirt. He’d forgone the tie and left the top buttons undone.

“Shall we?” he said, offering his arm.

She took it, trying to tamp down her nervousness, and allowed him to lead her out to the car.

“So, where are we going?” she asked as he opened the car door for her. 

“Cinara,” Oliver responded.

“I’ve never heard of it,” Felicity said, getting into the car. “Which I guess isn’t all that surprising. Is it any good?”

“I hope so,” Oliver replied. “I’ve never been there before.”

He closed her door, walking around the car and getting in on the driver’s side. “I thought it might be a good idea to go somewhere that we have never been before. That way it could be a fresh start for both of us, a proper first date.”

Felicity couldn’t help but smile at his thoughtfulness. She wondered if her anxiety had been that obvious. He really seemed to be going out of his way to try and ensure that she was comfortable, not only for their date, but even in their day to day lives. It seemed that he’d really grown and matured in the past four years and Felicity wondered how much of that was because of their relationship. 

“Thank you,” she said sincerely, reaching out and laying her hand on his arm.

He looked over at her and smiled, before focusing his attention back on the road. “So, it seems you survived shopping with Thea.”

“It was exhausting,” Felicity admitted. “We may have to call it an early night.”

Oliver chuckled. “I can imagine. Thea takes shopping very seriously.”

“I have never tried on so many clothes in my entire life. It was like a clothing marathon.”

“I have been through several of those myself.”

“You’ve shopped with Thea? This I have to hear about.”

They spent the drive to the restaurant swapping Thea stories, and by the time they arrived, Felicity had started to relax, her nervousness fading with the ease of their conversation. 

When they arrived, Oliver opened the door for her, once again offering his arm, and they walked into the restaurant together. The maitre d’ approached them as soon as they entered.

“Mr. and Mrs. Queen,” he said, “we’re so delighted that you’ve come to join us this evening. Let me take you to your table.”

As they followed him through the restaurant Felicity whispered to Oliver, “am I ever going to get used to being called Mrs. Queen?”

Oliver chuckled quietly. “I doubt it.”

When they were seated at the table, the maitre d’ offered to bring a wine list, however Oliver declined, asking for a bottle of sparkling water instead.

“You don’t have to do that,” Felicity said. “You can have a glass of wine.”

Oliver shook his head. “We made a deal. I won’t have anything that you can’t have.”

“Speaking of deals, I kind of agreed to have brunch with your mom and Thea tomorrow. I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course,” Oliver said. “Mom has wanted to see you since the accident. I have actually been putting her off because I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

“I appreciate that,” Felicity said. “However I guess Thea didn’t feel the same way since she pretty much cornered me when your mom called today.”

“I can call and cancel if you want me to,” Oliver offered.

“No, it’s okay,” Felicity insisted. “It has to happen sometime.”

“True enough.”

“Also, we should probably tell them that I’m pregnant. I know it’s not exactly the best timing and we still have a lot to figure out, but I’m getting wider by the minute, so we should probably tell them before it becomes obvious.” 

Or before I accidentally tell more people, Felicity added silently.

“If you think you are ready to tell them, then I think that’s a good idea,” Oliver said.

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” Felicity said.

“You have nothing to worry about. You already know how much Thea loves you, and I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to be an aunt.”

“And your mother?” 

“Has become more relaxed in the past few years. After we decided once and for all not to keep any more secrets, things became a lot easier.”

“Does that mean she knows about, well, you know?” Felicity asked.

“She does.”

“Wow.”

The waiter approached their table with two glasses and a bottle of sparkling water. He poured them each a glass and asked if they were ready to order. Oliver asked for another few minutes, and they both picked up their menus.

“Okay, I think I have to deviate from the typical first date girl pretends not to have an appetite and orders the sensible salad thing because I am absolutely craving a huge steak and a baked potato,” Felicity said as she looked over the menu. 

“I never liked when women would just order a salad,” Oliver said, smiling. “What’s the point of going to a nice restaurant if you aren’t going to enjoy the food?”

“That’s a good point.”

“In fact, I think that I will also have a steak.”

Conversation came easily as they ate; they talked about what was happening at Queen Consolidated and shared stories from their pasts. If Oliver had heard any of Felicity’s stories before, and she was sure he must have, he didn’t let on. Felicity found that she was happier and more relaxed than she’d been since the accident. It was nice to just be with Oliver, to spend time with him, and to enjoy his company. 

Still, there was something that had been nagging at her all week, and although she didn’t want to break the spell that they seemed to be under, she knew she would regret it if she didn’t bring it up.

“Oliver, can I ask you something?” she said, hesitantly.

“Of course,” he replied.

“Why haven’t you been _out_ in the evenings?” 

Oliver didn’t respond right away.

“I only ask because I’m concerned it’s because of me, and I want you to know that I’m okay if you go _out_. You can’t leave Diggle and Roy to handle it all on their own,” she continued.

“I’ve been out,” he protested.

“Twice,” she said. “In two weeks.”

Oliver sighed. “I don’t want to leave you on your own.”

Felicity closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. She had a feeling that was the reason. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate it, but being the Arrow was important, for Oliver and for Starling City. He couldn’t put that on hold for her.

“Maybe you don’t need to leave me on my own,” she told him. “I need to get back too. What we do is important, and it’s part of who we are. We’re a team, and we need to get back to being that team.”

“It’s too soon,” he said reaching out and taking her hand.

“The doctor told me to get back to my normal routine, right? Going to the Foundry is part of my normal routine. Plus, I’m starting to get a handle on my tech again. I might not be Felicity, super hacker, anymore, but I can handle the comms and some basic tracking at least. I promise no field work. I will stay safe in the Foundry.”

“I don’t know.”

“Trust me. We both need this,” she gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand.

Oliver seemed to consider it for a minute, and then nodded. “Okay, but not tonight.”

“Agreed.”

After dinner they went for a walk around the city. Oliver had given her his jacket, as the wrap that she’d brought no longer felt warm enough once the sun had set. As they walked, Felicity had reached out to take Oliver’s hand, feeling bold. He looked over at her seemingly slightly surprised, but his expression quickly softened and he smiled at her as he held her hand tightly. 

As they walked, Felicity began to wonder if things were actually starting to look up. Their evening together had been almost perfect, just as she’d imagined a first date with Oliver would be like. There was something about the two of them that just seemed to work. For a moment she even allowed herself to wonder if they actually could be happy together.

“I’m really glad we did this,” Oliver said, stopping as they reached the apex of the bridge. 

“Me too,” Felicity replied.

“So, does that mean I can take you out again?” he asked smiling.

“I think that could be arranged.”

Oliver reached out to stroke her cheek and she leaned into his touch. Their eyes met and Felicity felt a rush of emotion. Her heart pounded in her chest as he stepped closer and leaned in towards her. Felicity started to close her eyes in anticipation, but just before their lips touched, she found herself taking a step back.

“I’m sorry, I can’t,” she said, shaking her head.

The look of hurt that crossed his face was enough to break her heart. He looked completely crushed. Felicity closed her eyes, covering her face with her hands. Her heart was racing even faster now, and she felt like she was going to cry. She felt panicked and completely overwhelmed, and tried to focus on breathing deeply. She didn’t know what had possessed her to move away from Oliver. She wanted to kiss him, there was no doubt about that, but she just couldn’t. Something had stopped her, though she wasn’t sure what it was. 

“I’m so sorry,” she repeated. “I just, it’s too much right now. I just can’t right now. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said softly, reaching out to touch her arm.

Felicity stepped forward and allowed Oliver to pull her into a hug. A few tears fell down her cheeks and she wiped them away, taking deep breaths, trying to calm down.

“I’m sorry I ruined our night,” she said.

“You didn’t ruin anything,” he told her, kissing the top of her head. “I shouldn’t have pushed.”

“You didn’t,” Felicity insisted.

Oliver was quiet for a moment as he continued to rub her back.

“Let’s just go home,” he said finally.

Felicity nodded. 

They walked back to the car together, with Felicity keeping an arm around Oliver’s waist, while he had his arm gently wrapped across her shoulders. 

After a few minutes of walking in silence, Felicity decided to re-break the ice. “So, how ‘bout them Rockets?” she said.

It had the desired effect as Oliver began to chuckle. “You know, we actually own shares in the Rockets now.”

“Is that so?”

“Indeed.”

“Well that is very interesting. Tell me, Mr. Queen, what else have you acquired in the last four years?”

Oliver smiled and for the rest of their walk back to the car proceeded to fill her in on Queen Consolidated’s most recent acquisitions. Although Felicity had been an active participant in the conversation as they were walking, she began to drift off in the car, and was fast asleep by the time they arrived home. 

Rather than wake her, Oliver gently unbuckled her and carried her into the house and up the stairs. He lay her gently on the bed, slipping off her shoes and pulling a light blanket over her. 

For a brief moment, he let his hand rest over the slight swell of her belly. “Goodnight little one,” he whispered. 

Then he kissed the top of Felicity’s head. “Goodnight, Felicity. I love you.”


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning as Oliver was heading downstairs he heard a lot of noise coming from the master bedroom, so he knocked on the door. “Is everything alright?” he asked.

Felicity pulled on her robe and went to open the door, letting Oliver in. 

“None of my nice clothes fit me,” she sighed.

“Sorry Felicity,” he said, sympathetically, following her into the walk in closet. “You are 14 weeks pregnant, though. The baby is growing, your clothes are not supposed to fit.”

“Yes, but what am I supposed to do? We have to be at your mother’s for brunch in an hour, and the only things that fit are jeans and sweatpants, neither of which are appropriate to wear to a Queen family brunch at your mother’s house.”

Oliver looked thoughtful for a moment, but then stepped further into the closet and started to open drawers. After a few moments, he held out a black band to her.

“What is that?” Felicity asked.

“Honestly, I’m not sure. You called it a belly belt or something ridiculous like that. It goes over your pants so that you don’t have to button them. You were pretty excited when you bought it a few weeks ago.”

Felicity took the item out of Oliver’s hand, eyeing it skeptically. “Alright, I’ll try it.”

She ushered Oliver out of the bedroom so that she could get dressed. About twenty minutes later, she practically skipped into the kitchen.

“This thing is genius,” she said, smiling. “It’s really comfy and you can’t even tell that my pants aren’t done up. Why didn’t you tell me about this before? I’ve practically been living in the one pair of jeans that fit me.”

Oliver shrugged. “I didn’t think of it.”

“Okay, I’ll forgive you,” she said. “But only if you promise to protect me from your mother today.”

“You don’t need protection. She loves you.”

“That’s not how I remember it,” Felicity said, feeling anxious again.

***

When they arrived at the Queen mansion, they were greeted warmly by Moira. She looked much the same as Felicity remembered her, but there was also something that seemed distinctly different about her. She seemed more relaxed, as though a heavy weight have been lifted off of her. Although she was elegant and poised as always, even the clothes that she wore seemed freer, as she wore a loose blouse and slacks. 

“Felicity, dear, it’s so good to see you,” Moira said, taking her hands and smiling at her warmly. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” Felicity replied, unsure how to respond to Moira’s warm welcome.

“Hi Mom,” Oliver said, stepping forward and kissing his mother on the cheek.

“Hello dear,” Moira responded. “I’m glad you could make it.”

Thea came down the stairs a moment later, Roy following a few steps behind her. She approached Felicity first, throwing her arms around her for a hug.

“Hey sister sister,” she said smiling. “How did your date go last night?”

“It was good,” Felicity told her. She didn’t add that it was only good until she ruined it by having a complete meltdown.

“I’ll bet Ollie flipped when he saw you in that dress,” Thea turned to Oliver. “She looked amazing, right?”

“She looked beautiful,” he said smiling at Felicity. 

He turned to Thea, “and hello to you too Speedy.”

“Hi Ollie,” Thea said, hugging her brother.

Felicity noticed Roy hanging back from the group. She smiled at him and waved, “Hi Roy.”

“Hey,” he replied.

“So, I want to hear all about the date,” Thea said eagerly.

Moira suggested that they take their conversation out of the front hallway and into the dining room, which the group abided. They settled into their seats at the table with Felicity and Oliver on one side, Roy and Thea on the other and Moira at the head of the table. They talked for a few minutes, and then the food was brought out.

“Well, I would like to raise a glass,” Moira began, lifting a champagne flute filled with orange juice. “I am very thankful to have my children with me today, and by that I, of course, mean all of you. And today I am particularly thankful that Felicity is here with us, and that she is healthy, if a bit forgetful.” Moira smiled.

“To family,” Thea said.

“To family,” Moira echoed.

As everyone lowered their glasses, Oliver cleared his throat. “Before we eat, Felicity and I have something to tell you.”

“Really- now?” Felicity whispered.

“Might as well get it out of the way,” he whispered back.

He turned back to the table. “Felicity and I are going to have a baby.”

Although she knew already, Thea still couldn’t contain the grin that spread across her face. “This is so exciting!”

Even Roy, who was normally quite stoic, smiled. “Congrats guys.”

Moira seemed to take longer to respond, as though she was processing the information and crafting her response carefully. However, after a moment, she too smiled. “Well, that is wonderful news.”

“So, when do I get to meet my little niece or nephew?” Thea asked. Felicity knew that she was eager to know all the details, having put her off the day before, wanting to wait until she and Oliver could tell her properly.

“Um, I’m 14 weeks along,” Felicity began, struggling as she realized she didn’t actually know the answer. Her obstetric appointment that week couldn’t come soon enough.

“The beginning of November,” Oliver said, jumping in. “We would have told you sooner, but we wanted to wait until after the first trimester, and then things became complicated.”

“We’re figuring it out though, right?” Felicity said, looking at Oliver.

He smiled and took her hand, squeezing it softly. “Yes, we are.”

***

After they’d spent most of the day at the Queen Mansion with Oliver’s family, Felicity convinced Oliver that they should go to the Foundry. He was hesitant at first, but Felicity presented a strong argument. She reminded him that he’d already agreed to let her come back to the Foundry at dinner the night before, adding that since it was a Sunday night, it would probably be a quiet night anyway.

“Besides,” she told him. “I just survived brunch and an afternoon with your mother. I think I’ve earned this.”

“It wasn’t that bad, was it?” Oliver asked.

“No, it wasn’t bad. Just a little awkward,” Felicity admitted. 

Felicity’s conversations with Thea and Roy had flowed easily, her familiarity with them an asset; with Moira, it was an entirely different story. The Queen matriarch never seemed to say anything without carefully considering her words, which led to the occasional long pause. Felicity, in her nervousness, sought to fill every silence, leading her to ramble even more than usual. She couldn’t imagine how she’d managed at holidays and family events over the last three years. Still, Moira seemed to have taken it all in stride and had even hugged Felicity as they said their goodbyes, inviting her to lunch when she felt up for it. Felicity wasn’t sure she was ready to go one on one with Moira Queen, but appreciated the sentiment none the less. 

A short while later they arrived at the Foundry and Oliver opened the back door for Felicity, allowing her to walk in first. As she walked down the familiar metal steps she felt oddly comforted. This was a place that she knew she belonged. The Foundry hadn’t changed much; the layout was generally the same. Felicity noticed some new equipment in the training area and an updated computer system, much like the one she had at the house. The most striking change was the second glass case containing a red hooded jacket, similar in style to Oliver’s. Roy had seemed a little different at brunch, more mature and self-assured, and Felicity wondered if this was the reason.

Felicity took a few minutes to walk around and take it all in before settling down in her chair in front of her computers. She pulled out an envelope from her purse which contained her passwords and system information and started to re-familiarize herself with the Foundry’s current system. 

As Felicity worked, Oliver got changed and proceeded to train, using the salmon ladder and the wooden sparring dummy. When Diggle arrived a while later, he joined Oliver on the mats and they sparred. Sitting in her chair in the Foundry, working on her computer with the sound of Diggle and Oliver sparring in the background had Felicity feeling more relaxed and more at peace than she’d been since the accident. Finally things felt normal.

An alert popped up on her monitor of a robbery only a few blocks from them. She called Oliver over to tell him.

“I’m sure the police can handle that,” he said.

“They don’t have anyone stationed in this area. These guys will probably be long gone before the police show up. We are much closer,” Felicity insisted.

“I don’t know,” Oliver rubbed a hand across his face.

“Are we no longer trying to stop criminals in 2018?” Felicity asked.

Oliver sighed in response.

“Go.”

Oliver opened his mouth as if to say something, but seemed to think better of it and went to change into his Arrow gear. Felicity gave Diggle a questioning look and he simply shrugged.

When Oliver came back to her desk, dressed in his green hood and leathers, Felicity found herself staring. It felt like a lifetime since she’d seen him gear up and become the Arrow. For the last couple of weeks, she felt like she’d been living with this alternative version of Oliver, the devoted husband version who worried about her and took care of her. Now, seeing him in the hood again served as a reminder that he was still the Oliver she remembered as well.

“Be careful,” she said as he turned to leave.

“Always,” he told her, looking back over his shoulder.

*** 

A few hours later, Felicity turned in surprise when she heard Oliver coming down the stairs loudly. He was usually so quiet, but he seemed to have returned angrier than when he’d left. She knew he had caught the thieves he’d gone after and turned them over to the police, so she wondered what had put him in such a foul mood.

“Guns?” Diggle asked, seemingly unsurprised at Oliver’s demeanor.

“Yeah,” Oliver said tightly.

“Get a name?”

Oliver shook his head. “Nothing new.”

“We’ll find him.”

“Yes, we will,” Oliver practically growled as he headed to clean up.

Felicity looked at Oliver’s retreating form, then back at Diggle, brow furrowed.

“What was that about?” she asked.

“Oliver didn’t tell you?” Diggle asked.

“Oliver has been very tight lipped about all things Arrow.” Felicity stood up and walked over to Diggle. 

“For the last few months there’s been an influx of black market goods coming into Starling City; military grade weapons mostly, but other goods as well. We think the mastermind behind the whole operation is some guy who calls himself Father Faust. He’s been linked to similar cases in Coast City and Central City.”

“Who is this guy?” Felicity asked, crossing her arms.

“We don’t know. We haven’t been able to get much information on him. We have the names of a few of his associates, and we’ve been trying to track them down to get more information on him but we haven’t had much luck.”

“That explains all of the searches that are running.”

“This guy might not be the reason behind all the crime in the city right now, but he’s supporting it one way or another. We need to take him down.”

“And we will,” Oliver said, walking back towards them, re-dressed in his street clothes.

Felicity stood up and took a step towards Oliver. “Why didn’t you tell me about this before? We should have been back here sooner. I could have helped.”

“Roy and Diggle have been keeping an eye on the searches that you set up and I have followed up on a few leads,” Oliver told her.

“You should have told me.”

Oliver closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. “Felicity, you are still recovering. I just wanted to keep you away from all of this for a while longer.”

“We’re supposed to be partners,” Felicity began, but as she spoke, something dawned on her. “Wait, we were following a lead when I had my accident, weren’t we?”

A look of hope crossed Oliver’s face. “Did you remember something?”

“No,” Felicity admitted. “But I know you, and we haven’t talked about the accident at all, so it just makes sense. What happened that night?”

Oliver took a deep breath. “We were on our way back from dinner. You received an alert on your phone that the facial recognition software had found a match. One of the men we had been tracking was headed towards a warehouse in the Glades. I had my gear in the trunk and we weren’t far off, so we decided to head over there.” 

He ran a hand through his hair, scratching at the back of his head. “You were supposed to stay in the car,” he told her.

“I take it I didn’t stay in the car?” Felicity asked.

There was an extended moment of silence before Diggle jumped in. “You were keeping tabs from the car but somehow you figured out that the place was rigged to blow. I guess something was messing with the comms, so you headed towards us. We have line of site comms set up for situations like this.”

“Makes sense,” Felicity responded. 

She tried to focus on Diggle, but she could see how agitated Oliver was out of the corner of her eye. He was doing the hand thing he did when he was struggling to keep it together, rubbing his fingers together. This was exactly the reason she’d never brought up the accident before, they had enough to deal with that she hadn’t wanted to bring up any more potentially upsetting issues.

“You were able to warn us just in time, and we hadn’t quite caught up to you when the blast wave hit and you lost your balance and fell,” Diggle explained.

“We should not have gone into the warehouse without more intel,” Oliver added, rubbing the side of his neck.

“We couldn’t have known it was rigged to blow,” Diggle said, looking at Oliver.

“Maybe we could have if we had looked into it first.”

“It doesn’t sound like there was time,” Felicity added softly, stepping closer to Oliver.

“We should have made time,” he said, roughly, clenching his fists.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Felicity reached out and laid a hand on his arm. “I’m okay, the baby is okay. We’re both still here.”

As she said the words, she wondered if what she was saying was even true. Was she still there? She wasn’t the same person he remembered. Did Oliver think she was gone, that he’d lost her that night?

Oliver nodded, but kept his eyes fixed on the floor, not looking at her as she spoke. 

Impulsively Felicity stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him. “You didn’t lose me,” she whispered. “I’m still here.”

A moment later, she felt his arms tighten around her waist, as his face nuzzled into her neck.

“Let’s go home.”

***

Later that night Felicity was headed towards the stairs to get a glass of water from the kitchen when she heard sounds coming from Oliver’s room. She peered in and saw him thrashing on the bed in the throes of what she could only assume was a nightmare.

“Oliver?” she called softly, approaching the bed.

She reached out a hand towards him but before she’d even touched him he gasped and sat straight up in bed, his eyes wide and searching. After a moment, his breathing slowed as he seemed to come back to awareness. 

“Felicity,” he breathed, looking over at her, “is everything okay?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

Oliver shook his head, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “It was just a bad dream.”

“Do you have those a lot?” Felicity asked, sitting on the edge of the bed beside him.

“I used to,” he admitted. “Not as much anymore.”

Felicity gently laid her hand on his arm, stroking it gently.

“I didn’t wake you, did I?” he asked, concerned.

“No, I was already up.”

Oliver raised an eyebrow, asking a silent question.

“Weird dreams,” Felicity said, shaking her head.

“What about?”

Felicity looked down at her lap, a little embarrassed. “I dreamt that the baby was a kangaroo and I had to carry him around in my pouch.”

Oliver chuckled.

“It’s not funny,” Felicity insisted. “Kangaroos freak me out.”

“I know,” he said, putting an arm around her reassuringly. “Still kind of funny though.”

Felicity frowned. “Sure, laugh at the crazy pregnant lady with the kangaroo baby.”

“You are not crazy and I promise that our baby is not a kangaroo.”

“How do you know?” Felicity asked, leaning into his chest.

“I know,” he told her, pulling his arm tighter around her. “And I think that maybe there was just too much excitement today.”

“Oh, don’t you even start with that,” Felicity admonished.

“I meant for both of us.”

Felicity closed her eyes for a moment, allowing herself to take comfort in Oliver’s embrace. It had been a big day for them, seeing his family and going back to the foundry, talking about the accident. They hadn’t even dealt with their disastrous date night the night before, when Felicity had panicked when Oliver had tried to kiss her. Felicity was tired of riding the emotional rollercoaster she’d been on for the past two weeks and she was ready to get off.

“Are we okay?” Felicity asked in a quiet voice. “After last night I mean.”

“Of course.”

“I just need a little more time,” she said, trying to figure out how to put what she was feeling into words. “It wouldn’t have been just a kiss because for us, right now, it’s so much more than that. We’re not just Felicity and Oliver anymore, I’m your _wife_ , and we’re having a baby, or maybe a kangaroo, and a kiss isn’t just a kiss anymore.”

“I understand,” he said, softly.

“Thank you,” she rested her head on his shoulder for a moment, yawning.

“We should get you back to bed,” he said.

Oliver moved his arm down around her waist, and stood up, pulling her with him. He walked her back to her room and tucked her into bed.

“I’m glad it’s you,” she whispered.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“If I have to go through all of this, losing my memory and having a baby, I’m glad that I am doing it with you.” 

Oliver ran his hand gently along the side of her face. “Goodnight Felicity.”

“Goodnight.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Tell me about your week Felicity,” Dr. Callahan prompted.

“I don’t even know where to start,” Felicity said, leaning back on the couch, running her hand absently along her jawline. 

“Just start with whatever you’re comfortable sharing.”

“Okay, well, I went back to work this week.”

“And how was that?”  
“It’s only been a couple of days, but I think it’s going well. I’m sure that I’ll be playing catch up for a while but at least now I feel like I’m actually _doing_ something and not just sitting at home watching my stomach grow.”

“Going back to work has made you feel useful.”

Felicity thought about how it had felt to get back into her chair in the Foundry again. No new leads had come in with regards to Father Faust and the black market weapons, but monitoring the police scanner and supporting Oliver on comms as he patrolled was really helping Felicity to feel like herself again. Things at Queen Consolidated were a little more complicated.

“I’m getting there,” Felicity told her. “It’s a new job, or it seems that way at least, and I’m still getting used to all of the systems. Thankfully my friend Tim has been helping me get up to speed. Still, right now it’s a lot of reading files and catching up on emails. I like it though. I’ve been working with computers since I was a kid, so it’s really helping me to feel like myself again.”

“Last week you expressed concern that you no longer fit into your life. Has that changed at all?”

“I don’t know if I feel like I’m fitting into my life yet but I’m starting to feel like I could; even if I don’t get my memories back.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Dr. Callahan said. “Does that mean you are feeling more at ease in your relationship with Oliver?”

“Yes,” Felicity crossed her legs, leaning back on the couch. “Well, yes and no. We’ve been getting along really well for the most part and we went on a date. A great date, actually, even though I did kind of ruin it at the end.”

Felicity sighed. “I don’t know. My feelings are just so jumbled where Oliver is concerned.”

“Well,” Dr. Callahan leaned forward, smiling sympathetically. “Let’s see if we can’t try to sort them out a bit. Tell me about the date.”

Felicity relayed what had happened on her date with Oliver with as much detail as she could recall. She talked about how she’d felt; how nervous she’d been going into it and how great it had gone once she’d been able to relax.

“Did the date provide you with any insight as to why you and Oliver became a couple?” Dr. Callahan asked.

“In a way,” Felicity replied. “It helped me to get an idea of what we could be like together in that way. Even though we’re always spent a lot of time together, it’s been more work time than social time. So it was nice to just _be_ together.”

“You said earlier that you ruined it at the end. What did you mean by that?”

“Well, like I said, the date was going great. As well as I could have hoped, honestly. After dinner we went for a walk and we talked and then there was this moment. It was _the_ moment, if you know what I mean. He moved in to kiss me and,” Felicity sighed, shaking her head. “I panicked. I practically jumped away from him.”

“You didn’t want to kiss him?”

“The opposite, actually,” Felicity admitted. “I _did_ want to kiss him. I still do.”

“What stopped you then?”

Felicity shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Of course you do,” Dr. Callahan prodded. “If you wanted Oliver to kiss you, why didn’t you let him?”

“Because I’m scared,” Felicity answered, surprising herself. She’d been thinking about it for days, but she hadn’t really let herself connect with her feelings. It seemed so ridiculous.

“And what are you scared of?” Dr. Callahan prompted.

“Wanting this, wanting him?” Felicity crossed her arms protectively over her abdomen. “If I kiss him, there’s no turning back. I will fall for him and I will fall hard and I don’t know if I am ready to be a wife and a mother.”

She took another deep breath. “And I’m afraid that if I allow myself to become Felicity Queen, I will lose Felicity Smoak.”

“You are afraid that you will lose your identity, your sense of self?” Dr. Callahan clarified.

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Felicity realized. “I’m just starting to feel like myself again. Getting up to speed on all the new technology, getting back to work. I’ve felt kind of lost since the accident, but now I’m starting to feel like I’m on the right track, like I can be my own person again. And to be honest, I’ve always prided myself on being capable and self-sufficient. I’ve never wanted to rely on anyone, to _need_ anyone. My dad left, and for a while my mom was completely lost. And even when she did figure things out, she still kept looking for someone to replace him. I never wanted that. I want to be the person that others can rely on. Now that I’m getting back on my feet, I feel like I can be that person again.”

“But you don’t believe you can be that person with Oliver?”

“I don’t know,” Felicity admitted. “He’s Oliver Queen, you know? He does so much for this city. I mean, he’s the CEO of Queen Consolidated and everyone is Starling City knows who he is. I don’t want to just end up being Oliver Queen’s wife. I still want to be me.” 

It wasn’t until she’d said it out loud that Felicity realized that’s how she felt. Her life in 2014 had already been so eclipsed by Oliver, working as his Executive Assistant at Queen Consolidated and being one of the Arrow’s partners. Now in 2018, he was an even bigger presence in her life, something that she almost hadn’t thought possible, and the more she struggled to figure out who she was, the more concerned she became that she would forever stand in his shadow. 

Figuring out why she hadn’t let Oliver kiss her, why she’d been so reluctant to jump into her new life was like a weight lifted off of Felicity’s shoulders, one she hadn’t realized that she was carrying. She left Dr. Callahan’s office that day with a lot to think about.

***

The next night, Felicity and Oliver were alone in the Foundry. Lyla was in town, and since they’d had no new leads on Father Faust, Diggle had taken the night off to spend with her. It had been a quiet night, so Oliver was training while Felicity worked at her desk.

“I went down to your office this afternoon to see if you wanted to go for a walk, but they said you were out at an appointment,” Oliver mentioned as he put his training gear away. “I thought you saw Dr. Callahan yesterday.”

“I did,” Felicity responded, not looking up from her computer screen. “I had an appointment with Dr. Zavandi.”

Felicity was so focused on her computers that she barely noticed Oliver come up behind her.

“Is everything alright?” he asked.

“Yeah, she just wanted to follow up after the accident. It was pretty routine. She did an exam, took some blood, checked the baby’s heartbeat, that’s all.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have gone with you,” Oliver spoke slowly, his voice low.

“I didn’t need you to come with me,” Felicity answered.

“Felicity!” Oliver practically growled.

Felicity finally turned away from her computer screen. Oliver’s jaw was clenched and he was glaring at her.

“What?” she said, standing up to face him.

Oliver closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “It’s nothing.”

Felicity knew Oliver well enough to know that it was not nothing. The Arrow voice didn’t come out often when they were alone and this was the first time he’d used it with her since the accident.

“Just tell me,” she said, putting her hands on her waist.

Oliver balled his hands into fists and spoke slowly. “Did it ever occur to you that I would want to go to the doctor with you?”

It was Felicity’s turn to pause. She was tempted to say that it hadn’t, but the truth was, it had. She had thought about inviting him to her OB appointment, but she was still struggling with her own feelings about the baby and bringing Oliver into it only complicated matters. 

“It did,” she admitted, softly.

Oliver exhaled loudly, taking a step back. “Damn it, Felicity. You can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?” she asked.

“Shutting me out,” Oliver said loudly. He was barely holding it together. “I am trying here, but you have to remember that you are not the only one going through this.”

“Oh, I remember,” Felicity said, matching his tone. “How could I forget? You are everywhere. At home, at work, here.” 

Felicity took a step towards him. “Even when you’re not around, you’re here. I hear you walking by the office door at home when I’m working, you check in on me at work, you call or text me to make sure I take my vitamins. Hell, every time I get nauseous or heartburn or I have to pee for the millionth time, I am reminded that I am carrying around a little part of you with me everywhere I go.”

“That’s right. That is my child in there, _our_ child and I have a right to be involved.”

“It was just a stupid doctor’s appointment!” Felicity yelled. “It didn’t matter.”

“It mattered to me!” Oliver yelled back.

For a moment his statement just hung there. They’d spent weeks dancing around each other, pretending like they could just move forward and everything would just work itself out, without ever airing their issues. However, it seemed Oliver could hold it in no longer.

He took a step back, his fists clenched at his sides, his posture stiff. 

“I know that this is hard for you,” he said, his voice softer. “I swear, Felicity, I am trying to do the right thing here. I am trying to give you your space.”

Felicity sat back down in her chair. She could sense that Oliver needed to talk and she knew that she needed to hear him out.

“I know that you don’t remember, and there is nothing you or I can do about that. This is all new for you, and that must be frustrating and confusing. I can’t even imagine how you are feeling about all of this. But, Felicity, this is hard for me too. I feel like I am losing you and the tighter that I try to hold on, the more you just slip through my fingers.”

Oliver’s hands relaxed at his sides, and his shoulders slumped. “If I lost you as my wife, I could probably survive that. But to lose you and the baby,” Oliver’s voice trailed off. “I don’t know if I could survive that.”

“Oliver-“ Felicity began, but he held up a hand, so she stopped.

“We tried for a year, you know,” he told her, his voice barely more than a whisper. “I didn’t even know how much I wanted this until I thought it might not happen. When we finally got pregnant, I was so happy. We both were. You used to make fun of me because I would talk to your stomach every night. I wanted the baby to know my voice.”

Felicity’s eyes filled with tears as he spoke. His voice was filled with such raw emotion, something she rarely saw from him. Despite all of her worry and confusion about her current situation, she still cared deeply for Oliver and it pained her to see him like that. She felt guilty that she’d been holding him at arm’s length, especially when it came to the baby. She laid her hands over the swell of her stomach, one hand rubbing over the other.

“You aren’t the only one who feels lost right now, Felicity.”

Felicity opened her mouth to say something, but just couldn’t find the words.

“I need some air,” he told her. “I am going to head out for a while.”

Felicity nodded, as he went to change into his Arrow gear. She was still surprised by his outpouring of emotions. The Oliver she remembered had been much more guarded with his feelings, more closed off. She wondered if she’d assumed that present day Oliver would be the same, if that was why she hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about how this was affecting him. It wasn’t as though she’d been completely oblivious to how he had been feeling, but she’d been more worried about how it had made her feel. Felicity had been so caught up in her own fears; it hadn’t occurred to her that Oliver might be just as scared as she was. They really needed to learn to communicate better.

He left a few minutes later, without saying a word to her. She didn’t try to raise him on the comms, because she knew that he needed to work things out. She also wasn’t surprised when he returned a few hours later, a little roughed up, as though he’d gone out looking for a fight.

He walked past her and went and changed out of his Arrow gear, returning a few minutes later, shirtless, wearing only his cargo pants. He began to rummage through the drawers where they kept the medical supplies. Felicity kept working at her computer, but after a while she heard a series of frustrated grunts and looked over to see him struggling to bandage a small but nasty looking cut on the back of his left shoulder, just out of his reach.

Wordlessly she went over to him and, picking up the gauze and antiseptic, began to clean out the cut. Once clean, she tossed the bloody gauze and Oliver handed her the bandage, which she gently taped in place, running her hand soothingly across his back when she was done.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry too.”

“I should not have yelled.” Oliver turned to face her. “I know this has been hard on you. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling.”

Felicity nodded, laying a hand on his arm. “I should have told you about the doctor’s appointment. The truth is I’m struggling with this whole pregnancy thing more that I’d care to admit. I know that _your_ Felicity wanted this, but I’m not so sure.”

Felicity looked down at the floor, not wanting to meet his eyes, and worried about how he might respond to her admission.

“Hey,” Oliver said, reaching out and gently tilting her chin up so their eyes met once more. “You _are_ my Felicity. You are exactly the woman that I fell in love with, the woman that I married. Even if you never remember those years, you will always be my Felicity. Just as I am yours.”

Felicity managed a small smile. “My very own hero.”

“Among other things.” He stroked her hair. “Let’s call it a night and go home.”

Back at the house, as Felicity was getting ready for bed, she couldn’t stop thinking about their earlier fight. Oliver had been right, she had been shutting him out, holding back from embracing this “new” life.

Impulsively she went to his room, and knocked as she pushed open the door. Oliver was already in bed, lying on top of the covers reading what appeared to be departmental reports, probably for the next day’s meetings.

“Hey,” he said, looking up at her. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she crossed the room, sitting next to Oliver on the edge of the bed. “I just thought that maybe you would want to tell the baby a bedtime story.”

Oliver gathered the stack of reports and put them on the floor next to the bed, moving over to make room for Felicity. She climbed onto the bed, stretching out on her back, propped up slightly on the pillows, while Oliver lay on his side, his head next to her stomach.

He reached out his hand towards her and it hovered over her stomach as he looked over to her, seeking permission. She nodded and Oliver lay his hand reverently on the small swell of her belly.

“Hey little one,” he said softly, his lips turning upwards in a smile. “It’s dad.”

As Oliver recounted the latest adventures of the Arrow in mostly child friendly language, he began to gently stroke Felicity’s stomach. The warmth of his hand and the low rumble of his voice were so soothing that Felicity soon found that she was struggling to keep her eyes open and before long she had drifted off to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the rating change from Teen to Mature.

                That night became a turning point in their relationship. Although Felicity was still sorting out her feelings and Oliver was doing the same, both of them tried to be more conscientious of how the other was feeling. They began to fall into a comfortable routine, both at the Foundry and at home. Oliver continued to allow Felicity her space, and she made a sincere effort to reach out to him. They decided to make date night a weekly event and Felicity made sure Oliver got “tummy talk” time almost every day.

                At her next appointment, Dr. Callahan suggested that Felicity start a journal, to allow her to record any new memories (not that there were any) and to process her feelings about Oliver, the baby and her life. As time had continued to pass without Felicity recovering any new memories and with the added factor of the pregnancy, Dr. Callahan was concerned about Felicity’s mental health. So, Felicity agreed to continue to meet with Dr. Callahan weekly for the duration of the pregnancy and began to write in her journal almost every day.

                Felicity was finally starting to feel comfortable in her new life; at least until the newest fringe benefit from her pregnancy began.

                Towards the end of her fourth month, Felicity was starting to feel less nauseous overall and her appetite had increased. She was actually starting to feel like she was eating for two, an excuse which she intended to take full advantage of. However, that wasn’t the only appetite that had picked up.

                Felicity felt like her hormones had gone into complete overdrive and she became acutely aware of just how much time her very attractive, very muscular husband spent with his shirt off. Although she’d always appreciated Oliver’s body, it had become a serious distraction, one she couldn’t escape at the Foundry or at home.

                It was so distracting, in fact, that on this particular night Felicity was so engrossed in watching Oliver on the salmon ladder that she didn’t notice the alert that popped up on her computer monitor. Felicity had been lost in her thoughts, imagining running her hands across Oliver’s chest, while he kissed down her neck, when Diggle cleared his throat and she realized he was standing next to her.

                Blushing, Felicity turned back to her computer. As she focused on the screen, she noticed the alert and cursed.

                “What is it?” Diggle asked.

                Felicity brought up the information, reading it quickly.

                “I got a hit on Brian Weikart’s credit card. He’s in Starling City and he just checked in at the Plaza hotel.”

                Weikart was one of the men that they had tied to Father Faust. He was part of a syndicate in Bludhaven that ran several underground operations, including dealing black market goods and high stakes gambling. Since none of their local contacts had been able to dig up anything on Faust, they had been waiting for one of his outside contacts to arrive.

                “Can you hack into the hotel’s cameras to find out if he’s there now?” Oliver asked, suddenly appearing at Felicity’s side.

                Startled, Felicity turned to look at Oliver, and found herself distracted watching a bead of sweat roll down his neck and gather in the hollow of his throat. For a moment, all she could think about was running her tongue along the same trail, and then…

                “Felicity?”

                Oliver’s voice snapped her out of her fantasy. She shook her head, trying to clear her mind, and turned back to her computer. She forced herself to focus on the task at hand and after a moment, she was able to pull up footage of Weikart heading into his hotel suite.

                “Keep an eye on Mr. Weikart. Let me know if he leaves,” Oliver said.

                “What are you going to do?” Diggle asked.

                “I intend to find out what he knows about Faust.” Oliver began to gather his Arrow gear.

                “You’re going to confront him in the hotel?”

                “If I have to; Faust is bringing weapons into my city and men like Weikart are taking those weapons to Bludhaven and Central City and who knows where else. We need to find him and we need to stop him.”

                “Oliver, I know you’ve been itching for a fight lately, but maybe we need to play this another way,” Diggle suggested.

                “And what would that be?”

                “If he’s in town to meet with this Faust guy, we just need to be patient. We’ll keep an eye on Weikart and when he meets with Faust, he could lead us straight to him,” Felicity offered.

                “And if he doesn’t?”

                “You can put the fear of God into him later?” Felicity said, only half kidding.

                Once the three of them had formulated a plan, Oliver went out to implement it. He managed to plant a bug on Weikart’s phone and in his hotel room while he was distracted by room service, and monitored Weikart from a nearby rooftop until it became apparent that he wasn’t going anywhere that night.

                Needless to say, by the time he returned to the lair, Oliver was tightly wound. Taking off his hood and jacket, Oliver headed straight for the wooden dummy. Felicity was thankful that Diggle had left shortly after Oliver returned, as she found her eyes kept wandering from her screens to the mats where Oliver was doing his best to work through his frustration. Shirtless.

                Felicity knew that she had been looking over a little too long when Oliver looked back at her, sweat glistening on his face and an intense look in his eyes. In that moment as their eyes met, Felicity found herself taken back to another time.

                _Oliver had just returned from patrolling to find Felicity practicing with the training dummy. She was so focused on what she was doing that she didn’t notice his approach until he was pressed up behind her, his warm breath on her neck._

_She closed her eyes as he began to kiss down her neck and across her bare shoulder, his gloved hands skimming up from her hips, one hand slipping beneath her tank top. He grabbed her by the waist, turning her to face him, before pulling her tank top off her body._

                _Her hands fumbled for the zipper on his jacket as their lips met. The kiss was soft but demanding. He cupped her face in his hands, as she managed to pull the zipper down and started to push the jacket off his shoulders, causing him to stumble backwards slightly._

_He let go of her long enough to shed his jacket, and she pulled her sports bra off, tossing it behind her. Oliver sunk down onto the training mats, pulling her with him, and his body soon covered hers, his weight pushing her into the mats as he captured her lips again._

_She ran her hands across the tight muscles of his back, letting out a soft moan as his lips left hers and began to trail down her neck. His kissed down her body as he pulled off his gloves so that he could cup her full breast in his bare hand. He took her nipple into his mouth, sucking lightly, causing her head to spin-_

                “Felicity?”

                Felicity’s eyes refocused and she noticed that Oliver was now standing next to her, looking concerned. She shook her head slightly, trying to bring herself back into the present.

                “Hey,” he said, gently cupping her face. “Are you okay?”

                Felicity moved away from his touch, blushing. “I’m fine.”

                “What happened? You seemed completely out of it for the last few minutes.”

                “I, uh, remembered something,” Felicity stammered, her body still humming from the heat of the memory. She crossed her arms against her body, willing away the goosebumps that had formed.

                Oliver stood perfectly still. “What did you remember?”

                Felicity stood up on shaky legs, turning away from Oliver. She wasn’t sure that she could look at him feeling the way that she was feeling. It wasn’t just the physical response she was experiencing; it was the way that she had felt during the memory. She may have been remembering a moment of passion, but that wasn’t what stuck with her. In that moment she had felt so attuned to Oliver. There had been a familiarity in his touch, but more than that, she had been overwhelmed by a feeling of love. For a moment, she had remembered what it felt like to love him, and to be loved by him, and that was even more overwhelming than the memory of his hands on her body.

                “Felicity?”

                “Sorry, it just felt so real. I mean, it was real, I guess,” Felicity stumbled over her words.

                “Do you want to tell me what it was?” Oliver asked.

                “It was-“ Felicity began but she struggled to find the words to tell him.

                It had been more than a month since the accident and in that time Felicity had often felt like she was living in a dream that she couldn’t wake up from. She could understand that she and Oliver were in a relationship, that they were married. She’d heard the stories, seen the pictures, but there was a disconnect between her mind and her heart. She hadn’t been able to feel it, or maybe she was just afraid to. It was the reason she hadn’t let him kiss her on their date several weeks prior and the reason she’d let a dozen opportunities to kiss him since then pass her by.

                But now, she had to know.

                Felicity turned to face Oliver, her heart pounding. Stepping forward to close the gap between their bodies, she looked up to meet his eyes.

                “I just need to try something,” she said softly.

                Oliver looked confused for a moment until Felicity leaned in and pressed her lips to his. It took him just a second to respond and then his lips were moving against hers. The kiss started gently, but quickly became more passionate, as Oliver wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer, crushing her against his bare chest.

                Felicity’s mind raced as they kissed, overcome by the feelings that the kiss provoked. There was something so familiar about kissing him, as though her body could remember what her mind could not. She had resisted kissing him in fear of everything becoming real, and she had been right. Kissing him felt real in a way that so many things hadn’t. She’d always dismissed the feelings that she’d had towards him as friendship or simply a crush, but as she allowed herself to touch him, to finally acknowledge those feelings, she knew they ran much deeper.

                As the kiss became more intense, Felicity could feel her body responding to his, and she found herself tracing the hard lines of muscle on his back. Still, as much as she wanted to take things further, she also knew she wasn’t ready for that, despite what her hormones might be trying to convince her.

                So, reluctantly Felicity ended the kiss and took a small step back, running her hands gently down his chest as she did so. She took a moment to catch her breath and looked up to meet his eyes.

                “Now I really have to know,” Oliver said, his voice low. “What did you remember?”

                “We were-” Felicity began, feeling her face begin to flush. She looked over at the training mats, then back at Oliver, biting her lower lip.

                “Ah,” Oliver said, a look of understanding crossing his face. “That could have been a few different times actually.”

                Felicity couldn’t help but chuckle. “Why am I not surprised?”

                Oliver just smiled in response.

                “Go shower,” she told him, pushing him lightly. “I think it’s time to go home.”

***

                Using the bug in his phone Felicity was able to keep track of Weikart throughout the next day. He was smart enough not to discuss anything of importance over the phone, but Felicity was able to use his phone’s GPS to track his movements over the course of the day.

                On their drive to the Foundry that night, Felicity filled Oliver in on what she had learned.

                “A hospital and a convent?” Oliver asked, clearly skeptical. “Why would a man like Weikart go to either of those places?”

                “Visiting a sick friend?” Felicity offered, lamely. “I honestly don’t know, but I did pull up security footage at Starling Memorial just to be sure and it was him alright. He was there for about an hour, best that I can tell. I don’t know why though.”

                “And the convent?”

                Felicity shrugged. “It’s a convent. No cameras to hack and it’s on the outskirts of town, so it’s pretty isolated. All I can tell you is that he wasn’t there for long.”

                “There is something about this that just does not add up,” Oliver frowned. “I think I may need to pay Mr. Weikart a visit.”

                “At this point, I’m starting to agree with you.”

                Felicity had just settled into her chair at the Foundry, when an alert popped up on her screen. She glanced at it quickly, and then looked back over her shoulder towards Oliver and Roy.

                “Weikart just got a text with an address,” she said loudly.

                Both men came to stand behind her, looking over her shoulder at the screen.

                “I know that place,” Roy said. “That’s an old factory a few miles from here. I went to a party there once.”

                “Weikart will be there?” Oliver asked.

                “I would assume so,” Felicity responded. “The text was sent from a blocked number, so I’m betting that’s his contact here in Starling.”

                “How long?” Oliver asked.

                “Looks like they’re set to meet in about an hour.”

                “Let’s gear up,” Oliver said, turning to Roy.

***

                When Oliver and Roy returned to the Foundry a couple of hours later, they were both pretty banged up.

                “I thought you were just going to call Lance when you realized that Faust wasn’t one of the guys at the meeting?” Felicity asked, getting out of her chair and walking towards Oliver.

                “We did,” Roy said gruffly.

                “So, what happened?”

                “Somebody decided that he wanted to question Weikart a little more before they got there,” Roy replied.

                Felicity placed a hand on the side of Oliver’s face where she could see a bruise already beginning to form on his jawline.

                “Did you find out anything about Faust?” she asked him softly.

                “No,” he growled. “Weikart didn’t know anything. Whoever this Faust guy is, he knows how to cover his tracks.”

                “We’ll get him,” Felicity assured him. “Now let’s get you cleaned up and go home.”


	12. Chapter 12

                When Felicity checked her email in the office on Monday morning, she was surprised to see a confirmation email from a resort a few hours away from Starling City. At first she thought it might be work-related but then she noticed the date of the reservation - May 16th, Oliver’s birthday. She realized that she must have booked the mid-week getaway as a present for him.

                Pulling up the website for the resort Felicity knew immediately why she would have wanted to take Oliver there. The luxury resort was situated on a large wilderness reserve with access to both a lake and two rivers. It offered a number of amenities, including a five star restaurant which prided itself on its use of local ingredients, and a full service spa. The resort had a large number of nature trails, as well as offering opportunities for star gazing and something called forest bathing. It seemed like the perfect place for her and Oliver to get some time away, something that they probably needed now more than ever.

                A quick call to Oliver’s executive assistant Madison confirmed that Oliver’s schedule was clear for the three days the resort was booked, and that Oliver didn’t know anything about it. Madison let Felicity know that she’d planned the trip several months prior and had wanted it to be a surprise. As such, Madison had created a fake schedule so that Oliver wouldn’t suspect.

                As Felicity made last minute preparations for the trip, she started to get excited about the prospect of taking a trip together. The past six weeks had been both physically and emotionally exhausting for her and for Oliver as well. They needed a break. They were still trying to figure out their relationship and spending time together without the pressure of their everyday lives, without worrying about QC or Arrow business might be just what the doctor ordered.

                On Wednesday morning, Felicity woke up early, the anticipation of the surprise (and pregnancy related heartburn) keeping her from sleep. She had already put a pot of coffee on and was sitting at the table, verifying the directions on her tablet, when Oliver came into the kitchen still in his pyjama bottoms.

                “You’re up early,” he remarked.

                Felicity’s eyes lingered on his bare chest for a moment. She had really lucked out marrying him. She shook her head, once again cursing her hormones, and forced herself to meet his gaze.

                “It’s a special day,” she said, standing up and moving towards him. “Happy birthday.”

                Felicity put her hand alongside his jaw as she gently kissed him.

                Oliver smiled.

                “I have a surprise for you,” she told him.

                “Is that so?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

                Felicity nodded. “We are not going to work today.”

                “We’re not?”

                “Nope,” Felicity smiled, stepping past him to take down a mug and pour a cup of coffee. “We are going on a mini-vacation.”

                “Are we?” Oliver asked. “And where will we be going?”

                “Point Pelee Lodge. It’s about three hours from here. We’re booked for two nights,” Felicity said, handing him the mug of coffee. “Are you surprised?”

                “Very.” Oliver took a sip of the coffee.

                “Good. So was I,” Felicity joked.

                Oliver chuckled.

                “I have meetings for the next couple of days,” Oliver told her. “I’ll have to call Madison and have her reschedule those.”

                “Already taken care of,” Felicity assured him. “Apparently Madison was in on it so those meetings are fake. I also talked to Dig, and he and Roy will be on Arrow duty while we’re away. I’ve even got our bags packed, so we can get on the road right after breakfast.”

                “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. You always think of everything,” Oliver looked thoughtful for a moment. “Are you ready for this though? To go away just the two of us?”

                Felicity nodded. “I’m actually kind of excited. I think it could be really good for us.”

                Oliver put his mug down on the counter and pulled Felicity into his arms for a hug. “Thank you,” he said sincerely.

                “You’re welcome,” Felicity whispered as she relaxed into the hug.

                “Now,” she said, tilting her head up to look at him. “How do you feel about birthday French toast?”

***

                A few hours later, they were well on their way to the resort. Felicity was using the GPS on her tablet to guide them, and to find the many rest stops she’d needed along the way. As they began to slow down, having encountered construction-related traffic, Felicity directed Oliver off the main route onto the back roads to detour around the problem areas.

                “I knew there was a good reason that I married you,” he joked as they moved away from the traffic and began to pick up speed again.

                “My navigational skills?” Felicity asked, smiling.

                “Among other things,” Oliver turned to wink at her.

                Felicity found herself blushing, thinking of her most recent memory and the kiss it had led to. Things between her and Oliver had been really good since then, something that Felicity hoped would continue. She was starting to move past her fears and forward with her life. However, that also meant, she had to start to deal with the past.

                “Why _did_ you marry me?” Felicity asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

                “What do you mean?”

                “Well, the last thing I remember is you and I as friends, and partners. However, obviously that changed,” she explained, gently running one hand over the swell of her stomach. “I guess I’m just wondering how that happened.”

                “Oh,” Oliver answered, looking over at her briefly before focusing back on the road. “I’m not sure where to begin.”

                Oliver was quiet for a few moments, as he seemed to consider her question. “It was November, and we had been after this arsonist. You had found the place where he’d been hiding out, so I went to pay him a visit. I had just barely managed to take him down before the building went up in flames. While I waited for the SCPD to come and take him away, the adrenalin started to wear off and by the time I handed him over and headed back, I remember, I was just _exhausted_. I had barely slept all week, and he had been harder to take down than I had expected. I almost didn’t have the energy to get back on my bike, but then I heard your voice on the comms, telling me to come home.”

                Oliver smiled.

                “You must have said those words to me dozens of times before, but in that moment those two words just grounded me. Right then I realized that there was nothing I wanted more than to come home to you. Not just that night, but every night after that.”

                He paused, glancing over at Felicity once again. This time she looked up at him and their eyes met for just a moment.

                “When I got back to the Foundry, you were in your chair, as always. You were so caught up in whatever you were doing that you didn’t even notice I was there. When I put my hand on your shoulder, you practically jumped. Then you turned to look at me, and I just _knew_. I knew that I loved you, that I wanted you by my side, as my partner, in every meaning of the word. So, I asked you to dinner.”

                “And I said yes,” Felicity added quietly.

                “You did,” Oliver nodded. “Of course I realized later that night that you hadn’t realized I had meant it as a date.”

                Felicity chuckled. “Obviously you should have been clearer.”

                “I think I made my intentions quite clear when I kissed you after dinner.”

                “And that’s how it all began?” Felicity asked.

                “That is how it all began,” Oliver repeated. “Was it what you expected?”

                Felicity shook her head. “Not really. But then again, I don’t know what I expected.”

                “I know I wasn’t very open with my feelings when we first met,” Oliver said, “but is it that hard to believe that we’re together?”

                “It’s not that,” Felicity admitted. “I guess I’ve always suspected that there were feelings there. I just never really thought that anything would come of it, you know, because of the life we lead.”

                “I knew that comment wasn’t done coming back to haunt me,” Oliver sighed. “Let me tell you what I told you the first time you mentioned that particular comment- which is that there’s still truth in it.”

                Felicity looked at Oliver quizzically.

                “Because of this life that we lead, I _do_ worry that our relationship puts you in danger. I worried about your safety before we were together, and now that you’re my wife, I worry even more. This isn’t an easy life, and I have thought a lot about what that means, especially since we started trying to get pregnant. I can’t imagine what I would do if I lost you or the baby. Still, one thing that I’ve learned is that you and I are better together. We are partners, in every sense of the word, and I couldn’t do what I do without you.”

                Felicity took in all that he was saying, struggling to find the words to respond. She was still surprised at how open Oliver had become, so different from the guarded man she remembered who was so hesitant to share his feelings.

                “Thank you,” she said finally, reaching out her hand and laying it on his arm.

***

                Because of the detour, by the time that they arrived at Point Pelee Lodge it was early afternoon and Felicity was quite hungry, and they were both eager to stretch their legs and explore the resort. Leaving the staff to take their bags up to their suite, they ate a quick lunch in the restaurant before heading out on one of the many trails the Lodge had to offer.

                As they walked along a trail which overlooked the lake, Felicity was struck by the beauty of the sun glinting off the water. Having grown up in the desert and now spending most of her time in Starling City, Felicity had forgotten how much she enjoyed getting away in nature. When she had been a student at MIT, she and her friends had headed out to the Middlesex Fells Reservation whenever they’d had a break to hike the trails there.

                As they walked, Felicity was suddenly struck by the thought that, although nature might feel like a respite for her- a way to relax and get away, for Oliver it might bring back very different memories.

                “Oliver?” she called softly, following him along the trail.

                “Yes?” he replied, continuing to walk.

                “Is it okay that we came here? I mean, are you okay being out here? I know it’s not an island, but I don’t know if the woods are too much of a reminder of Lian Yu,” she said, flustered. “I’m sorry. I should have asked you this before.”

                Oliver stopped and turned to look at Felicity.

                “It’s okay,” he assured her. “The island was a long time ago. I have made my peace with that time in my life.”

                Felicity cocked her head to the side. “That’s it, isn’t it?”

                Oliver looked puzzled. “That’s what?”

                “That’s what is different about you,” Felicity explained. “I thought maybe it was because we were married or because you’re older, but that’s not it. It’s the island. It doesn’t seem to haunt you anymore. Not the way that it did.”

                Oliver ran his hand along his jaw. “No, I don’t suppose it does.”

                “Why is that?”

                “The easy answer would be time, I suppose. It’s been almost six years since the island, and some days it feels like it’s been longer- like the island was another lifetime. My time there will always be a part of me, but it does not define me anymore. _You_ taught me that; you and Diggle. I came back from the island just wanting to make amends, to make up for the mistakes of my parents, but now it’s about more than that. Now I just want to protect my city, I want to make Starling a better place. I have to think about the future and not dwell on the past.”

                “You had to find another way,” Felicity said, smiling.

                “I had to find another way,” he repeated.

                Felicity looked at the man who stood before her. He really was different than the Oliver that she remembered; he was more open with his feelings, he smiled and laughed more easily, and he seemed lighter somehow. He may still carry the weight of the city on his shoulders, but he no longer seemed crushed by it. He seemed to have become the man, and the hero, that she’d always believed he could be.

                “Now, come on,” Oliver said, reaching out his hand to Felicity. “If you’re up to it, I think we should try to get up to that lookout our waiter was talking about.”

                For once Felicity didn’t hesitate before reaching out to take Oliver’s hand. “I think I’m up for the challenge.”


	13. Chapter 13

                They spent the afternoon slowly making their way along the trail, stopping every so often so that Felicity could rest. When they reached the lookout, they stood together taking in the view. It was every bit as breathtaking as their waiter had described. From their vantage point, they could almost see the entire lake. The surrounding greenery was in full bloom with spring, and aside from a few canoes, it seemed as if they were all alone on the escarpment. It was perfect.

                Oliver put his arm around Felicity’s shoulders, and she allowed herself to lean into his touch, resting her head against his chest. And for a few moments, they just stood there silently, appreciating the quiet moment and the nature that surrounded them.

                Laying a gentle kiss on the top of her head, Oliver began to reach into his pocket and for a moment Felicity panicked.

                “Cookie?” Oliver offered, holding out a small plastic baggie.

                Felicity smiled. “Where did you get those?”

                “I asked the waiter to pack them up while you were in the bathroom. I thought we might need a snack.”

                “You thought right,” Felicity replied, reaching out and taking a cookie. “I am _hungry_.”

                There was a log near the lookout where they sat for a few minutes, sharing the cookies. As they got up to head back down to the Lodge, Oliver held out his hand to help Felicity up. She took his hand, allowing him to help her to her feet, but as they began their hike back down the escarpment, she kept hold of his hand, not letting go until they’d returned.

                Arriving back at the Lodge, they headed up to their suite for the first time. As they stepped through the doors, Felicity’s first thought was that the photos on their website hadn’t done the room justice. It was gorgeous. Like the rest of the Lodge, it had a warm and rustic feel, with beautiful hardwood floors and lush earth-toned throw rugs. The red sandstone fireplace was adjacent to a small sitting area, and there was a French door leading out to the second floor porch, which overlooked the water.

                Felicity remembered reading that all of the furniture was handmade, but she hadn’t expected that the log furniture would be so unique and beautiful. Her gaze lingered on the luxurious king sized bed in the middle of the room- it was practically a work of art. Rather than using uniform pieces of wood, the builder seemed to have used the bends in each piece of wood to shape his design, creating a unique look. Tired from the hike, Felicity was tempted to climb into the bed right there and then. In that same moment it occurred to her that she and Oliver would be sharing a bed for the first time that she could remember. Although she’d fallen asleep once or twice beside him in his bed or hers, he’d always respected her space enough to move her to her own bed or return to his own. This time there would be nowhere else to go.

                They had just enough time before dinner for Felicity to enjoy a bath in the extra deep bathtub. It relaxed her muscles after their hike and allowed her some much needed alone time. After her bath, Felicity pinned up her loose curls and dressed in the fuschia sleeveless dress she had bought the previous weekend when Thea had insisted on taking her shopping for maternity clothes. Felicity was almost halfway through her pregnancy, and it showed. At first she had mourned the loss of her slim figure, but now that her belly had rounded out, she found that she was almost proud of her “baby bump”. Of course having Thea take her to find designer maternity clothes that she felt she actually looked good in had helped immensely.

                She stepped out of the bathroom to meet Oliver. He was already dressed in a dark blue button down shirt and charcoal grey pants.

                He smiled when he saw her. “You look beautiful,” he told her, placing a hand on her arm as he leaned forward to kiss her cheek.

                “Thank you,” she blushed. “You look pretty good yourself.”

                He held out his arm for her to take. “Shall we head down to dinner?”

                Felicity nodded, taking his arm and they headed down to the restaurant.

                Dinner was delicious. They enjoyed the chef’s tasting menu which included fish cakes made with locally sourced fish, salad made from delicate lamb’s tongue greens and a succulent beef tenderloin.

                They had a perfect view of the sunset over the lake, and their conversation flowed easily. It had been a long time since Felicity and Oliver had spent an entire day together just enjoying each other’s company, without QC or Arrow business getting in the way, and Felicity found that she really enjoyed it. Even after all the time she’d spent with Oliver, there was still so much she was learning about him.

                “What was your best birthday?” Felicity asked.

                Oliver answered immediately. “Five years ago.”

                Felicity thought back to the night in question. “That can’t have been your best birthday.”

                “Why not?” Oliver asked. “A good bottle of wine and a great friend- what more could I ask for?”

                “First of all, that was a _great_ bottle of wine- 1982 Lafite Rothschild. I dream about that wine. But what I meant was- you were in a bad place that night, still in shock over Tommy’s death. You were a complete mess, what with the arrow wound in your chest and your Atlas complex about what happened in the Glades being your fault. All we did was sit around drink wine and talk about nothing until we both passed out. How was that a good birthday?”

                “I will admit I was not in a good place that night. And you are right; it wasn’t a good birthday or a happy birthday for that matter. It was the first birthday since I’d been back from the island and all I could think about was how much I just wanted to go back there, to escape. I had been trying so hard to make things better and all I could think about was how I’d made things worse. I felt so lost, and I needed someone, and you were there.”

                Oliver reached out to take Felicity’s hand in his, running his thumb lightly across the back of her hand. “You let me in with no expectations, no judgment and you just sat with me. I didn’t even tell you that it was my birthday, but you knew.”

                Oliver smiled. “You always know.”

                He paused for a moment, looking thoughtful. “And I remember you said ‘I know this sounds silly but I want to tell you something. Tommy died yesterday. He didn’t die today, and you shouldn’t remember it like it happened today.’”

                Felicity thought back to that night. She remembered how he had looked so lost, so devastated, like his entire world had collapsed. She knew that he always tried to be in control, he always tried to take responsibility for everything that happened to those around him. She knew that Tommy’s death would haunt him for the rest of his life, and she didn’t want that to keep him from having at least a little bit of happiness. Birthdays should be happy memories, and Felicity knew that Oliver could use more of those. She didn’t want Tommy’s death and the Undertaking to ruin that.

                “I might not have been able to tell you then, but that meant so much to me,” Oliver continued. “This is always a hard time of the year for me, but ever since then we’ve always done my birthday just like this, just the two of us, away from everything else. That night was just the beginning for us, and that’s why it will always be my best birthday.”

                Felicity smiled, squeezing his hand.

                “Though, I have to say, this birthday might be a pretty close second,” Oliver added.

                “It’s been a pretty good day for me too,” Felicity told him.

                The waiter approached their table, holding a plate of cake with a candle on top.

                “Don’t worry, I won’t sing,” he assured them as he set the plate down between them, producing two forks. “This is an Italian chocolate cake with homemade brown butter ice cream. Enjoy.”

                “Well birthday boy,” Felicity said as the waiter left. “Time to make a wish.”

                Oliver gave her a small smile. “I don’t need to make a wish. I already have everything I could ever want.”

***

                After dinner Oliver and Felicity headed back down towards the lake, having been persuaded by the staff that it was the perfect condition for stargazing. However it wasn’t the stars in the sky that first caught Felicity’s attention, rather the twinkling lights hovering over the lake, like hundreds of fairies dancing together.

                “What in the world,” Felicity wondered, gaping at the sight before her.

                “Fireflies,” Oliver said softly. “Wow, I haven’t seen fireflies since I was a kid.”

                “I’ve never actually seen them before,” Felicity shared. “I mean, not in person. I’ve seen pictures, of course, but this is incredible. I can barely tell where the stars end and where the fireflies begin.”

                Placing a hand at the small of Felicity’s back, Oliver led her over to a bench beside the lake where they could take in the incredible view. He stretched out his arm across the back of the bench, behind Felicity and as she leaned back, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

                They sat in a comfortable silence, taking in the view before them. The moon was high in the sky, shining brightly amongst the dozens of stars. The fireflies continued to dance over the lake, which seemed full of stars itself, as it reflected the light from the sky. After a few minutes Felicity toed off her shoes, tucking her feet up underneath her on the bench, and resting her head on Oliver’s shoulder. She felt his arm tighten around her ever so slightly and smiled.

                For a moment, time seemed to stand still and Felicity found herself trying to memorize every detail. The perfect view, the feel of Oliver’s arm around her and the heat of his body warming hers. More than that, though, she wanted to remember the peace that she felt in that moment. This had been the first day in a long time where Felicity had felt truly relaxed. It was a perfect moment, at the end of a wonderful day, and Felicity found herself wishing that they could stay like that forever.

                A while later, Felicity’s eyes fluttered open as Oliver kissed the top of her head.

                “Hey,” he whispered. “You’re falling asleep.”

                “Sorry,” she mumbled, straightening up.

                “It’s okay,” he said softly, smiling. “We’ve had a long day.”

                Felicity nodded, as she yawned.

                She sat up, and began to reach for her shoes, but Oliver grabbed them first.

                “I need those,” she told him.

                “Nope,” he told her, with a sly smile.

                Felicity was still crafting a response, when Oliver scooped her up into his arms, one arm under her legs and the other around her back. She let out a small shriek, and wrapped her arms around Oliver’s neck.

                “Oliver, put me down,” she insisted. “I’m too heavy, what with the yam and all.”

                “Hardly,” Oliver scoffed. “Wait, did you just call the baby a yam?”

                Felicity blushed. “Yeah, at 18 weeks, it’s the size of a yam. I have an app.”

                Oliver chuckled. “Well rest assured that I am perfectly capable of carrying my wife and the _yam_ back up to our room. Besides, you and I both know you don’t really want to put your shoes back on and walk.”

                Felicity yawned in spite of herself, knowing he was right. So, she held on tight and let him carry her the short distance back up to the Lodge.

                Back in their room, Felicity headed into the bathroom to wash off her makeup and change into her pyjamas. She fixed her hair into a loose braid, and headed back out to the main room where Oliver was already lying in bed. Felicity felt oddly nervous as she padded across the room and climbed into bed beside Oliver. Silly as it seemed, sleeping in the same bed felt like a big step in their relationship.

                Once she was settled under the covers, Oliver reached over and turned out the light.

                “Goodnight Felicity,” he said softly. “Thank you for today.”

                “Goodnight Oliver,” Felicity replied, turning onto her side and closing her eyes.

                Despite how tired she was, and the fact that the king sized bed was one of the most comfortable beds that Felicity had ever been in, after several minutes she was still struggling to get comfortable. Felicity had reached the point in her pregnancy where she was limited to lying on her side, and was finding that her back and legs were more sore than normal, probably from their hike. She fidgeted with the pillows and blankets, trying to find a comfortable position to no avail.

                After a few minutes, the bed shifted as Oliver slid closer.

                “Hey,” he whispered. “You okay?”

                “I can’t get comfortable,” Felicity said, yawning as she turned to face him. “My back is aching. I should have brought the body pillow from home. It usually helps.”

                “Maybe I can help,” Oliver suggested. “Turn around.”

                Felicity did as Oliver asked, rolling back onto her other side. A moment later, she felt the bed shift again as he moved even closer, wrapping his body around hers. His chest pressed up against her back, and his bent knees nested against hers. The warmth of his body against hers seemed to provide some relief to her sore body, and Felicity could feel her muscles start to relax.

                “Is this okay?” he whispered, his warm breath against her neck.

                “Yeah,” Felicity said nodding. “This feels good actually.”

                Oliver’s arm came across her body, his palm resting on her swollen belly. Felicity closed her eyes as he gently stroked her belly with his thumb, finally allowing sleep to overtake her.

                Felicity awoke the next morning in much the same position that she had fallen asleep in, Oliver’s body still curled around hers. At some point in the night her tank top had ridden up, exposing her swollen belly, so Oliver’s palm was spread across her bare skin. She thought that it would have been weird waking up in Oliver’s arms, especially in such an intimate position, but it wasn’t. She felt safe and well-rested, and if it weren’t for the pressure that the baby was exerting on her bladder, Felicity would have stayed in bed as long as possible.

                Reluctantly, she extricated herself from Oliver’s embrace and padded to the bathroom. When she returned a few minutes later, Oliver was awake. He rolled to face her, smiling.

                “Hey,” he said, his voice husky with sleep.

                “Good morning,” she replied.

                Felicity only hesitated for a moment before climbing back into bed beside Oliver. It was still early and they were on vacation, so she figured she might as well enjoy some extra rest. Oliver rolled onto his back and opened his arms to Felicity. Felicity lay on her side, facing him, her belly pressed up against his side, and her head on his shoulder. One of Oliver’s arms wrapped around her, while the other came to rest on her stomach.

                “Hey little one,” he whispered, gently stroking her stomach.

                Then Oliver laid a gentle kiss on the top of Felicity’s head. “This is nice,” he whispered. “I’ve missed this.”

                “It is nice,” Felicity replied, laying her hand on Oliver’s chest and nestling into his side. “I could get used to this.”


	14. Chapter 14

                They spent the next two days enjoying their time away and each other’s company. For the first time that Felicity could remember Oliver seemed genuinely relaxed, as though the weight of his responsibilities and all of his worries had been lifted away. It was refreshing to see Oliver this way, to see him as just a man, and not as a CEO or the Arrow. For once he was just Oliver, and Felicity liked that.

                They spent their time exploring the beautiful nature that surrounded them, hiking and canoeing. Felicity even convinced Oliver to indulge in a few spa treatments, after she promised never to speak of it to Diggle or Roy. They spent time talking and getting to know each other as they enjoyed several gourmet meals, and Felicity found that the more time she spent with Oliver, the more time she wanted to spend with him. Away from all the stress and drama of their everyday lives, Felicity began to feel like part of a normal couple. And she was surprised to discover the part of her that really wanted that.

                On Friday evening, as they packed up the car to head back to Starling City, Felicity found herself hesitant to leave. Oliver seemed to notice this, as he came to stand beside her, putting his arm around her shoulders.

                Felicity leaned into his touch as she looked out over the lake.

                “I know we haven’t been here very long,” she told him. “But I think I’m going to miss this place. It’s so peaceful here.”

                “I know what you mean,” he replied. “It was nice to get away for a while.”

                Oliver leaned down towards Felicity, gently kissing the top of her head.

                “Thank you for this,” he whispered into her hair.

                Felicity smiled. Even though he hadn’t said it directly she knew he was thankful for much more than their few days away. She could feel the distance between them fading away, and it seemed that they might finally be starting to move forward again.

***

                They drove home on the back roads, savoring the last few hours of their vacation. Felicity watched the sun set outside the window, her thoughts drifting.

                It was dark when they turned onto the long gravel driveway and Felicity found herself smiling as they drew closer to the house, which was just visible in the pale moonlight. As nice as it had been to get away, it felt equally nice to come home.

                _Home_. Felicity wasn’t sure when she’d truly accepted this space as her home. It seemed to have happened gradually, without her even being aware of it. There were a lot of things that she was still unsure of, Oliver being one of them, but there was something about this place. Maybe it was because it was the house that she’d always dreamed of, or maybe it was because it held all the memories that she no longer did. Either way, it was good to be home.

                Felicity headed into the kitchen and put on the kettle, while Oliver brought in their bags. By the time Oliver came back downstairs, she’d already poured two cups of tea. She handed one to him and they headed out onto the front porch to the swing.

                “Thea texted,” Oliver said, sitting beside Felicity on the swing. “She wanted to remind me about the family birthday dinner tomorrow night.”

                “I had forgotten all about that,” Felicity admitted.

                “So had I,” Oliver said, setting his tea down on the ground next to the swing. “Are you alright with that?”

                “Of course,” Felicity smiled. “I am always in favour of celebrating you.”

                “Even when it involves my mother?”

                “I am _less_ afraid of her now,” Felicity informed him.

                “Uh huh,” Oliver replied, smiling.

                “Oh, be quiet,” Felicity told him, snuggling into his side.

                They settled into a comfortable silence as they drank their tea. Soon, Felicity found herself yawning, and struggling to keep her eyes open.

                “Time for bed?” Oliver asked, taking her tea cup out of her hands.

                Felicity nodded, slowly getting to her feet. She started up the stairs, Oliver following a few steps behind her. He walked with her to the bedroom doorway.

                “Goodnight Felicity,” he said, dropping a light kiss on her lips, before turning away.

                Felicity took a step into the room, but then thought better of it and turned around, stepping back into the hallway.

                “Oliver,” she called.

                “Yes?” he turned to look at her.

                “Do you want to,” she began. “I mean, I think it’s time, or I think I’m okay with…”

                “What is it?” he asked, taking a step towards her.

                Felicity took a deep breath. “This is your room too.”

                Oliver’s eyes widened slightly. “Are you sure?”

                Felicity nodded. “It’s time.”

                Oliver couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face as he stepped forward and followed Felicity into the bedroom.

***

                The next night, Felicity nervously adjusted the tied bow on her cobalt blue wrap dress as they waited at the door, her stomach fluttering. Oliver laid a calming hand on her arm.

                “Is it this house or my mother that makes you so nervous?” he asked gently.

                “Both,” Felicity admitted. “I know it’s ridiculous, but I can’t help it. I’m sure I’ll get over it eventually.”

                Oliver chuckled. “Actually, I’m not so sure about that.”

                Felicity shot Oliver a look. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

                Oliver didn’t get a chance to reply as the door opened.

                “My beautiful boy,” Moira said, smiling as she greeted them. “And his beautiful wife.”

                “Hi Mom,” Oliver said, as he stepped forward to hug his mother tightly.

                Felicity followed Oliver forwards into the foyer, standing awkwardly to the side. She’d seen Moira a number of times since that first dinner at the house, but she still found herself intimidated by the older woman.

                As Moira stepped back from her son, she turned to look at Felicity, a wistful smile on her face.

                “Felicity, you really do look lovely,” Moira told her. “How are you feeling?”

                “My palms are really itchy- which is apparently a pregnancy thing. I’m pretty sure it has something to do with increased blood flow,” Felicity blurted.

                Felicity closed her eyes and silently counted to three. “I’m sorry. Lately it’s felt like I have even less of a filter than usual.” She took a deep breath, “I am feeling well, thank you.”

                Oliver leaned close to Felicity. “You sure about that?” he whispered, smirking.

                “Come dear,” Moira said, stepping forward and taking Felicity by the arm. “Let’s go have a drink while we wait for Thea and Roy to arrive. I’d like to hear all about your trip.”

                Felicity was a little surprised, but followed the older woman into the living room.

                Their conversation flowed with surprising ease, as they discussed not only Oliver and Felicity’s trip, but also the work that Moira had been doing with several local charities. Felicity and Moira were in the midst of discussing some of the changes happening with the Glades Memorial Hospital Foundation, when Thea and Roy arrived.

                Oliver, ever vigilant, stood up as Thea strode into the room, Roy trailing behind her.

                “Happy birthday Ollie,” Thea said, smiling as she approached her brother and kissed him on the cheek.

                “Thanks Speedy,” Oliver replied.

                As Thea greeted her mother, Roy shook Oliver’s hand. “Happy birthday old man.”

                Oliver clapped Roy on the shoulder. “Just remember who you’re talking to. I’m not too old to take you on,” he mock threatened.

                “Keep tellin’ yourself that,” Roy smirked.

                Felicity stood up so that she could hug Thea, happy to see the younger woman.

                “Wow, you’ve really popped since I saw you last,” Thea exclaimed, placing her hand on Felicity’s stomach.

                “Thea!” Moira admonished.

                “I’m just stating a fact,” Thea responded.

                Thea smiled at Felicity, giving her a quick hug, while Moira sighed.

                “You look great, sister sister. I might even say that you’re _glowing_ ,” Thea teased. “Of course that could be because you and my brother have been shacked up in the woods for the past few days.”

                Felicity blushed profusely.

                “I think that I will go and see if dinner is ready,” Moira said, standing up and leaving the room.

                “Remind me to hack all of your social media accounts,” Felicity grumbled to Thea as they sat on the couch.

                “Oh, you love me,” Thea grinned.

                “The jury is still out on that,” Felicity replied. “Especially if you keep giving me a hard time when your mother is around.”

                “Oh, please, she loves you,” Thea said dismissively. “I don’t know why you always get so nervous around her. She’s not as tough as she seems.”

                “I’m just not good with families, not even my own.”

                “Well, we _are_ your family now, and that means you’re stuck with us,” Thea grinned. “Get used to it.”

                Dinner felt very much like a family affair. Talking about their time away somehow turned into a trip down memory lane, as Moira, Thea and Oliver shared stories of Queen family vacations. As they laughed together, Felicity found herself starting to relax. She couldn’t remember the last time that she’d been at a family celebration like this. It had been a long time since she’d celebrated a birthday or a holiday with extended family, or even with her own mother. She had to admit it felt nice.

                After dinner was finished and the cake had been eaten, they returned to the living room. Thea was sharing her latest stories from business school with Oliver when Moira stood up and gestured for Felicity to follow her. Felicity cast a quick glance over to Oliver, who shrugged, and then followed Moira out of the living room and into the study.

                “Is everything alright?” Felicity asked.

                “Of course, dear,” Moira said picking up a square box off of the desk. “Please, have a seat.”

                Felicity sat down on the loveseat and Moira came to sit next to her.

                “I have something for you,” Moira said, passing the box to Felicity.

                Felicity looked at Moira questioningly, before taking the lid off of the box, to reveal a delicately knitted ivory blanket. Putting the lid to the side, she gently picked up the blanket, surprised by how soft the wool felt.

                “It’s beautiful,” Felicity remarked.

                Moira smiled. “My mother gave this to me when I was pregnant with Oliver. She knit it herself.”

                Felicity began to unfold the blanket, holding it up so that she could take a better look.

                “The pattern is so intricate,” she remarked.

                “My mother was very serious about her knitting,” Moira told her. “The women in her family had been knitting for generations. Even after she married my father and began to live the society life, she was still devoted to her knitting. She actually tried to teach me more than once, but it never took. I suppose I didn’t have the patience for knitting.”

                Felicity let the blanket drop over the swell of her stomach as she looked up at Moira.

                “You know, Robert and I brought Oliver home from the hospital in that blanket. I remember I was so surprised that they would just let us leave with him. I held onto that beautiful baby boy so tightly, terrified that I would drop him. To be honest, I’m surprised I didn’t smother him.”

                Moira reached out and took Felicity’s hand. “Felicity, I can’t even imagine what you are going through right now, how strange all of this must seem. I was going to wait until we had a chance to throw you a proper baby shower to give you this blanket, but then I thought that you might need it more now. I thought that it might help you to focus on your future, the future that you and Oliver have together. I know that you don’t remember how you got here, but I do know that you love my son. Just as I know that you will love this child and, when the time comes, I hope that this blanket can hold as many memories for you as it has for me.”

                Felicity was speechless, her eyes filled with tears. She could see the compassion in Moira’s eyes, hear the sincerity in her voice. The thoughtfulness of her mother in law’s gesture overwhelmed her.

                “Thank you,” she managed, wiping the tears from her eyes.

                “Oh, now, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Moira said, leaning forward to embrace Felicity.

                “It doesn’t take much these days,” Felicity joked.

                “I certainly remember that,” Moira said, taking the blanket out of Felicity’s arms, folding it and replacing it in the box. “Now, come, we should get back before Oliver sends out a search party.”

                “He is a worrier,” Felicity admitted.

                “ _That_ he gets from me,” Moira added.

                The two women headed back into the living room. Felicity put the box down on the table and sat next to Oliver.

                “Are you okay?” he whispered, putting his arm around her shoulder.

                Felicity nodded. “Better than okay.”

                Oliver looked at her, a question in his eyes.

                “I’ll tell you on the way home,” she said, smiling as she tucked herself closer to his side.


	15. Chapter 15

                “Alright, let’s take a look,” Dr. Zavandi said as she used the ultrasound wand to spread the cool gel across Felicity’s abdomen.

                Felicity closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. When she opened them and looked over at the screen, she felt her heart begin to pound.

                At the first ultrasound, everything had felt surreal: it had been right after the accident and Felicity’s focus had been on trying to process all that had happened to her. At that time, even the ultrasound image of the baby hadn’t seemed real. At only 12 weeks it had been more difficult to make out the shape of the baby, and Felicity remembered thinking it looked kind of like a jellybean. Now, at 20 weeks, there was no mistaking that it was a baby.

                Felicity tried to focus on what Dr. Zavandi was saying but found herself distracted by the tiny fingers she could see on the screen. She was both fascinated and terrified at the same time. This was really happening; she was really going to have a baby.

                “Felicity?” Oliver’s voice brought Felicity back to the moment.

                “I’m sorry, what?” she asked, turning to look at him.

                Oliver reached out and took her hand, his brows furrowed. “Dr. Zavandi asked if we wanted to find out the gender.”

                “Oh, um,” she flustered. “Yeah, I guess that would be good. What do you think?”

                Oliver smiled. “I think we have had enough surprises for a lifetime.”

                Felicity couldn’t help but smile at that. Oliver squeezed her hand gently, and they both turned back to look at Dr. Zavandi.

                “Let me see if I can get a better angle,” she said, moving the wand over Felicity’s rounded abdomen. She looked at the screen intently for a moment and then tapped a few buttons to freeze the image on the screen.

                “Well,” she said finally, “it looks like you will be having a baby girl.”

                “A girl,” Oliver said, grinning. “That’s incredible.”

                Felicity managed to nod, unable to take her eyes off of the screen. She was going to have a daughter. She squeezed Oliver’s hand tightly, but couldn’t bring herself to look at him. She was overcome with a feeling of nausea and suddenly it was as if she could hear the blood rushing past her ears. This was really happening; she was going to have a child with Oliver.

                She became aware that the doctor was still talking and forced herself to focus.

                “-should be fine. We’ll keep monitoring you of course, but everything looks on track for you to deliver around the end of October.” Dr. Zavandi took a cloth and began to wipe the gel off of Felicity’s abdomen. “I’ll give you two a minute, while I print off a picture of that precious little girl.”

                “Thank you,” Oliver said, while Felicity continued to stare at the image on the screen.

                “Hey,” he said softly after the doctor had left the room. He reached out and gently placed his hand on Felicity’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

                “Yeah,” Felicity nodded, “I’m fine.”

                “You don’t seem fine,” he frowned.

                Felicity forced a smile onto her face, turning to look at Oliver, his brows furrowed.

                “I’m just taking it all in,” she told him. “It’s a girl. I mean, we’re going to have a daughter. That’s, I mean, wow. A girl.”

                “A daughter,” Oliver repeated, his face relaxing into a soft smile.

                “Is that what you wanted?” Felicity asked. “Is that what _we_ wanted?”

                “I am just happy that she is healthy, and that you are healthy,” Oliver said seriously, leaning forward to kiss her temple. “What were you hoping for?”

                “I guess I hadn’t really thought about it.” Felicity let go of Oliver’s hand and pulled her shirt back down over her exposed belly. She let her hands linger over the swell, as her heart continued to pound.

                Oliver placed his hands over hers, joy and fascination radiating off of him. He seemed so excited. And he should be excited, Felicity thought. This was what they had hoped for, planned for, _dreamed_ of. This was Oliver’s happy story. It should have been both of their happy stories, and yet Felicity found herself feeling… Well, she didn’t know what she was feeling. In that moment, she was just trying to keep breathing.

                Oliver clasped one of Felicity’s hands in both of his and brought it to his mouth, placing a light kiss on the back of her hand. He looked over at her and smiled and Felicity managed a small smile in return.

                Dr. Zavandi returned with a printed copy of the ultrasound, which she handed to Felicity. She reminded Felicity to schedule another appointment in a few weeks time and wished them well.

                Once again, Felicity found herself mesmerized by the image, barely able to pay attention to Dr. Zavandi or Oliver as she became lost in her own thoughts. Looking at the grainy black and white image she found herself wondering about what her daughter would look like. Would she have blue eyes and light hair? Would she look more like herself or Oliver?

                “Felicity?” Oliver’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

                “Yeah,” she replied distractedly, still looking at the image.

                “Are you ready?”

                Felicity looked over at Oliver. “Oh, yeah, sorry.”

                Felicity tucked the photo into an envelope and pushed it into her purse. Taking a deep breath, she took Oliver’s hand and allowed him to help her off the exam table.

***

                Felicity managed to keep it together until she was back in her office at Queen Consolidated. If Oliver had noticed that she was quieter than usual on the drive back, he seemed to have had enough sense not to mention it. Felicity knew that she didn’t have the best poker face, especially when it came to Oliver, but she wasn’t ready for him to know just how much she was freaking out.

                However, once she was alone in her office with the door closed, it was a different story. At first Felicity sat at her desk, hoping that she could keep her mind occupied with work, but after ten minutes of reading the same email, her knees bouncing with nervous energy, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to distract herself. She pushed herself away from her desk and stood up, starting to pace in the small space.

                She was having a baby, an actual baby. She was going to have a little girl. She placed her hands over the swell of her stomach, rubbing gently as she paced. She could feel a slight fluttering inside, something she’d been feeling for a few days, which she now knew was the baby moving around, and not just indigestion.

                When Dr. Zavandi had asked if she’d felt the baby move yet, Felicity hadn’t known how to respond. Until that moment, she hadn’t realized that she _had_ felt the baby move before; she had assumed the fluttering feeling was related to her nausea, or anxiety. Of course, she couldn’t admit that to Dr. Zavandi, or in front of Oliver for that matter. She didn’t want them to know just how disconnected from this pregnancy she still felt or how she was on track to be a terrible mother. She was still afraid to believe that the baby was real.

                Felicity wasn’t sure if it had been seeing her daughter on the ultrasound or finding out that it would actually _be_ a daughter that finally pushed her over the edge, and brought her into reality. Yet, here she was- stuck in a reality that she just wasn’t sure that she was ready for. In less than 5 months, there would be this whole other person relying on her for everything.

                As Felicity continued to pace, Moira’s words came back to her: this baby was her future, hers and Oliver’s. She could only hope that Moira was right, that she would find her maternal instinct and somehow come to love this baby, because right now she just wasn’t sure she did or even could. Right now all she felt was anxiety and fear.

                The envelope sticking out of her purse caught Felicity’s eye and she stopped pacing. Tentatively she picked up the envelope, opening it and pulling out the blurry black and white photo. She stared at the photo for a long moment before putting it back into the envelope, which she shoved to the bottom of her purse.

                Felicity took a deep breath, and tried to pull herself together. She couldn’t afford to fall apart, she had work to do. Putting her purse in the bottom drawer of her desk, Felicity sat back down at her desk and put all of her energy into the code in front of her. At least _this_ was something she knew how to do.

***

                That night, Felicity and Oliver were lying in bed, Felicity on her tablet, while Oliver read over his briefings for the next day’s meetings. In the week or so since Oliver had moved back into the bedroom, this had become a regular occurrence, as they both unwound after the long days (and nights) that their jobs often required.

                Felicity was catching up on her favourite tech blog, when she was startled by a fluttering sensation in her stomach.

                “Whoa,” she mumbled, placing one hand over the swell of her abdomen.

                Oliver immediately sat up, dropping his papers and looking concerned. “Are you alright?”

                “Yeah,” Felicity nodded. “It just startled me.”

                Oliver’s brow furrowed. “What did?”

                “The baby moving.”

                A look of relief crossed Oliver’s face.

                “She moved?” he asked, lips turning upwards in a slow smile.

                Felicity met Oliver’s gaze, managing a small smile. “Yeah, she’s moving all right.”

                “May I?” he asked, reaching his hand out towards her.

                Felicity nodded, and Oliver wasted no time moving closer to her on the bed and placing his hand beside hers on her stomach.

                “I don’t feel it,” he said after a few moments, frowning.

                Felicity closed her eyes. The fluttering had stopped as quickly as it had begun. “Oh, it stopped,” she informed Oliver.

                He started to take his hand off her stomach, looking disappointed.

                “Wait,” she said, putting her hand over his. “It might happen again.”

                They sat in complete silence for a few minutes, Felicity’s hand over Oliver’s on her stomach, waiting. Despite any misgivings Felicity might be feeling over the pregnancy, she knew how badly Oliver wanted this. Eyes still closed, Felicity wondered if she could somehow convince the baby to move if she thought about it hard enough. Wasn’t there supposed to be some sort of magical connection between a mother and her unborn child?

                “There,” Felicity said, feeling the same sensation she had before. “Did you feel that?”

                Oliver shook his head. “No,” he said, sadly.

                “Maybe it’s too soon for you to feel it,” Felicity frowned. “Sorry.”

                “It’s okay.” He stroked her belly gently. “I’m glad you got to feel her though.”

                “Yeah,” Felicity responded softly.

                She knew he was disappointed and she was too, but what made her feel even worse was that she couldn’t feel his excitement. Ever since that morning at the ultrasound, Oliver had barely been able to contain his joy at finding out they were having a daughter. He hadn’t exactly been shouting it from the rooftops, although Felicity was sure that he’d like to, but he couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. He wanted this so badly, and all Felicity wanted was to want it too. Unfortunately it wasn’t that simple.

%MCEPASTEBIN%


	16. Chapter 16

                “Seriously, what is wrong with me?” Felicity asked, pacing back and forth in front of the couch in the small office. “Why can’t I just be happy? Why can’t I just accept this life?”

                “Please Felicity, sit back down,” Dr. Callahan gently urged, holding out her hand to touch Felicity’s arm as she moved past her.

                Felicity nodded, sitting back down.

                “There’s nothing wrong with you,” Dr. Callahan assured her.

                “It’s just, I don’t think that I can do this,” Felicity confessed, her eyes filling with tears. “I don’t know _how_ to do this.”

                “What is it exactly that you don’t feel that you can do?”

                “I don’t know. Live this life? Be a mother?” Felicity took her glasses off, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. “For a moment there, I thought we were good. I thought we could be happy. I thought that _I_ could be happy. I actually started to believe that I could be Felicity Queen, that I could be Oliver’s wife. I mean, I love him. I think that I _really_ love him.”

                Felicity took a deep breath, her arm wrapping around her stomach. “But I’m not ready. Seeing the baby on the ultrasound, seeing _our daughter_ just did something to me. It’s like the floor just dropped out from underneath me.”

                “You’re scared,” Dr. Callahan stated, looking at Felicity sympathetically.

                Felicity looked down at her stomach, as she continued to move her hand back and forth across the swell where her child grew. “I’m terrified.”

                “Why?”

                “Because I’m not cut out for this. I don’t know how to be a mother. Frankly, I didn’t have the best role model for that,” Felicity sighed. “I mean, I _love_ my mother, and I know that she loves me, but I spent half of my life wondering if her life would have been better if I wasn’t in it. I mean, I know that she tried her best, but after my father left, I think she just got lost. And now, look at me, I’m _already_ lost. I’ve spent the last few months playing catch up on my own life, with less than a handful of memories to show for it.”

                Felicity closed her eyes as she finally found the words to express what she’d been feeling for the past few days. “I’m scared because I feel stuck. I’m afraid that I will wake up one day and I will resent Oliver or I will resent this child. I know that this is something that _I_ wanted, or at least something that the other Felicity wanted, but I missed that dance. I didn’t get to make the choices that she made, I just have to live with them, and I don’t know if I can.”

                “You still have a choice Felicity,” Dr. Callahan assured her.

                “Do I?” Felicity asked, as the tears began to flow. “It doesn’t feel like I do. I mean, I love Oliver. I think that I have always loved Oliver. But does that mean I’m ready to be his wife, to have his child? I don’t know. It’s all happening so fast. I need more time, and there just isn’t any. This baby, she’s going to be here in just a few months. I feel her moving, growing, weighing me down more every day. And I know, it’s supposed to be all amazing and miraculous and joyful and sometimes I feel that, but these last few days…”

                Felicity’s heart pounded, and she reached for a tissue to wipe her tear stained cheeks. Her hands were shaking as she prepared to voice her deepest fear.

                “What if I can’t love her?”

***

                Felicity headed straight to the Foundry after her session with Dr. Callahan, still feeling overwhelmed by the emotions she’d expressed and the fears she’d confronted during her session. She was thankful that she’d driven herself, so that she would have some time to get herself together before she had to see Oliver. Things between them had already been strained for the past few days, as Felicity had been struggling with the feelings the ultrasound had brought up. Talking with Dr. Callahan had helped, but Felicity still felt more than a little lost.

                At least when Felicity was at the Foundry, she felt like she belonged. She knew her place there, the familiar chair and screens. She knew what her role was, and she was good at it. The past few days she’d been going back over all of the information that they had gathered about Father Faust. She’d been tracking his known associates, mapping out shipments of guns and other illegal goods that had slipped into the city.

                For some reason, Faust continued to evade Team Arrow. He’d been on their radar for months and they’d never even gotten a look at him. He was a puzzle that Felicity was determined to solve.

                As Felicity came down the familiar stairs in the Foundry, she could hear that Oliver and Diggle had already arrived. Even better, she could smell that they’d brought dinner.

                “Please tell me that’s lasagne from Russo’s,” she said as she reached the bottom of the stairs.

                Oliver looked over at her with a smile. “It is indeed.”

                “And garlic bread with extra cheese?”

                Oliver nodded.

                “How did you know?” Felicity asked.

                “I have a sense about these things,” Oliver responded.

                Felicity reached for the paper bag, but Oliver picked it up, holding it just out of her reach. She frowned at him.

                “You can have this on one condition,” he told her.

                Felicity eyed him suspiciously. This was not the day to get between her and delicious Italian comfort food.

                “What is it?” she asked.

                “There is also a spinach salad in here.”

                Felicity sighed. “I will eat some salad too.”

                “Thank you.” Oliver handed Felicity the paper bag, which she took over to her desk, logging into her systems before opening the foil containers.

                Felicity was thankful that Oliver and Diggle had already started to eat before she arrived; it made her feel less guilty about getting straight to work rather than joining them. She’d only just gotten her emotions back under control and was eager to throw herself into her work and regain some sense of equilibrium.

                She was so caught up in going over everything that they’d learned about Faust and his known associates that she barely noticed when Oliver left to patrol. She mapped all of Weikart’s activities, along with all of the weapon and black market shipments they’d been tracking, including the warehouse where she’d had her accident. Then Felicity started to follow what little they had in the form of a paper trail. Still, just like before nothing seemed to line up. Until it did.

                “I swear, this pregnancy is rotting my brain,” she grumbled. “How did I miss this?”

                The answer was staring her right in the face and she couldn’t believe that she’d missed it - _Father_ Faust. All this time she’d been thinking of it as just a name, like Brother Blood; but what if it wasn’t? Once Felicity had started to look into the financial records of Faust’s known associates, she’d noticed something interesting. They had all spent time up in the outskirts of Lamb Valley, near St. Christopher’s, the convent where they had tracked Weikart.

                What if Father Faust wasn’t just a name? What if he was actually a priest?

                With this new realization, Felicity started to formulate a plan. She needed a win, and maybe solving the mystery of Father Faust and taking him down could be just that.

***

                Felicity hadn’t finished her research on the convent when Oliver had returned to the Foundry, eager to pack up and head home. As such, she’d opted not to share what she’d learned until she had a better idea of how they should proceed. After all, she didn’t want Oliver bursting into a convent with his bow drawn if she was wrong. Instead she’d kept quiet on the drive home and headed straight up to bed when they’d arrived, afraid that if she opened her mouth she’d confess more than just her thoughts on Faust.

                “You never told me how your session with Dr. Callahan went today” Oliver said softly, as he climbed into bed beside Felicity.

                Felicity turned onto her side, facing away from Oliver. “It was fine.”

                Oliver remained silent for a few minutes, so Felicity reached to turn off the light.

                “Felicity?” he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

                “Yeah?” she replied.

                “Is everything alright? You haven’t been yourself all week.”

                Felicity closed her eyes. “I’m okay,” she tried to tell him, but found that her voice got caught in her throat.

                “You can talk to me.”

                Felicity could hear the concern in his voice. She should have expected that he wouldn’t stay silent for long. She knew that he’d noticed the distance she’d put between them in the past few days, he was always so attuned to her. In truth, he always had been, even back when she could remember, much like she had always been able to see beyond the mask that he so often wore to conceal his feelings.

                Ever since Oliver had let her in on his secret, they had always been open and honest with each other. Maybe not right away, but they never kept secrets for long. So, as scared as Felicity was of sharing all that she was feeling, all her worries and fears, there was a part of her that needed to. As Dr. Callahan had encouraged her just a few hours earlier, Felicity knew that she needed to tell him: even if it hurt him, even if it jeopardized all the gains that they’d made in their relationship over the past few weeks.

                Felicity rolled onto her back, pulling herself up into a sitting position, and Oliver followed suit, angling his body to face her, as he leaned back against the headboard.

                “I-“ Felicity began, stopping short when she felt the now-familiar flutter in her stomach.

                She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to will away the tears that formed as she wrapped her arms around the ever-growing swell of her stomach.

                “Oliver, I don’t know if I can do this,” she said breathlessly.

                “It’s okay,” he said tenderly, reaching out to touch her face. “We don’t have to talk if you’re not ready.”

                “No,” Felicity said, shaking her head. “I mean, I don’t know if I can do _this_.”

                Oliver let his hand drop, allowing a look of hurt to cross his face for just a moment.

                “I _want_ to,” Felicity continued. “At least I think that I want to. I just don’t know if I can… I know this sounds crazy but these past few weeks, it’s been like a dream. And I don’t mean a bad dream, but it just hasn’t felt real, you know? And then the other day, when we-“

                Felicity let out a shuddering breath, still blinking back tears. “When I saw her, when I found out that we were having a daughter, it just hit me. This is _real_. I’m not going to wake up one morning back in my townhouse, I’m not going to go back to being just your _girl_. I’m not just Felicity Smoak anymore; except the thing is, I only know how to be Felicity Smoak. I don’t know how to be Felicity Queen, and I definitely don’t know how to be a mother.”

                Felicity closed her eyes against the awfulness of what she knew she had to say next. “I don’t know if I even _want_ to be a mother,” she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper.

                Felicity took a few deep shuddering breaths, afraid to open her eyes, terrified of Oliver’s response. He would hate her. Anyone would hate her. It was an awful thing to say, but an even worse way to feel. She was a horrible person.

                There was no stopping her tears now, the emotional release of her admission finally allowed the dam to break. Felicity pulled her knees to her chest, as much as she could, burying her face in her hands as she sobbed.

                “Hey,” Oliver whispered, pulling her into his arms, shushing her as he gently kissed her hair. “It’s alright.”

                “It’s not,” Felicity insisted.

                Oliver took a deep breath. “It is going to be alright. I am here for you, whatever you need.”

                Felicity allowed her body to relax slightly, leaning her head against Oliver’s chest, and wrapping one arm around his back.

                “Felicity, you are not alone in this, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to be someone that you are not. You have a choice, and whatever you choose, I will support you.”

                “I don’t know what to do,” Felicity whispered.

                “I know,” Oliver said softly. “And you don’t have to decide right now. I just want you to know that you don’t have to be Felicity Queen if that’s not what you want. I never wanted to force you into anything.”

                “You didn’t.”

                “My point is that I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay. If you aren’t ready for this, that’s alright. We will figure it out. We always do. I’m not so afraid to lose you that I won’t let you go, if that’s what you need.”

                Hesitantly, Oliver loosened his hold on Felicity just enough to place his hand over the swell of her abdomen. “This is _our_ daughter in here, and no matter what happens, no matter what you decide, she will be loved and taken care of.”

                Felicity knew what Oliver was trying to say. He was giving her an out. He was letting her know that he would raise their daughter, with or without her. When all was said and done, he was giving her the choice to walk away. The question was- did she want to?


	17. Chapter 17

                As Felicity slowly awoke, she found herself entangled with Oliver. Her head rested on his chest, their legs intertwined. One of his arms was wrapped around her shoulders while the other rested on the swell of her belly between them. As she began to remember how they’d ended up in this position, Felicity couldn’t help but smile.

                After her heart-wrenching declaration the night before and after Oliver had given her an out, the heaviness of all that she had been feeling had drained her. She’d cried in Oliver’s arms for a long while until she had been able to get her emotions back under control. Then, while she’d gone to splash cold water on her face, he’d gone downstairs, not returning until after she’d fallen asleep alone.

                In the middle of the night, Felicity had gotten up to use the bathroom, as she always did. However no sooner had her head hit the pillow as she returned to bed, when Oliver’s arm reached out to grab her. He pulled her close into his side, wrapping his arms tightly around her as he nuzzled the top of her head. His breathing was still deep and even, and Felicity felt an ache in her chest, knowing he’d reached out for her, that he’d needed her close, even in sleep.

                The truth was she needed him close too. In the few weeks that Felicity could remember them sharing a bed, she’d always slept with Oliver’s arms around her. A lot of things in their relationship were complicated, and they were still dancing around each other in many ways. But here, in their bed, things were simple. It was easy for Felicity to take comfort in Oliver’s embrace. While they were in bed, it was like they could forget all that had happened and pretend that nothing else existed. Nothing but the two of them.

                Now, as Oliver’s chest still rose and fell steadily beneath her, Felicity let the sound of his heart, beating slow and steady, and the warmth of his arms around her lull her back to sleep.

                She didn’t wake again until Oliver started to stir. She felt him press a kiss to the top of her head and opened her eyes slowly. He ran his thumb along the skin on her stomach, his hand having made its way under the tank that she wore, and Felicity felt a slight fluttering in response, as though the baby could sense his touch.

                Felicity smiled wistfully, and then raised her head to look up at Oliver.

                “Hey,” he said, his voice gruff.

                “Good morning,” Felicity responded.

                Oliver removed his hand from her stomach, loosening his hold on her, and Felicity reluctantly sat up, running a hand through her hair.

                “How are you feeling?” he asked, propping himself up on his elbows.

                “Okay.”

                “Good.”

                Oliver got up out of bed, turning away from Felicity. Suddenly, Felicity felt awkward, unsure of what to do in light of her confession the night before. The words she’d spoken had a weight to them, a weight she felt now even more than before.

                “Oliver?” she called.

                Oliver turned back to face her.

                “I- uh,” she began to falter. “Are _we_ okay?”

                He managed a small smile. “Yeah, we’re okay.”

                Felicity wasn’t sure that was true, but what else could he say? What else could _she_ say?

                “Okay,” she nodded.

                “Breakfast?” he asked.

                “Breakfast!” Felicity exclaimed, as she reached for her phone on the nightstand. “I forgot. What time is it?”

                Oliver tilted his head slightly, a questioning look crossing his face.

                “I’m supposed to meet Thea in the city for breakfast,” Felicity quickly explained.

                “What time?”

                Felicity looked down at her phone. “In less than an hour.”

                “Well, you know what they say about the Queen family,” Oliver said, smirking.

                Now it was Felicity’s turn to look confused.

                “Always late.”

***

                Thea was already seated at a table when Felicity arrived at the restaurant, miraculously only a few minutes late. Thea smiled when she saw her, standing up and moving around the table to hug her sister-in-law.

                “Hey sister sister,” she said, smiling.

                “Hi Thea,” Felicity replied, genuinely happy to see the younger woman.

                “And hello little niece,” Thea cooed, rubbing her hand across Felicity’s stomach. “You need to hurry up and get here so Auntie Thea can spoil you.”

                “Okay, let’s not encourage her to come out anytime soon,” Felicity urged as she made her way to her seat. “Constant pressure on my bladder aside, I’m in no rush for her to get here.”

                “I know,” Thea said, sitting back down. “I’m just so excited that I’m going to have a niece. Not that I wouldn’t have loved a nephew, but little girls are so much more fun to shop for.”

                “Why do I have a feeling that the shopping has already started?” Felicity asked, gesturing to the pink bag at Thea’s feet.

                “I couldn’t help it,” Thea shrugged. “When Ollie told me you guys were having a girl, all I could think about was tiny pink tutus.”

                “Please tell me there are no tiny pink tutus in there.”

                “You will just have to open it and see,” Thea said, smiling as she passed Felicity the bag.

                Felicity carefully removed the tissue paper, and reached into the bag. The first thing that she pulled out was a soft brown stuffed rabbit.

                “Oh,” she sighed, stroking the plush fur. “This is just like bunny, from when I was a little girl.”

                Thea smiled broadly. “When I saw it in the store, I remembered seeing a picture of you holding a rabbit like that, so I just had to get it.”

                Balancing the stuffed rabbit on her stomach, Felicity pulled out the other item from the bag. It was a pale pink knit romper that felt unbelievably soft. She turned it over and found that the hood had bunny ears, and the back even had a small fluffy tail.

                “Okay, this is absolutely scrumptious,” Felicity admitted.

                Fingering the soft fabric, for a moment her mind drifted. For a moment Felicity could almost picture her daughter, small and pink and perfect, with bright blue eyes and a little button nose. She felt an ache deep inside, a longing that she hadn’t felt before. For a moment it was almost overwhelming, but then the waiter came by, filling their glasses with water, and just as quickly as it came, the feeling passed.

                They enjoyed a leisurely breakfast, the conversation flowing easily. As they talked about everything and nothing, Felicity felt some of her stress and anxieties slowly fade away. In the few months that she could remember, she had really grown to enjoy Thea’s company, and they had become fast friends (or perhaps, more accurately, friends again).

                “Alright sister sister” Thea teased. “We have got a big day planned.”

                “I thought you just wanted to meet for breakfast,” Felicity replied.

                “I did,” Thea said, smiling, “But that’s because breakfast food is the perfect fuel for shopping.”

                “What kind of shopping did you have in mind?”

                An hour or so later, Felicity found herself surrounded by strollers, cribs, breast pumps and car seats. She’d never seen so many pastel colours in one place in her entire life.

                While Felicity was trying to get her bearings, picking up a book from a nearby shelf, Thea was waving down a sales associate.

                “Hello ladies,” the woman said, smiling. “Welcome to Rattle and Stroll, your home away from home for all your baby needs. My name is Kelly. How can I help you today?”

                “We would like to start a baby registry,” Thea stated.

                Felicity looked up from the book. “Wait, what?”

                “That’s wonderful,” Kelly replied. “Let me just go get some things and we can get started.”

                “I don’t need to start a registry,” Felicity protested, closing the book and putting it back on the shelf. “It’s _way_ too early for that.”

                “It is definitely _not_ too early to register for baby stuff,” Thea insisted.

                “There’s still months to go,” Felicity protested.

                “And they are going to go quicker than you think. Plus, now that you know it’s a girl, you can actually register for all of the cute stuff and not just the boring stuff.”

                Felicity frowned at Thea.

                “It’ll be fun, I promise,” Thea told her.  

                Thea looked so eager, Felicity knew that she couldn’t refuse. “Okay, fine,” she conceded.

                “Yay!” Thea clapped her hands together.

                Kelly returned a few moments later, with two scanner guns and a tablet in hand.

                “I just need some information for the registry, and we can get started,” Kelly told them, handing each of them a scanner gun and opening up a form on her tablet. “What names should I put on the registry?”

                “Um, Felicity and Oliver Queen,” Felicity said hesistantly.

                Kelly’s head popped up from her tablet.

                “Oh my, Mrs. Queen. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you,” she gushed. “You are so much prettier in person, you know? And positively glowing.”

                “Oh, umm, thank you,” Felicity said, flustered.

                “You know, I thought that I had read somewhere that you were pregnant, and now look, here you are.”

                “Here I am,” Felicity shrugged.

                “I am just so glad that you decided to register here, in our little store. What an honour this is.”

                Felicity wasn’t sure how to respond. She still wasn’t used to the extra attention that came with being a “Queen”. Luckily Thea was.

                “The pleasure is ours,” Thea jumped in. “You guys have some really cute stuff in here.”

                “Thank you,” Kelly replied.

                Thankfully Thea took over for a moment, giving Kelly their address and contact information, while Felicity wandered through the store, her attention caught by a row of gliders and rockers. Felicity had never seen so many different chairs, wood and plush, in a full spectrum of colours. She found herself drawn to a large plush rocker in a soothing shade of sage green. Sitting down she closed her eyes and rocked back and forth, her arms unconsciously wrapping around the swell of her stomach. In that moment, she was so comfortable, she thought that she might just fall asleep.

                She was still in the chair, rocking with her eyes closed when Thea and Kelly found her a few minutes later.

                “Well, I see we have our first pick,” Kelly announced.

                Felicity opened her eyes, and reluctantly got out of the chair. “I’m not sure we’re ready for furniture just yet. Let’s start with something smaller.”

                “We’ll work our way back up to furniture,” Kelly told her, a knowing smile on her face.

                As they built up the registry, aisle by aisle, Felicity started to feel overwhelmed. As Kelly asked questions to guide the process, Felicity became more and more aware of how much she hadn’t thought about. She’d been reading up on pregnancy, and had the stack of books to prove it, but it was becoming clear she hadn’t done enough reading on what it was going to be like when the baby came.

                She could feel her calm starting to fade away, while her stress and anxieties came flooding back. While it was fun to pick out sleepers and tiny socks, and she’d been genuinely impressed by some of the baby monitoring technology that was available, other things like bottles and breast pumps and baby carriers just brought up issues she hadn’t considered.

                It didn’t help that everyone they had met in the store seemed to think that her body was public property, putting their hands on her stomach without even asking permission. Felicity was starting to think that she might snap if one more person told her she must be having a girl because she was “carrying high”, whatever that meant.

                They never made it back over to the furniture. After a couple of hours in the store, half of which were spent figuring out which baby monitor was easiest to customize, Thea seemed to sense that Felicity had had enough and called it a day. She thanked Kelly for all her help, assuring her they would be back to add to the registry another day. Then, she ushered Felicity out of the store.

                “Okay, that’s enough baby stuff for one day. Let’s go get some shoes,” Thea said with a grin.

***

                By the time Felicity arrived home, the sun was already beginning to set. It felt like Thea had dragged her through every store in town, and Felicity’s feet were aching, but it had still been a great day. It had been nice to just feel normal for once, and that was something Felicity had desperately needed after the week that she’d had.

                Coming into the house, Felicity called out a greeting as she stepped through the front door, but headed up the stairs without waiting for an answer. She dropped the bags in the bedroom, holding onto the pink bag that Thea had given her. She headed across the hall to the empty room that was going to be the nursery, surprised to find the door closed.

                She opened the door and could tell right away that something was different, even before she turned the light on. There was a slight breeze from the open window and a strange smell in the air. She reached out to flip the light switch and dropped her bag, caught off guard by the sight before her.

                The walls which Felicity was sure had once been painted beige, were now the palest shade of pink. Against one wall stood a beautiful wooden crib, with the Queen heirloom blanket that Moira had given her draped across the side. More surprising, however, was the sage green rocker in the middle of the room. It was the very same rocker that Felicity had sat in at the store only hours beforehand.

                One hand covering her mouth, Felicity stepped further into the room. She first moved over to the crib, running her hand along the rail and picking up the soft white blanket. She hugged the blanket to her chest as she crossed the room, sitting down in the rocker and taking it all in. Although the room was still bare, Felicity started to picture it full of the items she and Thea had looked at. Everything was becoming so real, and Felicity wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

                “What do you think?” Oliver asked softly, stepping through the doorway.

                “I don’t know what to say,” Felicity admitted.

                “Do you like the colour?”

                “It’s perfect,” Felicity said, her voice soft and full of emotion. “I can’t believe you did this. I mean- this chair. How did you know?”

                “Thea,” he told her, a small smile crossing his face. “She called me when you were busy looking at baby monitors. She arranged to have it delivered this afternoon.”

                “And the rest?”

                “The crib I bought earlier this week,” Oliver said, leaning back against the door frame. “I was out for a walk and I stepped into this store and there it was. I bought it on impulse, because I thought it would be a nice thing to surprise you with. Then, when I talked to Thea to tell her we were having a girl, she agreed to keep you out of the house for the day so I could paint and set it up.”

                 “I am surprised,” Felicity admitted. “And now I realize that I have the absolute worst timing in the world. For you to do all of this, after all of those horrible things that I said last night.”

                Felicity’s eyes welled up with tears, and she nervously fiddled with the blanket in her hands.

                “Hey,” Oliver said softly, crossing the room to be at her side. “It’s okay. I’m glad you told me.”

                He took a deep breath, looking away for a moment, and then back at Felicity. “I want you to know that you can tell me anything. There is nothing you could say that would change the way that I feel about you.”

                “I’m scared,” she whispered.

                “I know,” he said, taking her hand in both of his.

                “I’m not ready yet.”

                “I know,” he told her. “But it’s okay. We still have time.”

                Felicity knew that Oliver was right. There was still time. Time for her to figure out what she wanted, and to make the hardest decision she knew she would ever make. It wouldn’t be easy, but at least there was still time. Felicity just hoped that there was enough.


	18. Chapter 18

                Felicity had been dreading this conversation ever since she’d hung up with Sister Margaret earlier in the day. Still, she couldn’t put it off any longer, she needed to tell him.

                She turned her chair away from her computers to face Oliver, who was training at the wood wing chun dummy.

                “I think I know who Father Faust is,” she blurted. “Well, not really who he is, well, maybe who he is, but I definitely think I know where he’s operating from.”

                Oliver stopped what he was doing and crossed the foundry towards her.

                “Felicity, what are you talking about?”

                “I think I know how we can find Father Faust,” she repeated.

                “Go on,” he said, gesturing with his hand.

                “I had this thought the other day- what if Father Faust isn’t just a name? What if he’s actually a priest? I’ve been going back over all of the records that we had of Weikart and all of Faust’s other associates, and they’ve all spent time out near St. Christopher’s Convent. Now, there’s practically nothing else out there, so what would these guys be doing out there? Then, I looked into St. Christopher’s financials and they seem to get an awful lot of anonymous donations. It just seems too strange to just be a coincidence.”

                “You think Faust is using St. Christopher’s to launder money?” Oliver asked.

                “I think it’s worth a look,” Felicity replied.

                “I will go and take a look then,” Oliver said, turning and heading towards the glass case that held his Arrow gear.

                “Actually, I made an appointment for us to go tomorrow afternoon.”

                “What do you mean you made an appointment?” Oliver asked as he turned back towards her, his tone gruff.

                “St. Christopher’s runs an orphanage,” Felicity explained. “I spoke with Sister Margaret earlier today under the guise of being a potential benefactor. When she heard who I was, she was more than happy to accommodate us to come in and tour the facilities. Since we don’t have much information, and we’re dealing with children and nuns instead of criminals, I thought this would be the better approach.”

                “No,” Oliver shouted, pointing his finger aggressively in Felicity’s direction. “No, absolutely not! You might be willing to put yourself at risk, to put _our daughter_ at risk, but I am not.”

                “Oliver, there’s no risk,” Felicity protested.

                “The last time you were out in the field. I almost lost you, I almost lost both of you,” Oliver rubbed his hand along the side of his face.

                “Hell, some days I think I have lost you,” he sighed, his voice softening slightly. “I am not going through that again. I am _not_ going to risk losing you or the baby.”

                “This isn’t the same Oliver,” Felicity insisted. “This isn’t a warehouse full of illegal weapons, it’s an orphanage.”

                “An orphanage that you just told me might be a front for those illegal weapons.”

                “Emphasis on the word _might_ ,” Felicity said, frustrated. “Either way, we can’t do things your usual way. You can’t go into a convent and an orphanage, all Arrow-ed up. Starling City’s hero can’t go around terrifying small children in the middle of the night.”

                “Fine, then I will go as Oliver Queen alone,” he said firmly.

                “And you think they’re just going to let you go rifling through their records?”

                “I’ll take Diggle,” Oliver said slowly, gritting his teeth through each word.

                “You don’t think I haven’t thought through all of our options? You don’t think I weighed all the risks?”

                “Honestly Felicity, I have no idea what you’re thinking anymore,” he threw his hands up, exasperated.

                Felicity stepped back, his words hitting her like a physical blow. She’d known he wouldn’t like the plan, but she hadn’t expected this harsh of a response. She hadn’t seen him this angry in a long time.

                “Oliver, I need to get this guy. I need _us_ to get this guy,” she admitted, choosing her words carefully as she sat back down in her chair. “This man, Father Faust or whoever the hell he is, he took _everything_ from me. It’s because of him that I can’t remember the last four years of my life, the last four years of _our_ life. He took that from me, and I don’t think I’m ever getting it back.”

                Felicity took a deep breath, trying to calm the anger she could feel rising to the surface. “You think I’m not afraid to risk myself, to risk this baby? I’m terrified. I am terrified _every day_ that something might happen, to me or to her, or that I just won’t be a good mother.”

                The anger started to fade from Oliver’s face. He stepped towards Felicity but she held out a hand and stopped him in his tracks.

                “It’s a solid plan,” she told him. “I’ve thought it through. You, Diggle and I will go to the convent. We’ll take the grand tour, and you’ll find an opportunity to sneak away and check things out. That’s it. Just a reconnaissance mission and Dig will stay with me the whole time. If my suspicions are correct and Father Faust is somehow connected to St. Christopher’s then this is the best way to find out.”

                “For the record, I do not like this,” Oliver said, frowning.

                “I don’t either, but I don’t think we have much of a choice. There’s nothing we can do from outside the building, they have no security cameras, no network to hack into.”

                Oliver closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay.”

***

                Oliver might have acquiesced in the end, but he was still angry about the plan, that much was obvious to Felicity. Still, he played his part as the doting husband and charming CEO. He certainly seemed to have charmed the elder Sister Margaret.

                “Well, as you can see Sister Margaret,” he said, wrapping an arm around Felicity’s waist. “My wife and I are starting a family of our own.”

                “I can certainly see that,” the older woman said, smiling. “A child is one of God’s greatest blessings.”

                “Indeed,” Oliver agreed, “and since we have been so blessed, we wanted to find an opportunity to help out those who are less fortunate than ourselves.”

                Felicity looked over at Oliver. Even though she knew he was just laying down their cover story, she could see the truth in his words. If they didn’t suspect that the orphanage was a front for illegal activity, it would certainly be the type of organization they would support. She knew Oliver had a soft spot for strays- Roy was proof positive of that.

                “Felicity?” Oliver said, breaking her out of her thoughts.

                “Sorry?” she apologized, embarrassed she’d been caught off guard.

                “Sister Margaret asked if we would like to meet some of the children,” he told her.

                “Oh, of course,” she said, smiling and turning to the nun. “That would be lovely Sister Margaret.”

                The three of them followed Sister Margaret down the hall, and Oliver held Felicity’s arm, pulling gently so they’d fall slightly behind.

                “We do not have to do this if you are not up to it,” he whispered.

                “I’m fine,” she insisted. “Just got caught up in my head for a moment.”

                “I need your head in the game if we are going to do this.”

                Felicity sighed. “I’m going to meet with some children. Small children, not criminals, and John will be with me the whole time. It’s fine.”

                Felicity picked up her pace, catching up with Diggle and Sister Margaret. The nun led them into a large playroom where about a dozen children were playing with several other nuns.

                “Now we have another group of children who are a little bit older, but they are still at school this time of day,” Sister Margaret explained.

                “How many children do you have currently?” Felicity asked, genuinely curious.

                “Right now, I believe we have about 23,” the nun replied. “We just had another baby dropped off. It breaks my heart to see them orphaned or abandoned so young. Still, at least it’s easier for us to find families for the young ones. Father Patrick is wonderful at finding new parents. I believe he’s actually out in the community right now, interviewing families.”

                Felicity and Oliver shared a look. She knew they were both thinking the same thing - was Father Patrick the man they were looking for?

                Felicity saw Oliver give Diggle a nod and a moment later his phone began to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket, glancing down at the screen.

                “Excuse me Sister Margaret,” he said apologetically. “I should take this. I won’t be long.”

                As Oliver left the room, Felicity kept Sister Margaret occupied asking questions about their program and the adoption process. The nun seemed more than happy to share, and the two women sat at a small table talking.

                The children seemed very familiar with Sister Margaret, often coming over to share a toy with her or to show her a picture that they had drawn. She, in turn, seemed genuinely fond of the children, giving each and every one of them her full attention, praising their handiwork and admiring how much they’d grown.

                A few children approached Felicity as well, and although Felicity didn’t have a lot of experience with children, she followed Sister’s Margaret’s lead and found that she was actually enjoying herself. So much so that when another nun, Sister Catherine, came in with one of the infants, she agreed to hold the child so that the two nuns could talk.

                Felicity couldn’t remember the last time that she’d actually held a baby. At first, when Sister Catherine had put the infant in her arms, she’d been terrified that she would drop her, but as the sister helped her nestle the baby’s head into the crook of her arm, Felicity began to understand the appeal. She was tiny, so much tinier than Felicity would have thought, and warm. The baby girl was fast asleep, making little contented sounds, and Felicity found herself staring down at her, unable to look away. There was just something about her.

                It only took a few minutes before Felicity figured out what it was, her mind flipping into panic mode.

                “Dig” she hissed, trying to keep her voice low.

                Diggle put down the book he was reading, and lifted the child off of his lap, crossing the room to stand beside Felicity.

                “What is it?” he asked. “Are you alright?”

                “I _recognize_ this baby,” Felicity whispered.

                “What do you mean you recognize this baby?” Diggle asked, skepticism clear on his face.

                “Look at her,” Felicity insisted.

                “Felicity, she looks like a baby. All babies look alike.”

                “John, I am telling you, I recognize this baby. Her photo has been all over the news. She was kidnapped from Starling Memorial last week.”

                “Are you sure?” he asked.

                “Of course I’m sure,” Felicity said with a sigh. “Why would they have a kidnapped baby here?”

                “I don’t know,” Diggle said, running a hand across his face, “and we’re not going to ask them. That was not part of the plan, and Oliver would kill me if I let you go off book.”

                “We have to do something,” Felicity protested, looking down sadly at the sleeping infant. “We need to get her back to her parents.”

                “We will,” Diggle assured her, placing his hand on her shoulder reassuringly. “Just not now. She’s not the only little one we need to keep safe.”

                Felicity knew that Diggle was right, and she _had_ promised Oliver that she would stick to the plan. Still, she’d never imagined they would encounter something like this. Felicity was certain that this was the same baby that she had seen on the news. Despite her own hesitations about becoming a parent, or perhaps because of them, she’d found herself drawn to the stories of missing babies; stories which had only served to feed her fears.

                Looking down at the infant in her arms, she could only imagine what the parents must be going through. They’d only just met her, and she had already been taken from them. How do you ever get over something like that? Felicity wondered. She was determined that they were going to make this right.

                Felicity heard a noise by the door and looked up to find Oliver staring at her, a wistful look on his face. Their eyes met, and she managed a small smile. The longing was clear on his face, but after a moment, he seemed to shake it off, clearing his throat and stepping into the room.

                “I’m so sorry about that,” he said.

                “Oh, please don’t apologize, Mr. Queen,” Sister Margaret said, breaking off her conversation with the other nun.

                Sister Catherine quickly came and took the baby from Felicity’s arms, taking her back out of the room. For a moment, Felicity felt a sense of loss, missing the warm weight in her arms.

                “Do you still have time to see the rest of the facilities?” Sister Margaret asked.

                “Of course,” Oliver said, putting on his most charming smile.

                “Wonderful.”

                Oliver crossed the room to Felicity, holding out his hand to help her out of the chair. He held her hand tightly, not letting go for the rest of the tour. Felicity wondered what he had found, noting the tension in his shoulders and the set of his jaw. It didn’t help that she was also on edge, unable to stop thinking about the baby she’d held.

                By the time they finished the tour and got back into the car, Felicity felt ready to explode.

                “Please tell me you found something,” she pleaded, as soon as the car pulled away.

                “Not quite,” Oliver admitted. “There wasn’t enough time. They keep paper records of everything. No computer, no files to pull, just filing cabinets. I didn’t want to risk getting caught, not while you were with me.”

                “What _did_ you find?” Felicity asked.

                “A drawer with a false bottom,” he told her. “And a key. I didn’t have time to figure out what it opens, though.”

                Oliver ran both hands across his face, rubbing his eyes.

                “I need to go back. There is something there,” he explained. “I have a very bad feeling about it.”

                “You’re not wrong,” Felicity sighed.

                “What happened?” Oliver asked, concern evident on his face.

                “Tell him,” Diggle interjected.

                “There’s definitely criminal activity happening there, but it might not be what we thought,” Felicity explained, pulling her phone out of her purse. “That baby that I was holding, I’ve seen her before. It’s been all over the news- she went missing from Starling Memorial last week.”

                Oliver let out a slow deep breath, his jaw clenching.

                “Are you sure?” he asked.

                “I wish I wasn’t,” Felicity said nodding. “Look.”

                She pulled up the photo that had been circulating on all of the major networks and held out the phone to Oliver. “See, the little pink mark on her forehead. It’s exactly the same.”

                “I’ll go back tonight,” Oliver said, looking at the photo.

                “And do what?” Felicity asked. “Do we even know what we’re looking for anymore?”

                “I am going to find out what that key unlocks,” he said with certainty. “And we are going to ensure that child goes back to her parents where she belongs.”


	19. Chapter 19

                Felicity knew she should stop watching it. She knew that she needed to close the browser and focus on anything else, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t stop thinking about the sheer desperation in their voices. The young parents had done a short interview right after their daughter Lily had been taken, and the same two minutes of video had been picked up by every news outlet in Starling City. The mother, Amy, could barely speak; her eyes red-rimmed and tears threatening to spill over once more as she pleaded for anyone with information to come forward. Her boyfriend, Kyle, seemed to be holding together better, but as he shared how he’d been out of town and had never even had the chance to see his daughter before she was gone, his shoulders began to shake.

                Felicity had lost count of how many times she’d watched the video, and how many times she’d read over the related news articles. She knew the facts backwards and forwards. Lily Powell had been born late Tuesday afternoon, at Starling Memorial hospital. By the time Kyle had arrived back from Coast City Wednesday morning, she was gone. No one had reported seeing anything unusual, and nothing of interest had come from the security footage. There were no leads, nothing to go on, and it seemed that as the days had dragged on, the news outlets had started to lose interest.

                It took all of Felicity’s restraint not to call the SCPD. She must have picked up the phone a dozen times and started to dial Lance’s number. She didn’t want Amy and Kyle to have to wait any longer to be reunited with their daughter. They deserved to know that she was safe, and they deserved to have her back in their arms. Still, Felicity knew that she couldn’t make that call- not yet. Not until they had more information, not until they have a better idea of what was really going on. It seemed unlikely that this was the first child that had been taken, and as much as Felicity wanted to get Lily back to her parents, she also wanted to make sure that no other families would suffer in the same way.

                They needed to figure out who was taking children, and for what purpose. Was it Father Faust? Did his black market dealings go beyond guns and weapons and include children? Felicity had heard stories, of course, of babies being sold on the black market to the highest bidder, and of illegal adoption schemes, but she’d never thought these things really happened. She’d thought they were an urban myth. Still, if it was true, then they would need proof, and that meant waiting, no matter how hard it was. They needed enough information to shut the whole undertaking down, and be certain that no more families would be broken apart.

                Felicity wondered if Oliver was having the same struggle that she was, and feeling the same unease, as he came down to her office, not once, but twice that day, and called or messaged another half dozen times. Usually he exuded calm, but she could see the nervous energy in the way he was holding himself, and in the small movements he made, rubbing his fingers together as he often did when he was agitated. He used work as an excuse most times, but Felicity had always been able to see through his excuses. Still, she went along with it, allowing him to bring her tea and “helping” him with computer problems she was sure didn’t exist. There was something to his strategy, though, because Felicity found that these little interactions made the day pass much easier.

                Finally the time came for Oliver to suit up and head out. Sitting at her desk in the Foundry while he got ready, Felicity struggled with the same uneasiness she’d felt since they’d left St. Christopher’s earlier in the day.

                She was fixing her comm into her ear as he let her know that he was leaving. She turned to wish him good luck, but found herself pushing herself out of the chair and moving towards him instead.

                She threw her arms around his neck, pressing herself as close to him as she could get. Without hesitation, Oliver wrapped his arms around her, his hands fisting in the fabric of her blouse. Felicity closed her eyes, breathing him in, and pressed a soft kiss just behind his ear.

                When she pulled away a few moments later, her right hand lingered on his neck, her thumb stroking along his jaw. She looked into his eyes for a long moment, struggling to find the words to express what she was feeling. So she let her actions speak where words couldn’t; raising herself up slightly so that she could kiss him.

                “Be careful,” she told him.

                “Always,” he assured her.

***

                Good fortune seemed to be on their side as Oliver managed to make it back to St. Christopher’s and into the office undetected. As he rifled through the office looking for files or some sort of proof of wrongdoing, Felicity followed any digital trail that she could find. She hacked into the Starling City Children’s Services database, looking for records of adoptions or any other reports on the orphanage.

                It wasn’t long before Oliver made contact. “I know what the key unlocks.”

                “What did you find?” Felicity asked.

                “It looks like someone has been keeping two sets of books.”     

                “Any mention of the missing children in either of those books?” Felicity asked, hopefully.

                “I’m not sure,” Oliver replied. “But that is not all that I found. There are more documents here. It looks like there are blank birth certificates and adoption paperwork. Some of these already have doctor’s signatures on them. This may go deeper than we thought.”

                “So they really _are_ selling babies,” Felicity whispered.

                Oliver sighed heavily. “Not for long. Tell me you’ve found something.”

                “A few more links back to Starling Memorial, which coincidentally seems to have the highest infant mortality rate in the city. I definitely won’t be signing up to deliver there,” she joked lamely.

                Felicity could barely make out another voice over the comms, and as she was just about to ask Oliver what was going on, he disconnected the link.

                The next several minutes passed slowly as Felicity tried (and failed) to raise Oliver on the comms. She began to run through all the possible worst case scenarios in her mind, wondering if they should have waited, if they had let their emotions about the situation get the best of them, if they’d rushed into this mission too hastily. She knew that neither she nor Oliver had been thinking clearly, both caught up in their own feelings about their own unborn daughter. Oliver’s fears about losing his child and Felicity’s guilt over her own mixed up feelings could easily have clouded their judgment. What if they’d made a mistake? What if something happened to Oliver?

                Felicity’s heart began to race, and her stomach fluttered in response. She put one hand over the swell of her abdomen, as she focused on taking slow deep breaths.

                “Felicity,” Oliver’s voice came in low over the comms.

                “Are you alright?” she asked.

                “Fine,” he replied. “Call Lance.”

                “Faust?”

                “I have him,” came the curt reply. “Tell Lance to send a team.”

                Felicity knew his Arrow voice when she heard it, so she held on to her questions, and made the call.

                It was another hour at least before Oliver finally made it back to the Foundry. Felicity heard his steps slow and uneven on the stairs, and turned to face him. Noticing his uneven gait, she stood up and crossed the room towards him, meeting him at the bottom of the stairs.

                “I thought you said you were fine,” she said, as she reached out towards him.

                “I am fine,” he insisted.

                “You’re bleeding,” she responded, wrapping an arm around his waist and helping him over to a chair.

                “It’s just a scratch,” he insisted, wincing slightly as he sat down.

                “Oliver, what happened?”

                “We were right. Father Faust is Father Patrick, the priest that Sister Margaret mentioned today. You should have heard him. He really thinks that he is doing God’s work. He is taking these children from their families because he thinks he knows what’s best,” Oliver told her, his voice low and rough. “I almost lost it on him. It would have been so easy. I had him right where I wanted him and all it would have taken was a single arrow.”

                “Why didn’t you?”

                “I wanted to.” Oliver said, as he ran both hands across his face. “For what he did to those families, for what he’s brought into this city, for what he’s taken from us.”

                He reached out a gloved hand, resting it softly on the swell of her belly.

                “But more than I wanted to take him down, I want him to face those families that he destroyed. They deserve to see justice served and I couldn’t take that from them.”

                Felicity carded a hand through his short hair. “Lance said they’ve actually been looking into Father Faust for a while. He called in a favour for a warrant, so the team that he took to St. Christopher’s is going to take the place apart. Hopefully they will find enough to keep him locked away for a long, long time.”

                Oliver nodded. “Good.”

                “Now, can I take a look at your leg?” Felicity asked, stepping away and grabbing a pair of gloves. “How did that happen anyway?”

                “Well, I wasn’t exactly expecting a priest with a knife,” Oliver explained, frowning. “It’s fine, though, the wound isn’t deep. He just happened to catch me on my right side, knocked my knee in a bad way.”

                “Looks like,” Felicity replied, gently probing the wound through the slash in the leather pants. “I have a feeling you’re going to be on light duty for a few days, but I’ll need to get a better look at the damage. That means I need to get you out of those pants.”

                “Why Mrs. Queen, I thought you’d never ask” Oliver teased.

                Felicity frowned. “It’s not funny, Oliver. There were a few minutes there when I thought I might have lost you.”

                “Hey,” he said softly, placing a gloved hand on her arm. “You’re not going to lose me.”

                Felicity nodded. “Alright, pants off.”

***

                Unable to get back to sleep after she awoke in the middle of the night, Felicity snuck out of bed and headed into the nursery. She picked up the white heirloom blanket that Moira had given to her, and curled into the rocking chair, laying the blanket across her round belly.

                As the chair gently rocked back and forth, Felicity couldn’t stop thinking about Father Faust and all the damage that he had done. He’d brought guns and drugs into Starling, which had taken countless lives, and somehow what felt even worse were all the families that he destroyed. Families who had thought their children were dead or gone forever, and families who had adopted children that never should have been theirs to begin with. They may have finally caught him, but they couldn’t reverse all the damage that he’d done.

                The soft fluttering in her belly reminded Felicity that despite was Faust had taken from her- the memories she’d lost from the accident, she was still so fortunate. Her child was perfectly safe and protected, at least for the next few months. Yet, Felicity was overcome with guilt because as thankful as she was that the child growing within her was healthy and safe, rather than eagerly awaiting her arrival, a part of her dreaded it. She felt like she didn’t deserve to have this perfect baby girl, especially not when she saw what so many families had gone through, and were about to go through.

                “Can’t sleep?” Oliver asked, interrupting Felicity’s train of thought as he stepped into the moonlit nursery.

                Felicity turned her head to meet Oliver’s tired gaze. “Did I wake you?”

                “Not really,” he replied.

                “Knee bothering you or are you still thinking about Faust?”

                “Among other things,” Oliver replied, leaning against the doorframe.

                “Lance said that Children’s Services would have to take the children overnight but that they would verify their identities and return them to their parents as soon as possible. Hopefully first thing tomorrow.”

                “Good.” Oliver limped over to Felicity and perched on the armrest of the chair. “That’s good.”

                “I can’t imagine what they’ve been going through,” Felicity continued. “Not knowing what happened to their child. It must be terrifying.”

                Oliver nodded, placing his hand on Felicity’s shoulder.

                “It also makes me feel like I owe you an apology.”

                Oliver’s brow furrowed. “For what?”

                “I’ve essentially done the same thing to you,” Felicity explained. “Here I am, holding all of the cards, and I’m not even sure I want to be playing the game. I know that it’s been so hard on you and I feel like I have been so caught up in my own stuff that I haven’t taken enough time to consider what you’ve been going through. I’ve been leaving you in the dark, just like those families.”

                “Felicity, it’s not the same.”

                “Maybe not, but it’s still true.” Felicity sighed. “Oliver, I wish I knew what I wanted. I wish I didn’t have these fears and these doubts. I want to be able to tell you that I’ll get over them, but honestly, I just don’t know.”

                Felicity laid her hand over Oliver’s on her shoulder, looking up at him thoughtfully.

                “I will promise you one thing, though. I will never keep your daughter from you. You won’t lose her.”

                Oliver squeezed Felicity’s shoulder gently. “I never thought for a moment that you would.”

                Releasing her shoulder, Oliver leaned back against the chair and rubbed the side of his jaw. “Our daughter isn’t the only girl I’m afraid of losing.”

                Felicity closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I know.”

                She wanted to tell him that he wasn’t going to lose her, to make promises that she wasn’t sure that she could keep. They finally had Faust, but it didn’t magically fix everything. It didn’t bring her memories back, it didn’t take away all of her worries and fears, it was just another name crossed off the list.

                There were so many things that Felicity wanted to say, but couldn’t, so she settled on the one thing that she could say- the truth.

                “Oliver,” she said, reaching out and taking his hand. “I love you.”

                As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Felicity felt a sense of relief pass over her. She’d been holding onto those words for so long, unable to trust her own feelings, unable to say the words out loud, but in that moment she could hold onto them no longer. She loved him, she had _always_ loved him.

                Oliver couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. Reaching out and taking her other hand, he tugged her arms gently, pulling her up to stand with him. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, his face buried in her hair.

                “God, I love you,” he breathed into her hair. “You have no idea.”

                In that moment, all of the worries of the day, Oliver’s encounter with Faust, everything outside of the two of them just fell away. Wrapped tightly in Oliver’s arms, surrounded by his familiar scent, Felicity’s head pressed against his chest where she could hear his heart beat, a slow steady rhythm that was oddly comforting. She had never been as sure of anything as she was in that moment that she loved Oliver. His arms felt like home.

                Oliver released his tight embrace, but kept one arm around Felicity’s waist.

                “C’mon,” he said, lifting the soft blanket off of her swollen belly and dropping it on the chair behind her. “Let’s go to bed.”

                Oliver began to lead Felicity to the door. “There’s nothing more that we can do for those families tonight and right now I just need to hold my girls.”

                Felicity nodded, a slight smile crossing her face, and allowed Oliver to lead them out of the nursery and back to their bed. 


	20. Chapter 20

                “I told him that I loved him” Felicity confessed, fidgeting with the pillow at her side.

                “What was that like for you?” Dr. Callahan asked.

                “Like letting go of a breath I didn’t know that I’d been holding,” Felicity replied. “I felt relieved to finally say the words out loud, to finally feel like I _could_ say the words out loud.”

                “You’ve expressed a great deal of uncertainty regarding your feelings for Oliver ever since the accident. What has changed now that has allowed you to express these feelings?”

                “Everything,” Felicity told her. “Nothing.”

                She adjusted her glasses, as she tried to compose her thoughts. “I think I’ve just been having a hard time trusting my feelings, which is strange for me, because I’ve always been able to count on myself, to trust my own instincts. The accident changed all of that. For the first time in my life, I felt like I didn’t know who I was. I have struggled to do things that used to come easy to me, and I have had to adjust to new roles, both professionally and personally. So many things are different, and yet Oliver is somehow the same. I mean he’s changed, everyone does; he’s calmer, and more at peace than he used to be. He’s grown into his role as a CEO and a husband, but when I’m with him, when it’s just the two of us, it feels like no time has passed. I actually feel like I’m seeing the past with new eyes. I thought that he was different with me now, that something had changed which is why we’d gotten together, why we’d gotten married, but I don’t think that’s the case.”

                Felicity smiled wistfully. “I think that what’s between us has _always_ been there. I think maybe we loved each other long before either one of us ever said it out loud. There’s a peace that I feel when I’m with him, and it’s not something that I’m just starting to feel now. I’ve always trusted him, always felt safe with him, even when I probably shouldn’t have. So, all of the fears that I’ve had about Oliver, my worry that my feelings were brought on by the stress of the accident or the pregnancy hormones, they’re gone, because I know how I feel. He’s my home.”

                “That’s wonderful, Felicity.” Dr. Callahan said, smiling, a rare show of emotion for the older woman, a consummate professional. “How have things been between you and Oliver since then?”

                “They’ve been really good,” Felicity said, leaning back into the couch. “I mean, it’s been a really busy week, and we’ve had a lot going on, but when we are together, he seems happier, more relaxed. I feel more relaxed as well. Things are… easier, I suppose.”

                “And how are you feeling about the baby? Has your anxiety about being a mother lessened?”

                Felicity frowned. “Not really. I mean, have you seen the news this week? Babies were being taken, right from the hospital, their parents were being told that they died.”

                “I did read about that this week. It was certainly a terrible thing that happened to those families. It is quite fortunate that the man responsible was caught and is being brought to justice.”

                Felicity nodded, trying to school her features so that she wouldn’t risk revealing anything. She hadn’t meant to bring it up at all, but she just couldn’t help it. Those poor families, she wished that they had caught on to Faust sooner.

                “There are just so many bad things that happen, and we try to prevent them, but more bad things just keep happening,” Felicity said, unable to avoid saying more. “And by _we_ , I don’t mean _we_ like _me_ , I mean _we_ like, society or the police or whoever. Those families didn’t do anything wrong, they were just normal parents, but they couldn’t keep their children safe. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do any better. At least for now, I have some control. No one can take her from me. At least not for a few more months.”

                Felicity crossed her hands protectively over her stomach.

                “That’s a natural desire, Felicity; the need to have control, especially after what you’ve been through. In a sense, through the accident you lost your sense of agency, as you’ve said in previous sessions, you have felt that you were living someone else’s life, rather than your own. However, in the past few weeks, it seems that perhaps that has begun to change. Do you feel that way?” Dr. Callahan asked.

                Felicity considered this for a moment. “Do I feel like I have control over my life again?”

                Dr. Callahan nodded.

                “I think so,” Felicity carefully considered what she wanted to say. “This past week, at work, I was able to finish a… _project_ that I’ve been working on since the accident, actually since before the accident, I suppose. It was challenging, to say the least, and my… _team_ and I were quite invested in it. So, being the one to make the big break that allowed us to complete this particular project was a really great feeling. It made me feel like I did before the accident, like I was still me, like I still had value and purpose. That I wasn’t just Felicity Queen, but not that I was just Felicity Smoak either. It was more like I was finally both.”

***

                Turning on her phone as she walked to the car, Felicity was surprised to see a text from Oliver advising her to meet him at home. She typed a quick message back, letting him know that she was on her way and got into the car. Truth be told, she was glad to have a night off from the Foundry, it had been a long week, and they hadn’t had a break since they’d finally caught Faust.

                Felicity spent the drive home still reflecting on what she’d discussed with Dr. Callahan. For the first time in months, she felt a sense of peace. Catching Faust and finally admitting her feelings for Oliver seemed to make all of her doubts fade into the background, still present, but no longer weighing her down. For the first time since her accident, Felicity was starting to feel like she could see a future for herself, and for her family.

                Walking through the front door, Felicity began to salivate at the delicious smell wafting from the kitchen. Slipping off her heels, and dropping her purse on the table by the front door, she moved into the dining room where Oliver was setting the table.

                “You cooked,” she stated.

                “Roasted,” he corrected.

                “Brussels sprouts?” she asked with a smile.

                “Of course,” he smiled back. “Also, beets, sweet potatoes, and a chicken.”

                “Show off,” Felicity teased. “Although, you know I only care about the Brussels sprouts.” Brussels sprouts had been one of Felicity’s stranger pregnancy cravings. She just couldn’t get enough of them, especially roasted. She was certain that there must be a vitamin or something in Brussels sprouts that her body needed, it was the only explanation considering she’d never liked them before.  

                “I know you do,” he said, coming to stand next to her, and laying a hand on her belly. “However, I don’t want our daughter to come out looking like a Brussels sprout.”

                “Really? Because I feel like a little green sprout might actually be the child we were destined to have.”

                Leaning with her head against his chest, her arm wrapped loosely around his waist, Felicity could feel the rumble as he laughed. “You might be right about that.”

                The kitchen timer went off and Felicity reluctantly released Oliver.

                “Do you want any help?” she asked.

                Oliver shook his head. “I’ve got it. You just sit down, relax, and let me take care of you for once.”

                “Okay.”               

                Oliver kissed her temple and then disappeared into the kitchen. Felicity finished setting out the cutlery and then took her seat, appreciating the opportunity to just sit and be still.

                A few minutes later, Oliver brought out the food and they began to enjoy a leisurely dinner. It was a rare pleasure for the two of them to get to enjoy dinner at home, although they tried to do it at least once a week, all too often it ended up rushed or interrupted by one crisis or another. Still, they were determined to strike some sort of work/life balance before the baby came.

                They chatted idly about work, until Felicity asked. “Are you going to tell me why we didn’t go to the Foundry tonight?”

                “After the week that we’ve had, or the weeks, I suppose, I thought that you and I have earned some down time. Faust is off the streets, and Lance and his team have been following up on all of the information we gave them about his gun dealings. With the SCPD on heightened alert, Starling’s criminals seem to be laying low for the moment. It stands to reason that Diggle and Roy should be able to handle things for one night so that I could roast some Brussels sprouts for my wife. Besides, I think we’ve gotten behind on our date nights.”

                Felicity couldn’t help but smile. “That we have, and I have to admit that I was relieved to get your text. I agree that a night off is just what we needed.”

                “Good,” Oliver replied. “By the way, how was your session with Dr. Callahan?”

                “It was really good, actually,” Felicity admitted. “After all this, I think I really needed to talk through some things. Finally putting away Faust has given me some closure, but it’s also given me some clarity.”

                “About what?”

                “About who I am, about what I’ve been struggling with, what I’ve been feeling these past few months. I may not ever get my memories back, but I’m starting to think that maybe it doesn’t matter. I got lost for a little while, but I’m still me. A bit of lost time and a new last name doesn’t change that.”

                “No, it doesn’t,” Oliver said, reaching across the table to take her hand.

                “I think that maybe I was waiting to get back to my life, when the truth is I’ve been living my life all along. Instead of feeling like I’m somewhere I’m not supposed to be, I’m starting to finally feel like I’m home.”

***

                After dinner, Felicity and Oliver curled up on the couch to watch a movie. Although she hadn’t seen it before (at least that she could remember), Felicity struggled to focus on the screen, instead finding herself distracted by Oliver’s touch. Felicity was cuddled into his side, her legs tucked underneath her, while his arm was around her shoulders. She could feel the heat exuding off of him, and as his thumb lazily grazed the bare skin of her shoulder, she felt goosebumps begin to rise along her arm. It wasn’t as though Felicity wasn’t used to Oliver being so close. In the past few weeks, she’d sought out physical contact more and more, but she hadn’t been this sensitive to his touch in weeks, not since early in her second trimester when her hormones had started to swing wildly out of control. It felt like her whole body was humming, and she was hyper aware of every inch of her body pressed against his.

                Felicity turned her body ever so slightly, turning her face to his. Oliver looked away from the television, his eyes meeting hers. Felicity bit her bottom lip, reaching out her hand to caress the side of his face. She felt a swell of affection for the man beside her, her partner in every way, a man who perhaps knew her better than she knew herself. She leaned forward and laid a gentle kiss on his lips, her heart pounding in her chest. While it certainly wasn’t the first time they had kissed, it felt different somehow. It finally felt real. She was kissing her _husband._

                She pressed her lips against his again, longer this time, allowing Oliver to respond, deepening the kiss. As he wrapped his other arm around her, pulling her closer, she turned to face him fully, shifting to straddle his hips. He groaned ever so softly when she let her weight drop down on him, and Felicity couldn’t help but chuckle.

                “Am I that heavy?” she teased between kisses.

                Oliver shook his head, a smile crossing his face.

                Felicity wiggled her hips, feeling his body respond beneath her. She smiled, and then leaned forward to kiss down his neck as his hands slipped lower down her back. Felicity lightly bit down on his earlobe and was rewarded with a low growl and a shiver.

                “Maybe we should continue this upstairs,” she whispered in his ear, as he kissed the swell of her breast, along the scooped neckline of her dress.

                Oliver halted his actions. “Are you sure?” he asked, looking into her eyes.

                Felicity nodded. “Take me to bed Oliver.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This picks up right where chapter 20 left off and is PURE SMUT.  
> If you are not interested in reading the details of Oliver and Felicity re-connecting as husband and wife in the bedroom, then you can safely skip this chapter.  
> Consider yourselves warned. :)

                Oliver didn’t hesitate. He gathered her into his arms, slipping one arm under her legs and lifting her with him as he rose up from the couch.

                “I didn’t mean that quite so literally,” Felicity said with a smile. “I’m perfectly capable of walking up the stairs.”

                “I don’t think so,” Oliver protested as he pressed another kiss to her lips.

                Felicity’s heart was pounding as Oliver carried her up the stairs to their bedroom. She couldn’t believe this was really happening. She had dreamed about this more than once. Of course, never in her dreams had she imagined herself pregnant in this particular scenario, but the way that she felt in that moment, the happiness she was experiencing, was exactly what she’d imagined.

                Pulling back the covers with one hand, Oliver lay her gently on the bed. Pulling off his shirt, and tossing it behind him, he came to lie beside her, once again capturing her lips with his own. Felicity ran her hands along the ridges of muscle and scar tissue that littered his back, holding him close to her. Still, it wasn’t enough, she needed more contact. Wrapping her arms around Oliver and using him to pull herself up to a sitting position, Felicity reached behind to the zipper of her dress.

                “Let me,” Oliver whispered, placing his hand over hers.

                Felicity allowed Oliver to draw down the zipper and shifted so that he could lift the dress up over her head. For a moment, Felicity felt self conscious in just her bra and panties, well aware of her round figure. Rationally she knew it wasn’t the first time that Oliver would see her naked, and yet it still felt that way. All of her worries washed away, however, when she met his gaze.

                The look on his face was one of pure adoration. Oliver loved her; there was no doubt of that. His eyes raked over her, pausing at the swell of her stomach. Tenderly, he lay her back down, placing a hand on either side of her body, before lightly peppering her stomach with kisses.

                Felicity carded her hands through Oliver’s hair, as he continued to lay kisses along her body, working his way up from her stomach to her breasts. Reaching one hand behind her back, he unclasped her bra, drawing it down her arms and tossing it to the side, releasing her swollen breasts.

                It was as if an electric shock coursed through Felicity as he closed his mouth around one rosy nipple. Her breasts had never been this sensitive before. She gasped as he sucked gently, arching her back towards him. He smiled up at her, before moved to lavish the same attention on her other breast. Felicity felt like she could come from his mouth on her breasts alone, feeling the wetness pool between her legs.

                She closed her eyes, revelling in the sensation, her hips lifting, seeking friction against Oliver’s body. She felt the pressure begin to build until Oliver sucked a little too hard on her overly sensitive nipple, and she hissed in pain.

                Immediately he pulled back. “Are you okay?” he asked, brows furrowed.

                Felicity nodded. “Just a little sensitive, that’s all.”

                “We can stop,” Oliver said, pulling back.

                “Don’t you dare,” Felicity replied, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him back on top of her.

                As she kissed him, Felicity allowed her hands to wander further down Oliver’s back, one hand slipping into his pants to cup his ass. God, how she loved his ass. She tugged him closer still, his hard length pressing against her clit, providing the friction she craved. Still, it wasn’t enough. Felicity reached for the buckle of his pants, but was too flustered to be very effective.

                “Eager, are we?” Oliver teased, reaching down to help.

                “Maybe,” Felicity replied, biting her lower lip.

                Oliver made quick work of his pants and boxers, before focusing his attention back on Felicity. He kissed his way back down her body, taking a hold of her panties, and slipping them off. He continued to place slow, open mouthed kisses down her inner thighs, and Felicity’s hips bucked as his hot breath blew across her sensitive clit. He touched, and sucked, and nibbled everywhere but where she wanted him most, taking his time to tease her, heightening her pleasure and tormenting her at the same time.

                “Oliver, please,” she pleaded.

                “What?” he asked, looking up at her from between her legs, a cocky smile on his face.

                “I need-“ she began, her breath quickening.

                “What?” he asked, placing a soft kiss just inches from where she wanted him most.

                “Oliver,” she groaned.

                His rough hands spread her legs further as he finally gave in, his tongue slowly licking along her wet slit. Her hands fisted in the fabric of the sheets as he sucked gently on her swollen clit. In no time at all, he brought her to the brink with his lips and tongue. He placed one hand on her hip, steadying her as he crooked one finger inside her, closing his lips around her clit once more. That was all it took, and Felicity was falling over the edge, her body trembling, her vision going white. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d orgasmed this easily. It was as though he knew exactly what she needed.              

                Oliver continued to lap at her, using his tongue to soothe her through the ripples of her orgasm. As she began to come back to herself, Oliver crawled up alongside her body, pulling her into his embrace, and stroking her face reverently.

                “God, you are so beautiful,” he told her.

                Felicity blushed.

                Cupping her face, Oliver drew closer to her, capturing his lips with his own. She could taste herself on his tongue, which only fueled her desire.

                Taking control, Felicity gently pushed Oliver onto his back, maneuvering herself so that she was straddling him as she had on the couch. Only this time, there were no barriers between them. Felicity could feel his cock, hot and hard, pressed against the underside of her belly. Felicity met his eyes, as she took him in her hand, and began to stroke him. His gaze was intense, his eyes not wavering from hers, even as he bucked his hips and clenched his jaw in response to her ministrations.

                “Felicity,” he practically growled, his hands running up her sides to cup her full breasts.

                As he grazed his thumb across her nipple, Felicity could wait no longer. She lifted up onto her knees, bringing him to where she wanted him most. She rolled her hips, allowing just the tip of his cock to slide along her wet folds, before slowly sinking down, taking in his hard length. She allowed her eyes to close and her head to fall back as she revelled in the sensation of him deep inside her.

                She rolled her hips again, grinding against him, but as Oliver gripped her hips and thrust upwards, penetrating deeper, she let out a small gasp of pain.

                “Too much?” he asked, stilling his movements.

                Felicity nodded, “I’m sorry.”

                He gave her a small smile. “Nothing to apologize for. Let’s try something else.”

                He lifted her off of him, and Felicity moaned at the loss of contact. He rolled her onto her left side, wrapping his body around her from behind. Bringing one arm under her right thigh, he lifted her bent leg up, as he thrust back into her.

                “Oh,” she breathed.

                “Is that a good ‘oh’?” he whispered, his lips against her ear.

                Felicity nodded. “Very.”

                Although the penetration wasn’t quite as deep from this position, with each thrust, Oliver hit just the right spot inside her, quickly bringing her closer and closer to another climax.

                Oliver kissed along her neck, nibbling at her ear. “You feel so good Felicity,” he whispered in her ear, his voice low and rumbling. “I love you so much.”

                “Mmm,” she murmured, leaning her head back against his shoulder. She felt overwhelmed both physically and emotionally, her whole body tingling in response to his words. She wanted to return the sentiment, to express all that she was feeling in that moment, the surge of love, and the sense of connection but all she could manage was a breathy “love you.”

                He began to speed up his thrusts and she knew that he was getting close. The pressure was building for her as well, so when he brought his thumb down to rub at her clit, it only took a couple of thrusts for her to climax again, rocking her body back against his, and reaching back with her hand to stroke his face. Another few thrusts and he was following, groaning his release.

                For a moment everything was still, as they both came down, hearts no longer racing, and their breathing slowing.

                “That was nice,” Felicity murmured, as Oliver kissed down the length of her neck, and across her shoulder.

                “It was,” he replied.

                Felicity felt the bed shift as Oliver began to roll away from her, and grabbed his hand. “Wait,” she whispered, bringing his hand up to her mouth and kissing his palm. “Let’s not move yet. This is kind of perfect.”

                Oliver smiled, snuggling back into her as she took his hand, still in hers, and brought it to rest on the swell of her stomach. Felicity closed her eyes, savouring the feel of her husband wrapped around her. A peaceful feeling settled over her, and she knew that she was right where she needed to be.


	22. Chapter 22

                The next couple of weeks passed quickly as they worked with the Starling City Police Department to follow up on Faust’s associates. While it had initially seemed that Faust’s operation would be simple enough for the SCPD to handle on their own, instead it seemed that every time they gathered enough evidence to bring in one associate, two more would come out of the woodwork. Faust’s network had been even more extensive than they’d realized, consisting of many seemingly innocent professionals and not the career criminals the SCPD was used to dealing with. For this reason, Felicity had spent many days (and nights) trying to follow Faust’s trail, so that all of the parties involved in the infant thefts and Faust’s other black market schemes would be brought to justice.

                Felicity was doing just that, working alone in the Foundry, when the pain started. Oliver was out, following up on their most recent lead, while Diggle had stepped out to pick up Big Belly Burger to satisfy Felicity’s craving. It had been a busy day at both jobs, with little time for breaks, and Felicity had started to feel so hungry, she’d become nauseated. In retrospect, she’d actually been nauseated for most of the day, but she’d had many days like that throughout her pregnancy which Dr. Zavandi had assured her was normal. “Morning” sickness, after all, was still common after the first trimester. The pain she now felt on the right side of her stomach, however, did not feel normal at all.

                Felicity closed her eyes, hands pressed to her side as she breathed deeply, and after a few minutes the pain slowly passed. Running her hands gently across her ever-growing belly, she breathed a sigh of relief and returned her attention to the screens in front of her, dismissing the pain as the result of waiting too long to eat.

                Her relief was short lived however, as the pain returned only a short while later. At first she tried to ignore it, choosing to focus on her work, but when the pain was coupled with the familiar fluttering of her daughter’s movements, Felicity began to worry. She pushed away from her desk, getting up slowly and making her way over to the cot she’d insisted they keep in the Foundry.

                Her comm was still in her ear, and she tapped it, waiting for Oliver to respond.

                “Felicity?” he answered. “Are you alright?”

                “Yes, of course,” she lied. “I just need you to come home.”

                “Felicity?” he asked, the question clear in his voice as he dragged out the syllables of her name.

                In the weeks that had passed since Felicity had finally admitted her feelings for Oliver, they’d grown even closer. Felicity had always felt that she had a pretty good sense of Oliver, able to figure out when he was lying, to discern what he was really feeling. However, since she’d opened herself back up to him, and committed to their partnership and marriage, she realized just how well Oliver knew _her_.

                “I’m okay, really,” she insisted. “Just come home.”

                “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he replied.

                Felicity clicked off the comm and took it out of her ear. Oliver was on his way, and she tried to reassure herself that everything would be okay. Still she found that she couldn’t shake her feeling of unease. She’d been so out of tune with her pregnancy, always trying to focus on work or other things. She wondered if she’d been selfish, too caught up in her own feelings and worries. Had there been other signs? Things she’d missed, things she should have done differently?

                She felt the panic well up in her chest, and began to pace back and forth. She had read all of the pregnancy books. If there was one thing that Felicity was good at, it was research, and when she couldn’t deal with things emotionally, her usual coping strategy was to deal with them intellectually. Now, she found herself remembering all of the things that she’d read could go wrong. Everyone (including her doctor) had told her to stay off the internet, but Felicity liked to be well informed. Now as she paced, she found herself going through all of the worst case scenarios.

                As her anxiety grew, so did the pain, forcing Felicity to first sit, and then lie down on the cot. Closing her eyes, she tried to clear her mind and focus on her breath. Oliver would come soon and everything would be alright.

                Felicity was still lying on her side on the cot, arms curled protectively around her stomach when Diggle returned a short while later, food in hand. As soon as he saw her, he dropped the bags and rushed to her side.

                “Felicity,” he said, urgently. “Are you alright? Is it the baby?”

                Felicity bit her lip. “I don’t know.”

                “What happened?”

                “It hurts,” she told him, tears filling her eyes. “I’m scared John.”

                “I know. It’s going to be okay,” he said, reassuringly. “Where’s Oliver? Does he know?”

                “He’s on his way,” Felicity replied. “I didn’t tell him what was wrong. I didn’t want to worry him.”

                Diggle seemed to consider this for a moment.

                “Okay, we’re not going to wait for him,” he said as Felicity let out a hiss of pain. “I’m getting you to a hospital. Oliver can meet us there.”

                Felicity nodded and allowed Diggle to lift her into his arms and carry her out.

***

                Felicity had already been admitted by the time Oliver made it to the hospital. Diggle was doing his best to keep Felicity’s mind off of her worries regaling her with stories of his army days when Oliver rushed into the room, panic clear on his face. Felicity saw the tension in his shoulders relax as their eyes met, only to return a moment later when he noticed the bands around her exposed stomach which connected to the fetal monitor.

                “Felicity,” he breathed, as he perched on the edge of the bed, taking her hand. “I got here as fast as I could.”

                Oliver looked back and forth between Felicity and Diggle. “What happened?”

                “I was having some pain,” she began to explain.

                “What kind of pain?” Oliver asked softly.

                Felicity could tell that he was doing his best to stay calm for her, but she could see in his eyes just how worried he was. “In my side, sort of a dull pain, I guess, maybe like a cramp. You know, I’ve never really understood what all of that meant, dull or sharp or throbbing. Why does pain need an adjective?”

                “The baby?”

                Felicity shrugged, looking down, unable to meet Oliver’s eyes. “I don’t know.”

                “They’re running some tests,” Diggle added. “The doctor came in and took her blood pressure. She said that it seemed high, ordered some blood work and the fetal monitor, and hasn’t been back since. I’m taking that as a good sign. If they don’t stick around and keep prodding at you, that probably means they aren’t worried.”

                Turning to look at Diggle, Oliver gave him an appreciative smile. “Thank you for taking care of her.”

                “Of course, man,” Diggle replied, clapping his hand on Oliver’s shoulder as he stood. “I am going to go down and get some coffee, and give you two some time.”

                “Thanks John,” Felicity said.

                “You’re welcome,” Diggle leaned down and kissed Felicity’s cheek. “Remember, while I’m gone, _you’re_ in charge of making sure Oliver here doesn’t give the staff a hard time.”

                “Yes sir,” Felicity replied, with a mock salute.

                When Diggle left, Oliver shifted in to the chair beside the bed, never letting go of Felicity’s hand.

                “Why didn’t you tell me you were in pain?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” she confessed. “I told John that I didn’t want you to worry but I think the truth is that I was just scared. I _am still_ really scared. What if this is my fault? I mean, I’ve been so unsure about everything. I didn’t know if I was ready, I didn’t know if I wanted this and now…”

                Tears filled Felicity’s eyes as she finally allowed herself to speak her fear aloud.

                “What if we lose her?” she whispered, releasing Oliver’s hand in order to run her hands across her swollen belly.

                “We’re not going to lose her,” Oliver said with certainty.

                “How do you know?” Felicity asked. “I’ve said such horrible things. What if this is my punishment?”

                “I _know_ ,” he told her, putting his hand beside hers.

                “Oliver I practically said that I didn’t _want_ her. I know it sounds crazy but what if she could sense that somehow, or if it just put out some sort of bad vibe into the universe? I feel like this is all my fault,” Felicity confessed. “There was one time when I _forgot_ that I was pregnant and that I wasn’t supposed to have caffeine and I had a latte and what if that screwed her up somehow? I can’t remember right now what the book said about caffeine, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t good.”

                “Felicity, I’m sure that one cup of coffee didn’t do any damage. This isn’t your fault. This might not even be anything at all,” Oliver tried to reassure her.

                “I am supposed to _protect_ her Oliver. I am supposed to keep her safe,” Felicity used the back of her hand to wipe away the tears that had begun to fall. “She’s not even born yet and I’m already a terrible mother.”

                “You’re not-” Oliver began, but then he stopped, his gaze drawn to where his hand rested on Felicity’s stomach. “Did you feel that?”

                “She’s moving,” Felicity breathed, feeling slightly relieved.

                “I felt her move,” Oliver said, incredulous. “Wow.”

                Oliver leaned forward, his head pressed against her belly, careful to avoid the bands attached to the fetal monitor.

                “Hey little one,” he whispered to her stomach. “It’s dad.”

                He smiled, his hand gently drawing circles on Felicity’s belly. “I can tell you’re going to be a handful already. Although, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, you are a Queen after all.”

                Felicity found herself smiling, despite her worry.

                “You gave us a bit of a scare there, little one, and not just today.” Oliver’s face turned serious. “Sometimes I worry that I won’t be able to keep you safe. There are a lot of terrible things in this world, and I can’t always protect the people that I love. Some things are just beyond my control. The world is a scary place but I want you to know that I will always be there for you, and I will always fight for you.”

                Felicity was moved by Oliver’s words, his willingness to share his fears. He was a protector, he always had been, and he had been protective of Felicity throughout the pregnancy, at times even overprotective. She’d found it frustrating at times, but she knew that was the way that Oliver showed his love: his love for his city, for his family, and for his child. She knew he would move hell and earth to protect their child, and how frustrated he must feel knowing that there was nothing to do but wait. She knew because she realized that she felt exactly the same way.

                “So, little one, I need you to do the same,” Oliver continued. “I need you to fight and to be okay. You and your mom, you are my whole world. I love you so much.”

                Oliver pressed a soft kiss to Felicity’s stomach, and almost immediately she felt another movement. OIiver’s look of wonder told her that he had felt it too. It seemed as if their daughter was reassuring them that she was still there.

                “It’s going to be okay.” Oliver said, looking up at Felicity, a smile spreading across his face. “You are going to be a _great_ mother, and our daughter is going to be just fine. I know it.”

                Felicity ran a hand along the side of his face, taking in the love and certainty she saw reflected there. She hoped he was right. She _needed_ him to be right. For the first time in a long time, she was sure of what she wanted, and she hoped the familiar fluttering that she was feeling meant that she would still get the chance to have it.


End file.
